Suppressing feelings works but it makes them stronger. When you suppress, your ability to experience positive feelings decreases while your stress soars as the amygdala (a part of the brain associated with emotions) starts working overtime.

The Harms Of Holding Anger

“Our emotional responses ultimately flow out of our appraisals of the world, and if we can shift those appraisals, we shift our emotional responses.”Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long

“Reappraisal, by contrast, has no detectable adverse consequences for social affiliation in a laboratory context. Correlational studies support these findings: Individuals who typically use reappraisal are more likely to share their emotions— both positive and negative— and report having closer relationships with friends, which matches their peers’ reports of greater liking."Handbook of Emotion Regulation

Suppressing your feelings uses our limited supply of willpower, meaning you’re more likely to do things you regret after you’re angry.Meanwhile, neither sadness nor neutral arousal results in destructive risk-taking.

The Brain’s Limited Supply of Willpower

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.But that said, telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usually the best way to go.

Dealing with Anger According to Context

Scientific evidence suggests that when someone goes off on you, simply thinking: “It’s not about me. They must be having a bad day,” can soothe anger. Shifting your beliefs about a situation makes your brain calm down the amygdala, changing the emotions you feel. The same works for anxiety, by reappraising stress as excitement you reduce the former.

Reappraisal as an Anger Management Tool

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.Telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usually the best way to go.

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

The Power of Forgiveness

“Correlational studies support these laboratory findings. Individuals who typically use suppression report avoiding close relationships and having less positive relations with others; this dovetails with peers’ reports that suppressors have relationships with others that are less emotionally close.” English, John, & Gross, 2013; Gross & John, 2003; Srivastava, Tamir, McGonigal, John, & Gross, 2009

Distracting yourself allocates your brain’s limited resources on something else, leaving it less power to dwell on the bad.Research suggests cognitive and emotional tasks use the same limited mental resources, so engaging in a cognitive activity, things that require thinking impairs your brain’s ability to remain angry.

Emotion And Cognition

“… if people can change how they mentally represent a stimulus, they can exert self-control and escape from being victims of the hot stimuli that have come to control their behavior."Walter Mischel

<ol><li>Suppress rarely. You’ll feel worse inside and hurt the relationship.</li><li>Don’t vent. It increases anger. Distract yourself, instead.</li><li>Reappraisal is often the best option. Think: “It’s not about me. They must be having a bad day.”</li></ol>

Three Quick Steps to Get Rid of Anger

The Anger Fighting Power of Forgiveness

“…focusing on a negative emotion will likely intensify the experience of that emotion further and thus make down-regulation more difficult, leading to lower adjustment and well-being.”Handbook of Emotion Regulation

When you get angry and you think “people are out to get you” you are reappraising, too. You’re telling yourself a story that’s even worse than reality. And your anger soars. So don’t do that.

The Dangers of Negative Reappraisal

Venting your anger intensifies emotion. Meanwhile, sharing this feeling constructively or distracting yourself are good ideas.

Don’t Vent Your Anger

They're one inch from your face, boiling with rage, screaming and yelling at you. And all you want to do is scream and yell back. But you know that's not going to be good for anyone... I've talked before about how to deal with others who are angry and irrational, but how can you control those emotions in yourself?

Understand yourself and those around you.

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