The 3 Types of Relationship Fights You Keep Having - And What To Do About Them
Curated from: estherperel.com
Ideas, facts & insights covering these topics:
4 ideas
·1.62K reads
16
Explore the World's Best Ideas
Join today and uncover 100+ curated journeys from 50+ topics. Unlock access to our mobile app with extensive features.
Relationship fights that leaves us beyond repair
We all know that moment when a relationship fight pushes us over the edge. It's when we wonder how this very same issue that upsets me so much can pop up again.
Dishes left piling up in the sink. Too much time scrolling through social media when we desire quality time. The tone of voice that makes us feel stupid. The personal jabs that leave us feeling raw.
92
536 reads
The real issue behind a relationship fight
The deeper issues that drive escalation is seldom about the content of the fight. The real issue is about the needs, vulnerabilities, and biases that get triggered again and again, creating a lens through which we view every interaction.
For example, if our partner makes time to play tennis with a friend but doesn't show interest in a date night, we may think they don't want to be with us. We may then interpret everything else from the angle that they don't want to be with us.
99
322 reads
Three hidden dimensions under relationship fights
Identifying the hidden dimension under the relationship fight can affect how we fight and how we move forward.
- Power and control fights: "You undermine me with the kids."/ "Because I make less money, I feel like I have to check with you before I buy anything."
- Care and closeness fights: "Why am I always the one to text or call you? "Why can't you support me when I'm anxious?"
- Respect and recognition fights: "You never acknowledge my accomplishments."/"I don't think you realize how much I do."
105
352 reads
Couple fights: Getting out of the habit
Someone is usually extremely angry or deeply upset because they care. But that care can be better used. It requires developing the skills and language to identify the underlying dynamics which is behind our fights.
When we together understand how these patterns came to be, we can help each other through it and create new patterns.
- "I feel something, but that doesn't mean you're necessarily doing it. I need you to hear that,"
- "Honey, I'm going to friends tonight, but was thinking we can do something special tomorrow - what do you think?"
100
411 reads
IDEAS CURATED BY
Matthew I.'s ideas are part of this journey:
Learn more about loveandrelationships with this collection
How to create customer-centric strategies
The importance of empathy in customer success
The impact of customer success on business growth
Related collections
Similar ideas
5 ideas
How to Fix the Fights You're Sick of Having
estherperel.com
1 idea
Routines and Rituals - Esther Perel
estherperel.com
4 ideas
Relationship Accountability and the Rise of Ghosting
estherperel.com
Read & Learn
20x Faster
without
deepstash
with
deepstash
with
deepstash
Personalized microlearning
—
100+ Learning Journeys
—
Access to 200,000+ ideas
—
Access to the mobile app
—
Unlimited idea saving
—
—
Unlimited history
—
—
Unlimited listening to ideas
—
—
Downloading & offline access
—
—
Supercharge your mind with one idea per day
Enter your email and spend 1 minute every day to learn something new.
I agree to receive email updates