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Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours?
Disorganized Attachment Style
- Some people are doing the opposite of what should ideally be done.Their internal fears and their avoidant attitude are a paradox, and they cannot figure out if they want emotional closeness or not.
- They deny their own feelings and never fully trust the other person.
- The feelings of jealousy and rivalry come easily to them.
- This style is often the result of some major loss or trauma in their lives, which made them never take security and closeness for granted.
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Key Ideas
Social ambiguity
Social life can be full of uncertainty. Friends don't always smile back at you. Strangers sometimes look upset. The question is how you interpret these situations. Do you take everythin...
The victimhood mindset
Researchers found the tendency for interpersonal victimhood consists of four main dimensions:
- Always seeking recognition for one's victimhood: Those who score high on this dimension have a constant need to have their suffering acknowledged. It is also normal for victims to want the perpetrators to take responsibility for their wrongdoing.
- Moral elitism: Those who score high on this dimension perceive themselves as having perfect morality while viewing everyone else as immoral. They view themselves as persecuted, vulnerable and morally superior.
- Lack of empathy for the pain and suffering of others: People who score high on this dimension are so preoccupied with their own victimhood that they are unaware of the pain and suffering of others.
- Frequently thinking of past victimization: Those scoring high on this dimension continuously think about their interpersonal offences and their causes and consequences rather than about possible solutions.
Mindset and self-image in interpersonal conflicts
In interpersonal conflict, all parties are motivated to maintain a positive moral self-image. However, different parties are likely to create very different subjective realities. Offenders tend to downplay the severity of the transgression, and victims tend to perceive the offenders' motivations as immoral.
The mindset one develops - as a victim or a perpetrator - affects the way the situation is perceived and remembered.
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Key Ideas
Recognizing mirrored motion
Italian neuroscientists first noticed the "mirror neuron system." The brain recognizes a kind of micro-kinship.
When we watch a video of someone else smelling...
The challenges of live self-stream
- The non-mirror-style self. We are used to seeing ourselves mirror-style. When you move your left hand, it will always be flipped when you view yourself in a mirror. On Zoom, you lift your left hand, and the opposite side moves on Zoom. This feels disorientating. Thankfully, Zoom has fixed this.
- The perfect self-contingency detection. When you lift your hand in front of a mirror, there is no lag in the image. Now you feel your arm stir and see it move a few seconds later. No wonder we stare at ourselves.
- Glitchy wifi magnifies the slight asynchrony. The response delay disrupts your feeling of connection with another person. You can't read them, and they can't read you.
- A documented phenomenon is that we accurately recognize neutral expressions on other faces, but we misidentify our own expressions. We see our own expression as unfavorable most of the time.
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Key Ideas
Oxytocin
... also called the "love hormone" makes people more social and communal. It's a neuropeptide and hormone that we naturally produce inside our brains. It has a wide r...
How To Produce More Oxytocin
The hormone can be produced in the body by:
- Positive and loving human interactions like hugging, cuddling and kissing.
- Experience of loved-filled sexual encounters high on love produce the hormone.
- Feeling sentimental, caring and empathetic in general. For Example, Watching an emotional movie(Titanic?) raises our love hormone.
- Giving birth to a child, and breastfeeding is found to increase the level of oxytocin to forge the bond with the baby.