Take responsibility for your own feelings

“You are not your idea, and if you identify too closely with your ideas, you will take offense when they are challenged.”

Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive. 

• Be direct and assertive when you express yourself. 
• Stay focused on how you respond. 
• Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.

Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others? 

The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. 

In a disagreement, often certain crucial information isn't available or isn't clearly understood by either person. We need to ask ourselves if:

• The argument is about something that can be verified.
• If it matters to you (meaningful).
• If it is useful.

Anxiety spikes happen when something triggers us during an argument, usually when what that we care about feels threatened.

We need to be aware of these spikes to guide us into the emotional aspect of the argument, rather than only focusing on information.