Learn more about loveandrelationships with this collection
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The real issue behind a relationship fight
The deeper issues that drive escalation is seldom about the content of the fight. The real issue is about the needs, vulnerabilities, and biases that get triggered again and again, creating a lens through which we view every interaction.
For example, if our partner makes time to play tennis with a friend but doesn't show interest in a date night, we may think they don't want to be with us. We may then interpret everything else from the angle that they don't want to be with us.
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Three hidden dimensions under relationship fights
Identifying the hidden dimension under the relationship fight can affect how we fight and how we move forward.
- Power and control fights: "You undermine me with the kids."/ "Because I make less money, I feel like I have to check with you before I buy anything."
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Couple fights: Getting out of the habit
Someone is usually extremely angry or deeply upset because they care. But that care can be better used. It requires developing the skills and language to identify the underlying dynamics which is behind our fights.
When we together understand how these patterns cam...
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Relationship fights that leaves us beyond repair
We all know that moment when a relationship fight pushes us over the edge. It's when we wonder how this very same issue that upsets me so much can pop up again.
Dishes left piling up in the sink. Too much time scrolling through social media when we desire quality time. The tone of voic...
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Other curated ideas on this topic:
A balanced relationship
- Assess where you are right now. If there is too much neediness or you feel that your partner is way too independent and doesn't want to be with you, rebalancing how you relate is very important.
- Begin looking at how you got there. Ask each other some questions like "Did this start b...
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