Sharpen up Your ‘Argument Etiquette’ by Letting Someone Else Win for a Change

The fallacy of our seemingly perfect argument lies in the fact that we assume that the other person is reasonable and logical, just as we are. That is not true in both cases.

Most of us have gotten into an argument where no matter how hard we try, we cannot seem to get through the other person. Our perfectly logical and easy-to-understand explanation isn’t enough to close the argument, and that feels frustrating.

• When we confront new information, we interpret it to support our existing beliefs. Any thought or discussion that confirms our prejudice and thought patterns seems appealing to us and is known as confirmation bias.
• When we try to argue our case (because of course, we are right!) it strengthens the defence of the opposition.
• However wrong it seems to us, their arguments are correct too according to the confirmation bias they have experienced, which has solidified their point of view.

Get into the other person’s shoes and figure out why their point of view is so important for them.

Conflict is almost inevitable in an argument due to both the parties ‘doubling down’ on their confirmation bias. Instead of going the way of souring your relations, a better approach is to have an open mind and simply understand the other person’s point of view.

Arguing with someone generally means that only one person can win by default, a productive and healthy debate can mean there is a good amount of learning for both the participants and the aim is to have a positive outcome benefiting all.

The subject of right and wrong is itself subjective, and the differences lie in what is significant and crucial for the individual. If we can understand this and learn the opposite sides of the issue, then we can work towards resolving the conflict.

When engaging in a debate, here are a few things to take care of:

1. Empathize with the other person’s point of view.
2. Try not to make the debate a ‘he-said-she-said’ slinging fest, and keep it productive and solution-based.
3. Do not argue in an email or text message, as it makes one lose the power of hand gestures, facial expressions, and the intonation of our words, which can change the context of the statements.
4. Take a break and cool down, if it seems the conversation isn’t going anywhere.