We all have a personal bonding style, which is based early on in life according to our upbringing and how we act, feel and think in a close relationship.
Attachment is our bond with our first caregiver, which is usually a parent. The style we form while growing up usually stays with us in adulthood and beyond.

Attachment Styles

Love & Relationships

<ul>
<li>When a partner has a secure attachment style, they feel comfortable and confident in their relationship and in their significant other.</li>
<li>There is a feeling of connectedness, trust, and freedom as both the partners let the other have independence and offer full support all the time.</li>
<li>A strong and secure life amply supported by one’s parents builds the foundation of this style.</li>
</ul>

Secure Attachment Style

<ul>
<li>Many people find it uncomfortable to trust the other person or to get too emotionally close.</li>
<li>They are self-sufficient and do not need emotional intimacy. </li>
<li>They quickly pull away and ‘go in a cave’ when rejected or hurt.</li>
<li>Having negligent or abusive parents is associated with people having this style, and they often suppress their internal need for love and care.</li>
</ul>

Dismissive Or Avoidant Attachment Style

<ul>
<li>Some people are always craving for emotional intimacy, even when the other person is not serious or romantic. </li>
<li>They are in a constant need of approval and reassurances from their partner, and tend to be anxious when the other person isn’t providing any.</li>
<li>These people are dependent on others for their self-worth and are often involved with people who don’t like this clingy style.</li>
</ul>

Anxious Or Preoccupied Attachment Style

<ul>
<li>Some people are doing the opposite of what should ideally be done.Their internal fears and their avoidant attitude are a paradox, and they cannot figure out if they want emotional closeness or not. </li>
<li>They deny their own feelings and never fully trust the other person. </li>
<li>The feelings of jealousy and rivalry come easily to them. </li>
<li>This style is often the result of some major loss or trauma in their lives, which made them never take security and closeness for granted.</li>
</ul>

Disorganized Attachment Style

Your attachment style is formed early in life, and now it affects your adult relationships. Do you see yourself in one of these profiles?<figure><picture><source media="(min-width: 768px) and (max-width: 1023px)" srcset="https://static.scientificamerican.com/sciam/cache/file/BBDDEE39-36DB-46E6-98A77085F21D58E8_source.jpg?w=690&amp;h=930&amp;45EED3BE-349A-475F-933B1CE8DB50D555"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcset="https://static.scientificamerican.com/sciam/cache/file/BBDDEE39-36DB-46E6-98A77085F21D58E8_source.jpg?w=390&amp;h=520&amp;45EED3BE-349A-475F-933B1CE8DB50D555"><img src="https://static.scientificamerican.com/sciam/cache/file/BBDDEE39-36DB-46E6-98A77085F21D58E8_source.jpg?w=590&amp;h=800&amp;45EED3BE-349A-475F-933B1CE8DB50D555" alt="Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours?" width="690" height="460"></picture><figcaption itemprop="caption description" class="t_caption" dir="ltr"> Credit: <a href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/mountain-top-selfie-royalty-free-image/850509038" dir="ltr">Getty Images</a></figcaption></figure>Have you seen the show&nbsp;How I Met Your Mother? It's about a bunch of flawed but lovable New Yorkers trying to find (or hang onto) love as they go through life's changes, which range from silly to momentous. It’s a funny, feel-good, and sometimes poignant sitcom.&nbsp;But what I like most about it is that it’s a perfect showcase of human attachment styles.If you don’t know what attachment styles are, or haven’t ever seen the show, don’t worry. Once you hear about the characters and how they personify each attachment style, you’ll be sure to recognize yourself or people you know.<figcaption>Advertisement</figcaption>But first, what is attachment? Attachment is the bond we form with our first primary caregiver, usually a parent. It’s a universal human phenomenon that starts&nbsp;<a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/H_Steele/publication/227703141_Maternal_Representations_of_Attachment_during_Pregnancy_Predict_the_Organization_of_Infant-Mother_Attachment_at_One_Year_of_Age/links/5679a90508ae361c2f67ef74.pdf" dir="ltr">as early as in the womb</a>, and the way we develop it eventually affects the way we find, keep, and end relationships.There are four major styles of attachment that people form early in life and generally tend to keep into adulthood. These styles are:<UL><LI>Secure</LI><LI>Dismissive-avoidant</LI><LI>Anxious-preoccupied</LI><LI>Fearful-avoidant (a.k.a., disorganized)</LI></UL>To figure out what style of attachment you tend to have, there are quizzes you can take (like&nbsp;<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test" dir="ltr">this one</a>). They ask you to agree/disagree with statements like, “I easily develop emotional ties to others,” “If a partner pushes me to establish a commitment, I freak out inside,” and, “If I’m not in a relationship, I am nobody.” You can see that these items are probing the way we think of others and ourselves in the context of relationships and intimacy.&nbsp;&nbsp;So what attachment style do you think you have? Well, let’s see if you most closely relate to Ted, Barney, or someone else from&nbsp;How I Met Your Mother. In this first in a three-part series on attachment, we’ll let the beloved&nbsp;HIMYM&nbsp;characters guide us through the four major attachment styles:<h2>1. Securely attached—Lily and Marshall</h2>Lily and Marshall are the quintessential cute couple. They have quirky inside jokes; they have cute nicknames for each other (Lilypad and Marshmallow); they finish each other’s sentences … but none of this cuteness overload explains why they’re securely attached.<figcaption>Advertisement</figcaption>When a person has a secure attachment style, they feel confident in their relationship and their partner. They feel connected, trusting, and comfortable with having independence and letting their partner have independence even as they openly express love. They reach out for support when they need it and offer support when their partner is distressed.And this is where Lily and Marshall excel. Their relationship wasn’t all puppies and rainbows for all nine seasons of&nbsp;How I Met Your Mother. There were times when they broke up, had family tragedies, worried about building their own family, and had awful fights that seemed to shake the very foundation of their future together. But through it all, they fundamentally trusted each other, openly showed affection (sometimes enough to make you gag), told each other their thoughts and feelings even when it was difficult, offered support when the other was sad and gave each other space when needed.&nbsp;This type of attachment style starts when, early in life, a child feels that their parent is a secure base, so that even though they’re happy to be with Mom or Dad, they also feel confident enough to explore the world on their own. Kids grow up this way when their parents themselves are securely attached people, and when they use an authoritative parenting style, meaning they are involved and firm, but also warm and allow independence.<figure><img src="https://static.scientificamerican.com/sciam/cache/file/CF54EB21-65FD-4978-9EEF80245C772996_source.jpg" alt="newsletter promo" width="80" height="80"><figcaption dir="auto">Sign up for Scientific American’s free newsletters.

Sign Up</figcaption></figure>Given Lily and Marshall’s own security and their loving style, I bet their kids will turn out to have secure relationships of their own.

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Love & Family

Your attachment style is formed early in life, and now it affects your adult relationships. Do you see yourself in one of these profiles? Have you seen the show How I Met Your Mother ? It's about a bunch of flawed but lovable New Yorkers trying to find (or hang onto) love as they go through life's changes, which range from silly to momentous. It’s a funny, feel-good, and sometimes poignant sitcom.  But what I like most about it is that it’s a perfect showcase of human attachment styles.

If you don’t know what attachment styles are, or haven’t ever seen the show, don’t worry. Once you hear about the characters and how they personify each attachment style, you’ll be sure to recognize yourself or people you know. But first, what is attachment? Attachment is the bond we form with our first primary caregiver, usually a parent. It’s a universal human phenomenon that starts <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/H_Steele/publication/227703141_Maternal_Representations_of_Attachment_during_Pregnancy_Predict_the_Organization_of_Infant-Mother_Attachment_at_One_Year_of_Age/links/5679a90508ae361c2f67ef74.pdf">as early as in the womb </a>, and the way we develop it eventually affects the way we find, keep, and end relationships. There are four major styles of attachment that people form early in life and generally tend to keep into adulthood. These styles are:

<ul><li>Secure </li><li>Dismissive-avoidant </li><li>Anxious-preoccupied </li><li>Fearful-avoidant (a.k.a., disorganized) </li> </ul>To figure out what style of attachment you tend to have, there are quizzes you can take (like <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test">this one </a>). They ask you to agree/disagree with statements like, “I easily develop emotional ties to others,” “If a partner pushes me to establish a commitment, I freak out inside,” and, “If I’m not in a relationship, I am nobody.” You can see that these items are probing the way we think of others and ourselves in the context of relationships and intimacy.

So what attachment style do you think you have? Well, let’s see if you most closely relate to Ted, Barney, or someone else from How I Met Your Mother . In this first in a three-part series on attachment, we’ll let the beloved HIMYM  characters guide us through the four major attachment styles:

Lily and Marshall are the quintessential cute couple. They have quirky inside jokes; they have cute nicknames for each other (Lilypad and Marshmallow); they finish each other’s sentences … but none of this cuteness overload explains why they’re securely attached. When a person has a secure attachment style, they feel confident in their relationship and their partner. They feel connected, trusting, and comfortable with having independence and letting their partner have independence even as they openly express love. They reach out for support when they need it and offer support when their partner is distressed.

And this is where Lily and Marshall excel. Their relationship wasn’t all puppies and rainbows for all nine seasons of How I Met Your Mother . There were times when they broke up, had family tragedies, worried about building their own family, and had awful fights that seemed to shake the very foundation of their future together. But through it all, they fundamentally trusted each other, openly showed affection (sometimes enough to make you gag), told each other their thoughts and feelings even when it was difficult, offered support when the other was sad and gave each other space when needed.

This type of attachment style starts when, early in life, a child feels that their parent is a secure base, so that even though they’re happy to be with Mom or Dad, they also feel confident enough to explore the world on their own. Kids grow up this way when their parents themselves are securely attached people, and when they use an authoritative parenting style, meaning they are involved and firm, but also warm and allow independence.

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Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours?

Attachment Styles

Secure Attachment Style

Dismissive Or Avoidant Attachment Style

Anxious Or Preoccupied Attachment Style

Disorganized Attachment Style

Unraveling the Mindset of Victimhood

The Psychological Toll of Rude E-mails

What Is Consciousness?

Bite‑sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours?

Attachment Styles

Secure Attachment Style

Dismissive Or Avoidant Attachment Style

Anxious Or Preoccupied Attachment Style

Disorganized Attachment Style

Unraveling the Mindset of Victimhood

The Psychological Toll of Rude E-mails

What Is Consciousness?

Bite‑sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career