The root cause of confusing complexity may come from fear of how an audience might respond if our real intentions are known.
The origins may have started in childhood. A child becomes complicated when they are given the impression that there is no room for their honesty. A child may have received irritation or open anger for their honesty.
MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE
Straightforward people are easy to be around with because we know exactly what the issues are from the start. There is no need to guess or infer or translate.
If they don't want to do something, they will politely tell you it's not for them. If they are unhappy with your behavior, they will gently tell you how they view the situation.
Complicated people are very unsure about the legitimacy of their own desires, making them unable to let the world know what they really want and feel.
They may initially appear to agree with everything you're saying, but later on, their reservations will become known. They will say they want to join you for dinner but will inwardly ache for an early night. They will give the impression of being happy while crying inside. They will say sorry when they want you to apologize.
We can change by noticing and growing curious about the origins of our habitual evasiveness. We can realise that no one will shout at us if we reveal our aspirations. Or if they do, we can walk away.
We can also recognise that our complicated behaviour doesn't have the effect of pleasing people. Most people prefer to deal with frustration head on rather than listening to a nice story and then have to suffer disappointment.
Children cannot give up on their parents or guardians, even if there is cruelty, neglect, coldness, unreliability, meanness, or broken promises. The love certain caretakers provide is blended with dark and unhealthy elements, and yet children keep the faith that the person in charge of them will get better or are not as bad as they seem.
In face of continuous neglect or even torture, the child thinks the problem may be with them
We’ll continue not to be spontaneous until we can understand how and why being spontaneous once felt so dangerous.
We should recognise that many of our inhibitions are no longer necessary - that we can relax from whatever fear we felt as children. We can prepare areas of great order and logic but then allow for moments when we relax, feeling safe in the knowledge that not everything is at stake. We can try to dance a little or take off without too much of a plan.
Our parents are connected to us not by choice, but by history and biology. We are physically and emotionally intertwined with them in extremely intricate ways and do not share a similar relationship with anyone else.
Outside our families, we assume people and other relatives are normal, but maybe everyone is like that and we never got to know the other families in such detail.