Employees often make up their own stories when they don't get helpful feedback. The stories they tell themselves are often a problem for them (and for the manager). By giving helpful feedback, you'll give your employees the data they need to do more of what's working, and give them less opportunities to make up their own stories.

Without helpful feedback, employees will make up stories

Most professionals prefer to know what good and not-so-good impact they're having. If satisfactory performance is "not a problem employee", you will probably sit with "non-troublemakers" instead of high-performing, committed and engaged professionals. Instead, let your employees know specifically what you appreciate and value when they meet expectations, and share your perspective on how they could improve if they fall short.

Story 1: “As long as I’m not creating trouble for my manager, I’m doing fine.”

It's the manager's job to create a psychologically safe environment where an employee won't be punished when they make a mistake. If you fear that feedback won't be well-received, it may be that you're falling short:<ul><li>You're not helping your direct report to have more impact.</li><li>You're not modelling accountable behaviour if you don't give feedback because you fear how it will be taken.</li><li>You may be contributing to a lack of psychological safety.</li></ul> Instead, consider why you fear your colleague won't receive feedback well. If you don't have a good reason, go ahead and give feedback. Just do it.

Story 2: “My manager doesn’t think I can take feedback well.”

If you really believe your employee cannot change, you will not offer him resources or opportunities to change. Instead, adopt a growth mindset for your employee and yourself. Employees with growth mindsets welcome challenges and work harder and more effectively, making them better contributors to their organisations. You will give more feedback because you believe they will rise to the challenge.

Story 3: “My manager doesn’t think I can change.”

There are three common stories that employees tell themselves when they don’t get enough feedback from their managers: 1.) “As long as I’m not creating trouble for my manager, I’m doing fine.” If the bar for satisfactory performance is “not a problem employee”, then your bar is way too low. 2.) “My manager doesn’t think I can take feedback well.” If you don’t have compelling evidence to support the belief that your employee won’t receive feedback well, then you need to, as Nike suggests, “Just do it”. 3.) “My manager doesn’t think I can change.” It’s important to adopt a growth mindset, for your employee and for yourself. By giving more helpful feedback, you’ll be providing your employees with the data they need to do more of what’s working, less of what isn’t, and with fewer opportunities to make up their own stories.

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

communication

Communication

humanresources

Human Resources

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

The Assumptions Employees Make When They Don’t Get Feedback

A manager knows its star performers. The company's world is easier thanks to them. Great employees don't always make noise. If their unhappiness last long, they might just get up and go. They know their own worth and can find another company looking for A players.

Great employess don't complain, they leave.

1. Stay engaged - keep lines of communication open with regular, consistent, weekly 1:1s.2. Be curious - find out what engages them by simply asking "what enables you to bring your best self to work? What drives and motivates you?"  Just ask.3. Take action - once you know what drives your employees, create a plan and act on it. Having an agreed upon plan with your employees makes a difference. It's never foolproof of course, but the odds of you being aware of potential issues and being able to solve them proactively is higher with a plan in place.

How to keep the best people?

Interesting observation about how valuable team members react to unhappiness in the work place and how to prevent it. Liked the "just ask" part of the process of mediation.

As a new manager, who comes to mind when you think of a great employee? In most cases it only takes a second or two to answer that question - you know your star performers. Your best people constantly impress you with their work and the positive impact they have on others.

remotework

Remote Work

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Career

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Great Employees Don't Complain - They Walk Away

Each people are giants in their own circle (leaders in team, coach, father in family). And this made each one of us should do self introspection to see our best and worst qualities as these may impact people that look us as 'giants'.Find your views on success, find your unconscious bias and pay attention how you response to the peoplewho have different views or you have bias on. As you understand that your action as 'giants' may impact others, you will also need to consider on what you promise and filter your feedback, as what you do may eventually build a culture.

We Are a Giant and What We Need to Do About It

People need to understand themself and how they impact other people in their circle.

"THE MOST UNLIKELY OF PEOPLE, IN THE MOST IMPROBABLE OF CIRCUMSTANCES, CAN BECOME EXTRAORDINARY." WE NEED MORE LEADERS. From socio-political chaos and workplace disruption to the climate change crisis, we have never needed people with the skill and will to collaborate to create a better world more than now. We need people who are willing to fill the leadership void. People who will embrace the influence they have. People who believe in improving society and workplace culture - not only because it makes life better, but because it is proven to yield positive results. The Promises of Giants is a challenge to anyone who aspires to make a difference in their environment. Over fourteen promises, it seamlessly intertwines personal anecdotes and workplace and social observation with the latest research, to provide practical, proven tips and strategies to empower you to maximize your own potential and inspire others. It is not a self-help book. It is a how-to guide for winning, rooted in the belief that the most unlikely of people, in the most improbable of circumstances, can become extraordinary. John Amaechi well understands the responsibilities and potential that come with being a giant. The Promises of Giants is the product of a lifetime spent observing and studying effective leadership - from accompanying his mother's visits to her dying patients to competing at the highest levels of professional sport, through two decades of management consulting with multinational corporations. These experiences have shown that everyone has the ability to act decisively to influence the world in a positive way. Everyone is a giant to someone.

parenting

Parenting

books

Books

"THE MOST UNLIKELY OF PEOPLE, IN THE MOST IMPROBABLE OF CIRCUMSTANCES, CAN BECOME EXTRAORDINARY." WE NEED MORE LEADERS. From socio-political chaos and workplace disruption to the climate change crisis, we have never needed people with the skill and will to collaborate to create a better world more than now. We need people who are willing to fill the leadership void. People who will embrace the influence they have. People who believe in improving society and workplace culture - not only because it makes life better, but because it is proven to yield positive results. The Promises of Giants is a challenge to anyone who aspires to make a difference in their environment. Over fourteen promises, it seamlessly intertwines personal anecdotes and workplace and social observation with the latest research, to provide practical, proven tips and strategies to empower you to maximize your own potential and inspire others. It is not a self-help book. It is a how-to guide for winning, rooted in the belief that the most unlikely of people, in the most improbable of circumstances, can become extraordinary. John Amaechi well understands the responsibilities and potential that come with being a giant. The Promises of Giants is the product of a lifetime spent observing and studying effective leadership - from accompanying his mother's visits to her dying patients to competing at the highest levels of professional sport, through two decades of management consulting with multinational corporations. These experiences have shown that everyone has the ability to act decisively to influence the world in a positive way. Everyone is a giant to someone.

John Amaechi

The Promises of Giants

We have a tendency to want to work with friends, but it turns out that this inhibits creativity. We need new people in the team as well.It is unlikely that a team that has worked together for a long time will come up with something really original. So add some diversity. If you want your team to be agile and innovative then do not recruit new players who will ‘fit in’; choose people who will challenge the group’s thinking.

Teams that are too close have their innovation diminished.  


During the 1920s most of the musicals developed by great names like Cole Porter, Richard Rodgers, Lorenz Hart and Oscar Hammerstein were flops. The problem was that these artists got into the habit of collaborating only with friends. The repeat relationships stifled creativity.  The problem according was that these artists got into the habit of collaborating only with friends. The repeat relationships stifled creativity. The most successful teams had an intermediate level of social intimacy – some old friends and some newcomers. ‘They were comfortable with each other, but not too comfortable.’

Don't get comfortable

Liked the insight that teams must not be perfectly 'coherent'. It is better to have very different people working together so they can challenge how things are done. Less pressure to fit in.

We have a tendency to want to work with friends but it turns out that this inhibits creativity. We need new people in the team as well.

problemsolving

Problem Solving

teamwork

Teamwork

Teams that get on well together are less creative

Starting a new job always comes with a few unexpected challenges. One that is especially hard to navigate is a strained relationship with your new boss. What should you do if you realize you’re just not getting along? Start by diagnosing the problem. Here are a few reasons why your relationship might be strained and few things you can try to help mitigate the relationship.

Not Really Clicking With The New Boss

One aspect of personality that can cause difficulties involves the trait of conscientiousness, which reflects your motivation to complete the tasks you start well and to follow rules. You may feel that your boss is piling too many tasks on you. It is important to find out your boss’s expectations for the level of perfection that is expected for particular tasks. That will help you to calibrate the amount of effort that is needed for assignments and may help you deal with a long to-do list.

Reason 1: You Are More Conscientious

If you are more agreeable than your boss, they may not always provide you with feedback that makes you feel welcome at work. Consequently, you may have concerns that your boss doesn’t like you.It is important to pay attention to how your boss treats everyone. If they are not that warm, then focus on feedback you get about your performance rather than on the interpersonal interactions you have.

Reason 2: You Are More of A People-Pleaser

People who are open are motivated to check out and embrace new opportunities, while those who are closed find reasons to avoid new approaches.When you and your boss differ a lot in openness, then one of you is probably pushing the other to think about things in a new way, while the other is resisting this urge. When your boss is less open than you are, it is valuable to inform your boss about new approaches or opportunities well in advance of when you need a decision in order to give your boss a chance to get comfortable with the novelty of the situation before having to evaluate it.

Reason 3: You Differ in How You Approach New Opportunities

If you have a mismatch between what you think you should be doing and what your boss thinks you should be doing, then you are likely to get negative feedback about your performance despite your efforts because you are working on the “wrong” things.In this case, you’ll want to bring your to-do list to your check-ins so you can walk through it together to determine which tasks are most important (and to amplify what I wrote earlier, which tasks need your best effort).

Reason 3: Your Boss Doesn’t Help You Prioritize

What should you do if your boss communicates about priorities, but the thing deemed most important shifts from day-to-day? This pattern often happens when your boss is reactive to events rather than strategic. This roller-coaster can be difficult to ride because you are never sure what you are supposed to be doing on any given day.It can be valuable to have frequent check-ins with a boss whose priorities shift so that you can determine whether there are new areas where you should be making progress.

Reason 4: Your Boss Is More Reactive than Strategic

This can be particularly problematic when your boss is very agreeable. Because agreeable people want to be liked, they often have difficulty giving direct negative feedback, because they feel as though they will not be liked when they criticize. In this case, it is important to ask specific questions about your work to <a href="https://hbr.org/2015/05/how-to-get-the-feedback-you-need">elicit the feedback you need to improve</a>. The benefit of this approach is that as your agreeable boss realizes that you take constructive criticism well, your boss will often be better able to offer it without being asked.

Reason 5: You Aren’t Getting the Feedback You Need

It is worth remembering that <a href="https://hbr.org/2016/12/do-you-hate-your-boss">you don’t need to really like your boss to like your job</a>. If your work environment is stable and you get along with at least a few of your colleagues, it is okay if you and your boss are not people who would hang out together. You still may learn a lot from watching how your boss navigates their tasks. Focus on what makes them successful and take those lessons with you when you step into your own leadership role.

The Bottom Line

You Don’t Like Your New Boss. What Should You Do?

You want to eat healthier but instead, reach for junk food. You want your kids to fold and put away their clothes, but you don't want to remind them constantly. You'd like your spouse to remember to do the dishes, but you don't want to nag. There's a way to get people to do more things you need and want to do without nagging. It's called nudge theory.

Encourage people with the nudge theory

Nudge theory is the practice of shaping one’s environment to encourage people to make a specific decision. Nudging uses small, subtle reminders and indirect suggestions to influence behaviour instead of obvious incentives or strict enforcement. A nudge is only effective if the person being nudged does not perceive any restriction in their options. They should feel in control of the decisions they make.

The nudge theory

<ul><li>Reminders at the right time. Telling your partner in the morning to get something from the store in the afternoon will not be very effective, but sending them a text just as they leave work will.</li><li>Planning prompts: getting people to make concrete when, where, and how you'll do something will increase follow through. A parent can ask their child "what time will you do your homework?" and "how will you remind yourself?"</li><li>Discourage certain behaviours by putting small barriers between yourself and the behaviour. Putting your phone in a different room can prevent checking it every five minutes.</li></ul>

How to nudge others

We want to do better, healthier things for our future selves, so it helps create nudges to make decisions in advance. Creating a meal plan on your off day or signing up for a class at the gym a few days in advance will help to get your behaviour aligned with your long-term intentions, not just for what you want right now.

Making choices in advance

There are many subtle ways we can positively influence our own and others' choices.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

How 'Nudge Theory' Can Help You (and Others) Make Better Choices

If you're looking to become a great leader--as a manager, as a boss, as an entrepreneur--you must start from the qualities that make you different from the rest . Let's go through those important traits .

Significant Ways That Make Great Leaders Different From Us . 

People need to be valued. Great leaders make people feel that they are at the heart, that they're part of making things happen.

1. Make people feel valuable .

Spend time getting to know those you're leading. Don't lord it over anyone; instead, listen. When you connect, you are investing in building even more connection.

2. Make the time to connect.

Always speak honestly and with candor. Show that you are not afraid to speak the truth in any situation

3. Be honest and straightforward even when the news is bad.

If the blame is yours--whether because of your direct action, an unsuccessful strategy, or a failure of your leadership--accept it. Don't make excuses, pass the buck, or throw others under the bus.

4. Take the heat.

The best leaders know that they could not have accomplished much on their own. It takes a team, a group, to make things happen, so give each member of that team credit for your success.

5. Share the credit.

Place a higher value on team spirit than achievement. When you concentrate on spirit, you gain long-term success.

6. Build team spirit, and encourage inclusiveness .

“It’s a mix of a lot of things, but first and foremost it’s about having faith in your beliefs. You can’t expect others to consider you a leader unless you have solid faith in your ideas. And once it’s there, you build on it by being a good communicator, listening to others, setting examples and by putting your best foot forward and not giving up. Leadership is all about being passionate about what you do, and having confidence in yourself and your followers whom you have to motivate and inspire.”

7. Have Faith in Their Beliefs .

A great leader posses a clear vision, is courageous, has integrity, honesty, humility and clear focus. He or she is a strategic planner and believes in teamwork. Great leaders help people reach their goals, are not afraid to hire people that might be better than them and take pride in the accomplishments of those they help along the way .

8. Articulate a Clear Vision

Great leaders have clarity of purpose and are great at articulating their beliefs. I aspire to be the kind of leader that pushes people to be the very best they can be but still make people feel safe because it starts with the heart.

9. Push People to Be Their Best .

Great leaders make the hard choice, and self-sacrifice in order to enhance the lives of others around them. As a business owner, not only does your family rely on you – so too, do the families of those who work for you. Each employee has a family. Even if you’re a small business owner with four employees, you’re in essence potentially responsible for an additional ten or fifteen people. Being an effective leader requires constant focus, perseverance and building a team that is accountable and designed get results. Without the team there can be no real leadership.

10. Make the Hard Choice .

To become a better leader you must have best qualities . So some of these qualities make you a better leader and also a better human too. 

All business owners and executives have varying experiences and perspectives on the approach and qualities necessary for effective leadership. And not all situations require the same type of leadership style. Great leaders adapt to their surrounding environments and empower the team to succeed together. Many experts across countless leadership books and articles [...]

10 Unique Perspectives On What Makes A Great Leader

When someone is a self-proclaimed realist, or simply pessimistic by nature, decisions are often made considering only one factor: risk.  Faced with a decision, they ask themselves questions such as: <ul><li>What is the worst possible outcome? </li><li>What do I need to protect myself against? </li><li>If this doesn’t go as planned, how will I respond? </li></ul>

Risk-Based Decisions

Aside from the benefits of considering what might be, rather than what might happen, studies have demonstrated that taking an optimistic view provides benefits beyond thinking big. A recent study in ScienceDaily found that optimistic people have less overall stress, and as a result live longer, healthier lives.  The shift from self-proclaimed “realist” to “striving optimist” comes from practicing what I refer to as “flipping the switch.”

Be A Striving Optimist

If you find yourself considering risks, flip the question to something positive. “What’s the worst that can happen?” becomes, “What are the best possible outcomes?”

Flip Your Negative Thoughts

If you are typically pessimistic, your biggest critic will be yourself. For this reason, make sure you share your optimistic questions and initial ideas out loud with others. When we repeat things out loud, we override the little green negative person who is on our shoulder whispering pessimistic views in our ear.

Share Your Optimistic View out Loud

It’s near impossible to be optimistic if you are surrounded by pessimistic people. This said, you can’t always eliminate these people from your life, so instead push back. When someone shares a pessimistic view, get in the habit of challenging their viewpoint. Don’t worry whether you have the answer to their concern; just simply share an opposing, yet positive, view.

Challenge Pessimists and Realists

Like step 3 above, although we can’t always control the people we are around, we can control what we consume. Be aware of what you read, where you travel, or who you choose to spend time with. If we consume negative news or information or spend time with negative people, we in turn will be negative. If you aren’t convinced flipping the switch makes sense for you, then consider the alternative. The world needs more optimism, and you can have an impact.

Minimize Time Spent in Negative Environments

How to become more optimistic

They start off awesome.But the early excitement eventually fades.Flaws/differences emerge. Remind yourself why you got into it in the first place.To be happy!If you still want the relationship, do whatever it takes to make it happy again.

Most Relationships Make You Unhappy

You do not have all the time in the world.Call them.Tell them you love them,Thank them.Spend time with them.

Your parents are going to die, and you have no idea when.

And when they behave like themselves, you feel disappointed, hurt, and resentful.But it's quite possible, they have been that way always.You just expected somebody else!

You are in love with the idea of that person, not that person.

It's far easier to be nice to others and have them like you for it than to meditate on your flaws and find out how much work you still have left to do on yourself!

You please people because you are terrified of facing your true self.

That toxic friend, lover, even job - you hold on to them because you don't trust yourselves to find it again!

You are scared to let go of relationships because you don't know how to make new ones.

They do not know what it is to receive love, so they do not know what it is to love.

You will never be loved by someone who doesn't love themselves.

Because their mind is always giving them reasons of why you will.

Overthinkers will never believe you when you tell them you will never leave.

Your early excitement with a new relationship blinds you to their flaws, which will eventually be realized.

There will always be a gap.Question is - do you continue compensating for it, or realize it's true for the other side as well.

No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to convey the true depth of your love to someone else.

You will never find your better half if you don't think of yourself as a whole!

The best friendships will be made when not trying to seek friendships. They will just happen.It will feel like destiny.

They do not know any better.They need energy from everyone else because they cannot generate it within. These relationships are rarely giving and take.They only take.And you have only so much to give.

Some relationships will only suck energy from you. 

We don't spend time with ourselves.Because we are scared of what we might find. Your thoughts are your biggest strength, biggest enemy, or biggest competition. You decide which role they play.

The most difficult person you will spend time with is you yourself.

The one thing I learned (and agree with) from the book "Courage to be disliked" is that every problem eventually boils down to interpersonal relationships. It is hard-hitting at first to realize this, but the more you meditate on it, the clearer and more obvious it becomes.

They seem easy but are not.They feel permanent but are not.They appear trivial but are not. The more we understand them, the better we get at being happy with ourselves.

Relationships define almost everything in our life.

"Life isn't about making relationships. It is about understanding why we make relationships."

A Twitter thread by Ankur Warikoo about relationships. We often create perceptions of a person and we started loving them. Eventually, flaws can be seen and it feels like this is not the same person we loved.

13 Harsh Truths About Relationships.

Second-order thinking is a tool that you can use for making decisions that are not just beneficial in the short-term but are also nondestructive over a longer period of time.What looks like an investment now might turn out to be a liability later. What looked like a good decision earlier is now a bad one. Second-order thinking is a is a mental tool that will help you examine the long-term consequences of your decisions, thereby helping you make decisions that will stand the test of time.

Second-order Thinking 

You can use second-order thinking in two ways:1. As a purely mental exercise2. You can write it down on paper Consider a decision you have to make.Look at the most immediate (first-order) effects of making the decision. Then for each effect ask yourself: "And then What?"That is how you examine the second-order of your decisions consequences.This exercise can be repeated for as many orders as you find practical.

How To Use It

Alternatively, think about the decision in different timelines. Ask yourself: what will be the consequences of this decision in:1. 5 minutes2. 5 hours3. 5 days4. 5 months5. 5 years This means you get a chance to consider the short-term, medium-term, and long-term consequences.

Alternative

A mental tool for better decision making. 

Consider the long-term consequences of your decisions.

Second-order thinking | Untools

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