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What Are You Working Towards? Because You Better Know
The alternative to a passion-driven mindset
The passion-driven mindset can be contrasted with an alternative: a poise-like discipline and a sense of purpose.
The key is to know what you're actually working towards. Ask yourself what your strategy is.
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Purpose, not passion
There is a famous saying that translates: "One jumps into the fray and then figures it out."
Usually, some version of this strategy is that people don't take the time to spot their landing, nor do they think about what they're jumping off.
The alternative to a passion-driven mindset
The passion-driven mindset can be contrasted with an alternative: a poise-like discipline and a sense of purpose.
The key is to know what you're actually working towards. Ask yourself what your strategy is.
Working aimlessly
Few people take the time to find out what is possible or have the courage to probe themselves. It's unpleasant, and they'd instead figure it out as they go.
- They network but don't know what kind of contacts would be helpful.
- They want to write a book, but don't want to take the time to ask what purpose it serves.
- They talk about what they'd like to do but have no idea how to get there or if they will enjoy it.
Instead of moving closer to the answer, they are stuck in endless reacting and reaction.
Ask the big questions
You have to take the time to ask the big questions:
- What is your big goal?
- Why is it your goal?
- How will you get there?
- Why do you think it is the path to your goal?
Hard things in life are not achieved through simple effort. It's insight that illuminates the road and strategy that gets us there.
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The dilemma of personal worth
Late bloomers don't realize they're good at something until they're about fifty. It's not that they start late; It's that they simply aren't much good until late in their careers.
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Early and late bloomers
Prodigies like Picasso, who created a masterpiece at age twenty, tend to be "conceptual" in the sense that they start with a clear idea of where they want to go, and then accomplish it. Picasso once said that he could hardly understand the importance given to the word 'research.'
But late bloomers tend to work the other way around. Their goals are imprecise and their procedure experimental. They build their skills gradually throughout their careers, improving slowly over long periods.
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With this kind of thinking, you can develop and grow the way you think about problems, your role in solving them and the consequences.
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Futures thinking
Usually when we're imagining the future, we always include in our visions about dealing with problems like poverty, climate change or cancer some techno-utopia solution (with all sorts of new technologies). And there is nothing wrong with that, but we should stop seeing the future in just this one way.
Move from Future to Futures and open yourself up to considering all kinds of possible scenarios and all kinds of solutions.
Telos thinking
Telos comes from the Greek language, and it means “ultimate aim” or “ultimate purpose.” This call for the process of asking yourself one question: “To what end?”
As we try to solve a particular problem, we also should think about what will come after we solve it.
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Creating routines
Too much is expected of modern relationships: your partner is supposed to fulfil roles that historically used to be spread out within communal structures. Your partner is supposed to be your be...
How to respond to the "invisible work"
During the pandemic, being at home with a partner reveals the "invisible work" they're doing, which may be taken for granted. This expanded view of ourselves and our partners can go in two directions.
- In one direction, you are curious and say, "I never knew. I really appreciate it. I realize how I let you do everything." It becomes a source of connection.
- It the other direction, it becomes a source of blame where you want to complain and tell your partner just how much you are doing. This way, you're not going to get help.
How people should fight
Couples go through harmony, disharmony, and repair. So they will inevitably get into arguments. However, what matters is how you fight. Don't highlight everything negative while taking the positive for granted.
Start by saying to yourself, "What are the one or two things that they have done that I can appreciate?" If you start with that, you will fight differently.
Stay focussed on the one thing that you're upset about at this moment. Don't end up talking about other things.
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