Choosing caring over chemistry in a relationship - Deepstash

deepstash

Beta

Get an account to save ideas & make your own & organize them how you wish.

deepstash

Beta

Why Strong Chemistry Doesn't Always Lead to a Strong Relationship - Tiny Buddha

Choosing caring over chemistry in a relationship

Whenever you find yourself in the situation of falling in love with someone new, you might as well want to pay attention to more than the person's looks or financial situation. Identify your non-negotiables in terms of 'must be' for your future relationship and do not give them up. If they are not negotiable, then you are most certainly not going to be happy in their absence.

75 SAVES


This is a professional note extracted from an online article.

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Why Strong Chemistry Doesn't Always Lead to a Strong Relationship - Tiny Buddha

Why Strong Chemistry Doesn't Always Lead to a Strong Relationship - Tiny Buddha

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/strong-chemistry-doesnt-always-lead-strong-relationship/

tinybuddha.com

4

Key Ideas

Chemistry and the different personality types

It very often happens that we fall in love, while feeling uncontrollably attracted to, with individuals who end up breaking our hearts. Anthropologists found four personality types, as follows:

  • the explorer: whose main trait is the curiousity
  • the builder: who is defined by his need to manage
  • the director: who is extremely analytical and narrow-minded
  • the negotiator: who sees the big picture
    A factor of major importance, when falling in love with someone, is how we perceive our childhood. We all tend to search for persons who can heal us from a memory or a pain lived at some point in our life.

The lows and highs of chemistry

Feeling chemistry with someone can lead not only to successful relationships, but also to major traumatic experiences. Not being able to put your needs first, while accepting their drawbacks, only because you are immensely attracted to that person, can actually break your spirit.

Choosing right your partner

According to dating experts, what makes the difference between a successful and an unsuccessful relationship is the trust, intimacy and, most especially, the willingness of each partner to meet the other one's needs. Therefore, next time you feel attracted to someone, try to also observe their reactions whenever you express your feelings or needs. This will be a major indicator of the success of your relationship.

Choosing caring over chemistry in a relationship

Whenever you find yourself in the situation of falling in love with someone new, you might as well want to pay attention to more than the person's looks or financial situation. Identify your non-negotiables in terms of 'must be' for your future relationship and do not give them up. If they are not negotiable, then you are most certainly not going to be happy in their absence.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Activation energy

Every habit or behavior has an activation energy. The more difficult or complex a behavior, the higher the activation energy required to start it. The smaller the habit, the less energy you...

Smaller habits are more sustainable

Big goals often require big activation energies. And you get stuck dreaming about life-changing outcomes, instead of taking action. 

Stick with smaller habits. They require smaller activation energies and that makes them more sustainable. 

Environment design = catalyst for building better habits

Environments where we live and work influence our behaviors. Catalysts lower the activation energy required to start a new habit. And optimizing you environment is one way to catalyze habits: in the right environment, every habit is easier.

one more idea

Name your feelings

Emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration may indicate that others are intruding on your personal time or space.

Instead of pushing the feelings away, try understanding them. It ...

Prepare your well-being disclaimer

Start conversations about boundaries with a disclaimer to set the stage for a compassionate, permissive discussion.

Share your resolution to set boundaries. Explain why it’s important to you and how you believe it will benefit you.

When others set boundaries

People who have trouble setting boundaries usually have trouble responding to boundaries set by others.

Instead of feeling dismissed, angry, or rejected when friends or lovers put limits on your interactions, respond with “I value your honesty” or “I appreciate you sharing that with me”—even if the boundary was difficult to hear.

6 more ideas

Happiness and struggle
Consider the question: What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out. Happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side...
The Importance Of Commitment Signs

Correctly “reading” the signs of commitment in a potential long-term partner is crucial. When you don’t get solid information about commitment as things progress, you can miss important s...

1. What Does And What Doesn’t Signal Commitment.
The essence of commitment is both parties wanting and planning a future with each other. And that can only be perceived through actions and their context.
Some of the things that people often mistake in isolation for commitment are:
  • Wanting to have sex with someone.
  • Wanting to have a baby with no other evidence of commitment like, say, marriage.
  • Cohabitation.
  • Being married.
2. Circumstances And Commitment.

For behavior to mean something about commitment, it must be behavior that the person has control over performing. If one's options are limited by the context their intentions cannot be read.

In the context of dating and mating, option constraints on you or your partner, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners as a signal of commitment when it isn’t.

2 more ideas

Compatibility vs Chemistry
Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and moral values between two people.
Chemistry portrays the
What creates strong chemistry

Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that are felt by both parties equally.

It could be the way someone laughs at your jokes or the way they talk to you or help you. The absence of chemistry is normally displayed in the lack of emotional intensity.

Compatibility between people

High compatibility between people comes from the similarities in their lifestyles and values. 
Educated people usually date other educated people. Religious people usually date other religious people. People that are not compatible normally repel one another.

2 more ideas

The reasons we crave junk food
  1. The sensation of eating the food: what it tastes like, what it smells like and how it feels in your mouth.
  2. The blend of proteins, fats, and carbohydrates t...
How craving are stimulated artificially
  • Salivary response: the more a food causes you to salivate, the more it will cover your taste buds.
  • Rapid food meltdown: this tells your brain that you’re not full, even though you’re eating a lot of calories.
  • Calorie density. junk foods are designed to convince your brain that it is getting nutrition, but to not fill you up.
  • Memories of past eating experiences: When you eat something tasty, your brain registers that feeling and will bring it up in the future.
Building better habits means changing your environment

Most people think that building better habits or changing your actions is all about willpower or motivation. But your environment has an incredible ability to shape your behavior.

Nowhere is this more true than with food.

4 more ideas

The building blocks of a relationship

The building blocks of any relationship rest on compatibility and chemistry. All relationships have a combination of these qualities to a more or lesser extent.

Compatibility

Compatibility can be described as being together without conflict.

Two people can fit like a glove both conversationally and psychologically. For some, that connection alone can be enough to be happy and thrive.

Chemistry in a relationship

Chemistry is a complex emotional or psychological interaction. It is a natural rhythm between two people that cannot be forced or created.

While some people are content with a relationship that is compatible, others feel an intense desire for that chemistry. Figure out what feels right to you in a relationship and strive for that.

Go Sooner Than Later

Most couples don't consider counseling until a real crisis or a catastrophe appears.

It is better to go to couples counseling during a specific life event, strengthening some piece of a rela...

Finding The Right Therapist

Finding a suitable therapist, right for both the partners can take time. Take into consideration:

  • Both partners are comfortable with the choice.
  • Any preferences (gender or cultural background) are taken into account.
  • It should be convenient to schedule an appointment with him, not interfering with other commitments too much.
  • At least two kinds of counselors are spoken to, and then a decision taken.
  • Check online for recommendations or ask for a referral within your friend circle.
Types of Therapies

A good therapist can utilize multiple approaches and will tailor the provided therapy based on the couple's needs. The common therapies are:

  • Gottman Method: Focused on positive communication
  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): helps couples with their emotional needs.
  • Imago Relationship Therapy: Connecting new relationships with old ones.
  • Other approaches like Hypnosis, sex therapy, etc.

2 more ideas

You have an eye on the exit

You avoid anything that leads to a bigger commitment. You're always wondering: "if it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?

Because comm...

You gaslight your partner

The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real. 

For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it." 

You are known as a "serial dater"

You break up with partners on the slightest of issues, only to start dating another person right away and repeat the cycle. 

You don't want to be seen as a "player" but you can't seem to find someone who you can commit to.

5 more ideas

You Have A Boundary Issue If…
  • you feel like people take advantage of you or use your emotions for their own gain.
  • you feel like you’re constantly having to “save” people close to you and fix their problems all the ...
Personal Boundaries

Having healthy personal boundaries means taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT blaming others.

People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries. And practicing strong personal boundaries is one way to build self-esteem.

Poor Boundaries 

People who blame others for their own emotions and actions do so because they believe that if they constantly paint themselves as a victim, eventually someone will come to save them.

People who take the blame for other people’s emotions and actions are always looking to save someone.

Predictably, these two types of people are drawn strongly to one another, yet completely fail to meet each other's true need to feel loved. The real solution would be for both to take responsibility for their own problems.

2 more ideas