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Many people try to help a loved one make significant life changes but fail. They may try to help a spouse quit smoking or get a roommate out of an abusive relationship. They may feel that if they don't help, the person will come to ruin.
Instead of helping, they are engaged in enabling behaviors such as lying and covering for them or threatening to leave but not doing it.
Enabling may accidentally happen when you are trying to help, but after an extended period, you realise that you are really helping.
It might be okay if it happened once, but if these "rescues" happen repeatedly, they don't get to learn from the cause-and-effect pattern of their behaviors.
It's easy to get frustrated when a loved one keeps damaging themselves. This frustration can make us guilt-tripping them. But shaming someone seldom works.
When it doesn't work, we may start to make excuses for them to explain their problem away. This won't help either.
We cannot control another person's behavior nor change it.
Getting in touch with deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and anger will allow you to reconstruct appropriate relationship dynamics. You will know you are on track when:
If you believe that somebody is playing the savior role in your role, try helping them by following the below tips: