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7 Habits of Irresistibly Engaging Conversationalists
Traits Of Engaging Conversationalists
- They display genuine interest in what their partner is saying. They actively listen, rather than simply waiting for their own turn to speak.
- They demonstrate attention by looking directly at the speaker.
- They ask questions and go deeper into topics of others to not monopolize the exchange.
- They can skip the small talk for more substantial matters.
- They entertain and engage by telling stories and are good at bringing them up in conversations.
- They pay attention to their energy, body language and tone of voice to bring their statements to life.
- To avoid losing the focus and attention of their conversational partner, they keep the conversation flowing and don’t pause for too long or focus on dull topics.
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It's not all about you
A self-centered worldview will have you chasing boogeymen where they don’t exist.
Stop psycho-analyzing every word choice your partner makes and be more present in the moment so ...
Stop psyching yourself out
Have you ever found thinking negative thoughts like, “I know they’ll get sick of me someday,” or, “How could they love me?”
These thoughts have little to do with reality but a lot to do with fear.
Stop lugging around all that baggage
A little baggage is totally okay, but you need to lighten your load before jumping into any new relationship.
Let go of any left-over hurtful feelings that might be lingering and realize that your new relationship is a new opportunity to put all of that behind you.
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Step #5: Exits
Use bookmarks to end well. Examples:
- Future Mentions: “Well, I can’t wait to see you at that ___ coming up—I’ll email you!”
- Inside Jokes: “It was g...
Step #4: Evaluate Your Conversational Performance
After an event ask yourself what went well, what did you learn and who should you follow-up with so you can keep learning and honing your ability.
This can help you identify patterns and remember to follow up on bookmarks, LinkedIn connections and promises.
Step #3: Bookmarking
Use the ‘Bookmarking’ technique to create a deeper connection by adding verbal markers or emphasis to parts of the conversation:
- Future Mentions: saying something that will require follow up on later.
- Inside Jokes: making jokes that refer to something interesting or funny you and the listener was involved in.
- Same Same: exclaiming how crazy it is you have something in common and talking about it.
- You Have to See: saying that you will share something they are interested in with them later.
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Mindsets around new conversations
Go into a situation where you will need to speak with people with the mindset of, "I am curious and I want to learn more about other people", rather than going into it with the mindset...
Listen with intent
The best conversationalists aren’t those who always have witty things to say, but those who are genuine listeners.
Good listeners don’t just listen with their ears, but with their whole body. They lean into the conversation, establish eye contact, and provide their undivided attention to the person they’re speaking with.
Ask open-ended questions
Those that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer, are the best type of questions to ask if you’re looking to establish common ground.
Just be careful not to overdo your questioning. You don’t want the other person to feel like they’re being interrogated.
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