Learn more about communication with this collection
How to practice self-compassion
How to identify and challenge negative self-talk
How to build self-confidence
Unsing open-ended questions
Being a good listener is not about getting the facts about what made them upset. It is to be supportive, offer encouragement, and empathize.
Ask open-ended questions to communicate that you're interested in them. Avoid questions beginning with 'Why' and use 'What' or 'How' instead. Generic open-ended questions that work well are:
- What was that like for you?
- Can you tell me more about that?
- How did you feel about that?
- What was going through your mind?
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The ability to be a good listener
The idea of being a good listener is almost a cliche. Yet, most of us are terrible at it.
Becoming a good listener is not that difficult if you know where to start and are willing to practice. If cultivated, the quality of your most important relationships will dra...
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Reflect on what you’re hearing
Paraphrase what the person has said back to you.
When we reflect back what another person is saying, we are making them feel heard and understood. When people feel genuinely heard, they feel connected.
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Validate your own emotions
Defensiveness sabotages your ability to be a good listener. People become defensive when they feel threatened in a relationship.
The best way to avoid defensiveness and continue to listen well, even when you're upset, is to practice validating your own emotions. Say to yourself tha...
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Focus on the person, not the problem
Our ability to solve problems is helpful in life, but it is the wrong thing to do in situations when people simply want to be heard, understood, and feel connected.
When someone is scared, angry, depressed, or just upset, they don't want to feel like something is wrong wit...
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Validate the emotions of the other person
When we acknowledge and validate how someone feels, we send them the message that we understand them on a deeper level.
When we validate another person's emotion by naming it and acknowledging that we understand it, we give the other person the right to feel the way they d...
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Open-ended questions
Avoid questions you can answer “yes” or “no”. They are closed-ended, don’t generate discussion and they rarely yield any insight.
By asking open-ended questions, you get far more interesting insights. They invite reflection and start discussions.
Ask open-ended questions
While there are plenty of situations where closed-ended questions are appropriate, couples who consistently communicate with open-ended questions, to spark “big talk,” show that they have a sincere interest in their partners and want to create closeness.
Ask open-ended questions
A mediation mindset is a place for trying to get to the root of an issue. That might mean proceeding without an agenda and just trying to learn more.
Use open-ended questions: "Can you tell me why?” Keep the questions to six words or fewer. And don’t think too much. Just...
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