Thus, you should give up the hope that you can be flawless and put together every day in a relationship.
That idea is not realistic, puts you in a continuous state of feeling that you're not good enough, and can stop you from developing real confidence in yourself.
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You are allowed to make mistakes, search for yourself, and not have all the answers about who you really are.
If you begin a relationship on the supposition that you have everything figured out, you are setting yourself up for failure later on: Your relationship will be developed on unrealistic expectations, and your partner may be resentful once you reveal your true self.
In relationships, there is usually one partner designated as the emotional rock. The risk with this: always being there for others can sometimes make you forget to take care of you.
The challenge is figuring out how to encourage your partner while holding on to your own identity and individuality.
To foster a long-term, supportive, solid relationships, it's important to recognize your flaws while still holding yourself and your partner in high regard.
Start by freeing yourself from the outdated notions of how an exemplary partner should behave.
Learn how to regulate your emotions: cry, scream, get angry, but then calm down.
This way you’re exposing your partner to the way you really are, to what upsets you, and how you handle and resolve your feelings. The right partner should still love you once you open up in this way.
These are not signs of emotional maturity or intelligence, because there are some things that you should get upset about (an unfaithful or neglectful partner, for example).
Specific situations demand certain reactions, and this idea of people being “too much” or “crazy” is destructive because it causes you to act fake and pretend that your partner’s hurtful actions don’t bother you.
There are new trends in the intimate relationship landscape. We want to maintain unclear relationships - too afraid to be alone, but unwilling to fully engage in intimacy building.
This stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels constant uncertainty, and neither person feels really appreciated or nurtured.
Modern love is harder than ever, as commitment becomes synonymous with the loss of self. The western world has always cherished a sense of individualism, and each person is to be a complete package, being able to provide compassion, sexual excitement, financial freedom and even self worth.
The result: Love is commodified
Certain lines should not be crossed, and it’s important to repair them.
For that, keep in mind you have to validate the other person’s feelings and acknowledge the fact they experience things differently than you do.