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A fully functioning human

To psychotherapist Carl Rogers, the loneliest state is not the loneliness of social relationships, but a separation from one's own experience. Rogers developed the notion of the "fully functioning person" that is characterized as:

  • Is open to all of the elements of their experience
  • Develops a trust in their own experiences
  • Is accepting of the locus of evaluation that is within themselves
  • Is learning to live their life by participating and discovering new aspects of themselves.

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Choose Growth

Choose Growth

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/choose-growth/

blogs.scientificamerican.com

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Key Ideas

Abraham Maslow

Abraham Maslow

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

Deficiency vs. Growth

Abraham Maslow argued that all needs could be grouped into two main classes: deficiency and growth.

  • Deficiency needs are motivated by a lack of satisfaction, such as the lack of food, safety, affection, belonging, or self-esteem. The higher the need, the more we change reality to satisfy the most deficient needs.
  • Growth needs have a different sort of wisdom. Instead of being driven by fears and anxieties, it is more accepting and loving. It is asking, "What choices will lead me to greater integration and wholeness?" rather than "How can I defend myself?"

Forming a faulty deficiency mindset

At a young age, when an expression of a need is disregarded as not as important as the needs of the caretaker, a child may get the message that they are not loved while they have this need.

This causes people to behave in a way they think they should feel, not how they really feel. As adults, they are always influenced by others' opinions and driven by their insecurities and fears of facing themselves.

A fully functioning human

To psychotherapist Carl Rogers, the loneliest state is not the loneliness of social relationships, but a separation from one's own experience. Rogers developed the notion of the "fully functioning person" that is characterized as:

  • Is open to all of the elements of their experience
  • Develops a trust in their own experiences
  • Is accepting of the locus of evaluation that is within themselves
  • Is learning to live their life by participating and discovering new aspects of themselves.

Security goals and Growth goals

Goals are grouped into two main clusters:

  • Security Goals: Have well-respected opinions, have many fine things, be admired by others, be well-known to many, be financially successful, find a good, high-paying job.
  • Growth Goals: help those who need it, show affection to loved ones, feel much loved by intimates, be accepted for who I am, help improve the world, contribute something lasting.

When people are under conditions of freedom, they tend to move towards growth. The goal isn’t to become completely growth-oriented and despise security, but under freedom, the balance tips towards growth.

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The 2 Models of Human Development
  • The 'Surrender Yourself' model dials up your levels of happiness as you progress from your basic needs (like food and good health) towards your achievements like recognized success, or ...
Self-Actualization

It implies acknowledging and respecting the sacredness and uniqueness of each kind of person. Self-Actualization also necessitates full access to information, full knowledge of the truth, and being able to choose without fear or social pressure.

The one thing left out of this theory is social psychology, as all the needs of a human being cannot be understood in isolation and social conditions are also necessary for personal growth.

Self-Transcendence

It involves advancing a cause greater and beyond the self, experiencing a drastic shift in perspective, beyond the confines of the self through the highest level of experience.

Self-transcenders have a completely selfless value system and are leaning towards serving humanity, with an eventual goal of transcending their ego.

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Expectations of marriage

People are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages. On top of the age-old love and cherish, the hope is that our spouse will help us grow to become a better version of our...

The cultural shift
  • Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not really nurturing.
  • Around the 1960s, we rebelled as a society against the norms and preferred humanistic psychology with ideas about human potential and the possibility of living a more authentic life.
Fulfillment of goals

The changing nature of our expectations of marriage has made more marriages fall short and disappoint us. But the fulfillment of a new set of goals is now within reach.

We can have a beautiful set of experiences with our spouse. We can have a particularly satisfying marriage, but we can’t do it if we’re not spending the time and the emotional energy to understand each other and help promote each other’s personal growth.

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The theory of motivation
The theory of motivation
The theory of Maslow represents itself as a pyramid that explains the levels of needs.
  • The lowest and first one is physical needs such as water, food, and air. 
  • Second, ...
Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the subjective evaluation of your own worth. There are two sources to fulfill this need:

  1. The need for respect from others that is obtained from recognition and admiration.
  2. The need for self-respect in the form of self-love, skill or aptitude. If you buy things because you want to prove yourself, you will fulfill your need for self-love.
    Self-actualization

    Self-actualization is the realization of one's uniquely creative, intellectual, or social potential. It is a very personal experience.

    When their need for self-esteem is fulfilled, where they have accepted themselves for the good and the bad, people move on to self-actualization.