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How to use fear before it uses you

Identify must-have goals

Try imagining yourself when you are 80 years old, nearing the end of your life. Look back on your life as if you had not achieved the goal you are after at this moment in your life. What are your regrets? What do you wish you had made more time for? Is there sadness and regret?  

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How to use fear before it uses you

How to use fear before it uses you

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/how-to-use-fear/

tonyrobbins.com

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Key Ideas

Excuses=Emotional Safety

We make excuses and push aside our dreams. There’s just not enough time, money, etc.) And we start to hide behind those excuses. They’re safe. By becoming more cognizant of your brain’s tendency for using excuses, the better you will become at dismissing them.

Success is Adopting a Growth Mindset

People often give up on what they want because they believe that reaching their goal is beyond their abilities. But successful people, when faced with a setback, try harder. They adapt and adopt a new strategy.

Pain offers insight

Failure, disappointment, dead-ends – these can all be used as a means of reflecting. We are built to adapt. So we should use each experience as a tool to learn more about ourselves and what we really must have in life.

Failure is an impactful teacher

There is no lesson in resilience better than the burn of rejection. But if you use these experiences and adjust your strategy and approach the next time around, you will have an advantage that no one else does.

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The Fear Of Rejection

It interferes with performance and inhibits expression.

Taken to its extreme, we become totally preoccupied with not making a mistake, with seeking approval for security above all othe...

Define the Problem in Writing

Write a clear description of your problem, the answer to the question, “What exactly am I worrying about?”

Fully 50% of all problems can be solved at this definition stage. Many of our worries exist because we have not taken the time to sit down and really define clearly what it is that is bothering us.

The Worst Possible Outcome

Write out the worst possible outcome of the worry situation. Answer the question, “What is the worst possible thing that can happen as a result of this problem?”

It is resistance to facing the worst possible outcome that causes most of the anxiety and stress associated with worry. Writing it down will take away its power.

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Fear of abandonment
Fear of abandonment

Some people will pursue multiple relationships simultaneously because of a fear of abandonment.

They want to have a backup relationship in case something goes wrong, but in doing so, they ...

Signs of the fear of abandonment
  • You feel jealous often.
  • You go overboard in the relationship.
  • You have thoughts about their partner or spouse leaving you.
  • You demand an unrealistic portion of time with your significant other.
  • You have difficulty in trusting their partner or spouse and are controlling.
  • You always look out for the next relationship or significant other to replace the one most recently lost.
  • You feel unworthy, less than or unworthy of love.
  • You have lower self-esteem/ self-confidence.
  • You end relationships before the other person can.
  • You stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of the fear of being abandoned or alone.
  • You will pursue relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
The reason behind the fear of abandonment

Generally, people who have a fear of abandonment feel they are not worthy of being loved.

When a child is attached to someone, and the person leaves them, they are left feeling that they were not fully loved. Even though this is likely not the truth, the child will wonder what made them unlovable. As an adult, they may still feel there is something about them that makes them not worthy. They often believe they should control things so that the person doesn't leave them.

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Fear of failure

We are taught from a young age that failure is bad and something to fear. But, failure is an excellent stepping stone to success. 

We never learn to move out of our comfort zone ...

Failure is temporary

... and failure is good even if it feels really bad when it happens.

 Look for the greater message of the experience and expect it to, eventually, turn out for the good.

Routine failing

It means you are actually active, doing something, moving forward.

We limit ourselves, and we impede our ability to make big things happen when we buy into what society says will work or not work.

We must take a leap, take calculated risks, and be patient for the results. We don’t need to have everything worked out beforehand.

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