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Step #4: Evaluate Your Conversational Performance
After an event ask yourself what went well, what did you learn and who should you follow-up with so you can keep learning and honing your ability.
This can help you identify patterns and remember to follow up on bookmarks, LinkedIn connections and promises.
MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE
Use bookmarks to end well. Examples:
- Future Mentions: “Well, I can’t wait to see you at that ___ coming up—I’ll email you!”
- Inside Jokes: “It was great laughing with you. I’ll be sure to ___ in the future ;)”
- Same Same: “I’m so glad I met a fellow ___ fan. You made my night!”
- You Have to See: “I’ll be sure to send that link your way, great talking to you!”
Use the ‘Bookmarking’ technique to create a deeper connection by adding verbal markers or emphasis to parts of the conversation:
- Future Mentions: saying something that will require follow up on later.
- Inside Jokes: making jokes that refer to something interesting or funny you and the listener was involved in.
- Same Same: exclaiming how crazy it is you have something in common and talking about it.
- You Have to See: saying that you will share something they are interested in with them later.
- Research has found that “Hello, how are you?” is the most effective conversation starter, but you can use context, like impressions or the location, in its place.
- Bring up topics, look for ideas and ask questions that spark energy or get the person excited.
- The eyebrow raise is what we do when we hear or see something interesting. It clues you in to a topic that they might like discussing.
- Stories are great to hold attention, instigate emotion and are more easily remembered. Keep in mind your favorite ones, the ones that can backup claims and how you can answer with anecdotes.
- When we share something, we often want someone else to share something. Give back as much as you get.
- Don’t be a conversational narcissist. Ensure you do equal parts talking and listening.
- Don’t try to constantly outdo others or their stories. Let people enjoy their moment and celebrate with them, don’t one-up them.
We make our first impression in the first 7 seconds of seeing someone, sometimes even before we interact. You can signal friendliness by:
- Keeping your hands visible
- Rolling your shoulders down and back so they are nice and relaxed
- Smiling when you see someone you recognize or you want to talk to
Purpose provides confidence, boosts influence and is contagious. To be more purposeful in your conversations answer the following:
- Who is hosting the event?
- What kinds of people are going?
- When is it and what’s the schedule?
- Why are you going?
RELATED IDEAS
"This dip is delicious!" "Nice turnout for this event!"
There's something positive to say in nearly every situation, so find it and say it. Don't say something negative because it's much too risky.
- Approaching for the first time someone you don’t know: focus on them, ask about them and approach humbly.
- Deciding when to end a conversation: you can end the conversation by excusing yourself and saying you have something that needs to be attended to.
- Awkward silences: knowing when to shift to another topic, introducing a new person to the conversation or even having a few conversation-continuers at the ready can help.
- Accidentally saying something inappropriate: apologize quickly, admit the embarrassment, and, if you mean it, apologize without excuses. Trying to smooth it over will dig the hole deeper.
- When someone else says something inappropriate: by diffusing the situation, and redirecting the conversation. Practicing active listening reveals when to intervene.
Asking people to talk and simply listening to them makes you a better conversationalist and extremely likeable.
The basics of active listening are:
- Do not interrupt, disagree or evaluate the other person’s words.
- Nod your head or make appropriate acknowledgement.
- Repeat back a short summary of what you heard.
- Inquire and ask questions, showing real interest.