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How to productively help someone
We cannot control another person's behavior nor change it.
- Once you understand that, let go of judgments and accept the person. Give them space to share their thoughts and feelings. It doesn't mean you condone their behavior, but you can respect their feelings.
- Hold them accountable without shaming or guilt-tripping. Encourage them to set goals and ask what they need from you to hold them responsible.
- Celebrate successes with them. It will strengthen trust between you and give them permission to feel good about themselves.
- Provide reasonable logistical support and assist in a plan to help them climb out of their circumstances.
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Enabling may accidentally happen when you are trying to help, but after an extended period, you realise that you are really helping.
- Cleaning up after someone is one form of enabling behavior and includes any way of protecting the person from the negative consequences of their o...
Many people try to help a loved one make significant life changes but fail. They may try to help a spouse quit smoking or get a roommate out of an abusive relationship. They may feel that if they don't help, the person will come to ruin.
Instead of helping, they are engaged in enablin...
It's easy to get frustrated when a loved one keeps damaging themselves. This frustration can make us guilt-tripping them. But shaming someone seldom works.
When it doesn't work, we may start to make excuses for them to explain their problem away. This won't help either.
- Our loved ones often come to us in a moment of crisis. They're losing their job or need to pay someone back. We sometimes feel we have to give money or bail them out in some form. But after a time or two, you become the consistent rescuer while they continue in their unaccountab...
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It is defined by the constant need to try and save people by solving their problems. You have this syndrome, if:
- you feel attracted by vulnerable individuals
- you try to change the others, as you believe that you know what is better for them
- you alwa...
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The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such as narcissism.
A classic codependency model is an alcoholic husband and his enabling wife.
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You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.
Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.
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