Bringing back relationship accountability

Ghosting, icing, and simmering are manifesting the decline of empathy in our society. This encourages selfishness in one party without regard to the consequences of others.

Try to end relationships respectfully and conclusively, even when they were short in duration. Act with kindness and integrity. This allows both parties to enter another relationship with a clear head rather than with insecurity.

@emil32

Love & Family

MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

The new relationships norms

There are new trends in the intimate relationship landscape. We want to maintain unclear relationships - too afraid to be alone, but unwilling to fully engage in intimacy building.

This stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels constant uncertainty, and neither person feels really appreciated or nurtured.

  • Ghosting: Stopping communications suddenly and completely with someone you are dating, but no longer want to date. You cannot face the pain you will inflict, so you make it invisible by disappearing.
  • Icing: Making up a reason to prolong the relationship. "I'm too busy." You want the person to hang on and be there if you change your mind.
  • Simmering: Reducing the frequency of dates and communication. You know it isn't working, but you like the security of the relationship while you browse other options.
  • Power parting: You know it isn't working and end the relationship conclusively. "This isn't working for me. Thank you for sharing your world. I enjoyed our time together and wish you all my best."
  • "Thank you for what I’ve experienced with you."
  • "This is what I take with me, from you."
  • "This is what I want you to take with you, from me."
  • "This is what I wish for you in the future."

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RELATED IDEAS

  • In the old days, the institute of marriage was rarely about love and passion, but about safety, respect and security. The husband or the wife had reasons to stray from their bond, due to the lack of mystery, love, passion and excitement that they craved.
  • Modern love is further complicating the phenomenon of marriage, where it almost always fails to live up to the promised ideals of love, passion, undivided attention and purity.

4

IDEAS

Identifying the hidden dimension under the relationship fight can affect how we fight and how we move forward.

  • Power and control fights: "You undermine me with the kids."/ "Because I make less money, I feel like I have to check with you before I buy anything."
  • Care and closeness fights: "Why am I always the one to text or call you? "Why can't you support me when I'm anxious?"
  • Respect and recognition fights: "You never acknowledge my accomplishments."/"I don't think you realize how much I do."

When you’re in an argument, before you disagree, try telling the person you’re speaking with what you heard them say.

When you’re in a disagreement, you are able to repeat what the other person said for only 10 seconds. After that, you go on with your answer or tune out. But it’s important to repeat what was said so they feel acknowledged.

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