Argument Etiquette

A verbal debate is natural, and it's good to share opposing views and to hear arguments. The problem with online arguments is that there are no boundaries. Depending on the forum, almost anyone in the world can share their opinions with you at any time of the day or night.

There is no telling yourself that your mind is at rest now. You're ever alert looking for an argument. The reason is that you're addicted to the flood of adrenaline and dopamine that comes when you feel like you "win."

When you post something controversial online, you're inviting people with different views to engage. In some cases, you may feel so strongly about a certain topic that you think it is worth putting out there, regardless of the consequences.

However, the most polarising topics are best discussed in real-time in a small group with familiar people. In a personal conversation, we are more able to modulate what and how we share.

It is frustrating when you're arguing with someone, and you feel like they don't listen. But you really only have control over what you do. You can't make someone listen to you, but you can listen to them.

Instead of accusing the other person of not listening, say "I'm listening," followed by repeating what they just said. Once they feel heard, they'll feel respected. When they feel respected, they're more likely to return the favour.

Most people have more in common than they think. A genuine agreement is a great tool during an argument. Saying, "You're right" or "I agree with you" can establish some common ground to have a productive or meaningful conversation.

Along with that, you should still avoid saying "You're wrong" as it immediately puts someone on their guard and alienates them.