<ul><li>Overworking: an attachment to getting as much done as possible.</li><li>Putting things off: an attachment to doing it right or to getting a particular outcome.</li><li>Frustrations with other people: having people behave the way we want them to, or to having them be happy with us.</li><li>Feeling overwhelmed: an attachment to a feeling of order, simplicity, or knowing exactly what to do.</li><li>Addictions to social media: a feeling of comfort, or maybe a feeling of being entertained.</li><li>Clutter: an attachment to possessions for emotional reasons.</li><li>Social anxiety: having people view us a certain way.</li></ul>

Struggles That Stem From Our Attachments

Once we can see the attachment, we can practice with it, and see if we can release the attachment.<ul><li>Breathe. Turn towards the present moment.</li><li>Let yourself feel the emotion associated with the attachment. Just be with it, mindfully, and feel it as a sensation in the body.</li><li>Ask if the attachment is serving you.</li><li>Ask would it could be like without the attachment.</li><li>Joyfully release the attachment like releasing your grip on a balloon … and let it float away! See if you can experience a few moments without the attachment, and see what that’s like. What’s available to you when you are free of the attachment?</li></ul>

A Joyful Letting Go

mindfulness

Mindfulness

The Joy of Letting Go

Do boys wants to be loved? What normal people (Most of the people) answers is "Yes! Of course, they are living beings also. Even boys receive more love than Girls". But it is not that true all the times. You can easily observe people saying that boys are tough. They are bold. They do not want love. All they need is Bravery, Strength...all that. Ask yourself, is that true? It was true when a king wants his son to be next heir. Not today.How will you define a BAD_BOY? A boy who is rude, insults other, don't respect girls...all that. But deep down this boys is BAD because he was not much loved.

What are love issues with boys?

In his childhood, boys don't care about anything. All he want is someone/something to play with. soon after, he can realize that his mother and father will love him and take care of him. But problem starts, when is starts to understand things. For example, if his father brought her daughter a new dress and don't asked for him, he will get upset and starts hating(more specific, dislike) both his father and sister. And it is obvious. It this happens to him for more time, he will think that he is bad or his father don't love him. From here real changes begins that lead him to choose wrong path.

Let's Start from Beginning

You can see some boys are cool and funny around. And some other boys are very rude and Stone-hearted. Why this? Because they are not that much loved. And thus, they accept the way that love has nothing to do. Then in order to fulfil their desire, they starts to involve in wrong doings. This is where a boy forces a girl to satisfy his desire. You know what I'm talking about. And I accept that this is not right. What I want to tell all boys is that they should not do this kind of shameful activity. This will leave a bad spot on manhood. Understand that in ancient times, men were Gentleman.

Why some boys are bad?

When a girl fell in love, she loves it to the core. Same is for boys. I accept that some boys are not open in expressing their love. Some boys are rude toward their girl. And some boys are Z+ bodyguard of their girls. Difference is common cause of nature. You can't avoid it. But what you can control is your love for them. A girl want love and affection from boy and vice-versa. Variation can be seen when a boy approaches a girl. Some are 'Once in a life', other are 'Do as more as you can'. Both have same background. Less loved more bad times. That's why, boy tries to approach by doing shits.

Boy and Girl relationship.

He will either try to become an alpha male or do some non-sense things to get the girl. But his intentions are not bad. He want love from that girl. If she rejects him, then he will start to bother her. Why he is doing this? Read the next idea.

continue...

After marriage(or before) some men tries to suppress their wives either mentally or physically. Why? Because the are not taught how to respect women. It is very Important for man to understand that HE SHOULD RESPECT WOMAN. And this is the responsibility of a father to teach his son. All that boys who suppress their girls are either overprotective or are not taught to respect girls.What to do? Ask their friends/parent/elders to teach them the same. Or do whatever it takes to make them understand that it is sinful activity to disrespect someone.

Why some man tries to Suppress her Wife.

A father is role model for a boy. Because his father has reputation in society and so his boy want. Some fathers are open and express their love, while some are not that open and their boy think that he do not love him. According to a Study, Girls receive more love from father than boy. And this lead to change in behavior of a boy. This boy now feel separated from his father. He starts disrespect his father and ends up with fight. On the other hand,  a father is strict toward his boy because he want him to be in control.What you need to understand is that your boy also wants your attention.

Father - Son relationship.

In India, I live is a society where a boy don't exist if he is not employed. And in a middle class family, boy has much responsibilities to do. You can relate this if you're also a middle class boy. Your parents expects a lot from you. Also your parents are busy in earning a livelihood. Thus they can't spare enough time for you. And you think that you are not loved.What you have to understand that all you have to focus on your academics. Don't focus on any other thing. Your parents loves you more that you think. Make them feel proud to be your parent. Get a job, then see the changes.

A middle Class Boy.

A boy need to understand this world works in a balance. You respect girls, girls will respect you. You love your parent(no matter how hard they are on you), your parent will love you. Love and respect are meant to be earned not purchased. As a boy your responsibility is to be strong enough to gain some reputation in society. I will not write about responsibilities of a boy. You know that stuff. What I want to focus is that no matter how bad people treat you, you must be polite and soft towards other. That will make you GENTLEMEN.

A boy

1. You have to be a son, not a man in front of your parent.2. Your girl is your second half. Respect her, take care of her, don't bother her.3. Rejection is okay. Learn to bear it. Don't bother if she rejected you. Different person have different views for other. Accept it and move on.4. Achieve something in your life. Don't waste your life watching porn or other wrong things.5. Learn to hide you anger. This can save you from many bad situations.6. No matter how physical fir you are. If can't take care of your family, it is useless.7. Be a GENTLEMAN. This is upto you, how you achieve this.

Understand These Things.

In this stash I would like to talk about love issues faced by a boy in society. My intentions are not bad. I'm not comparing boys with girls. At some point you may feel like comparison but it is not. And I accept that for parent both boy and girl are equal. In this stash I am talking about why some boys are rude and are not that accepted. I beg your pardon if any of my view has hurted your feeling.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Love and respect Issues with Boys!!

<ul><li>We struggle with habit change because we have unrealistic expectations of how things will turn out, how others should be, and how we should be.</li><li>When our expectations aren’t met, we feel disappointed, frustrated and sad.</li><li>When we turn from our Mind Movie and embrace reality, we overcome our inner resistance to habit change.</li></ul>

Key Insights

There’s a projector in our minds, and it’s constantly playing a movie about how we’d like things to be, our ideals about the world, our expectations of how things will turn out, how others should be, [and] how we should be.The Mind Movie is what stands in our way of making habit changes. It tells us that changing a habit should be easy and fun, but the reality is that we must wander outside our comfort zone.The Childish Mind is the part of our mind that complains about how things are, that fears discomfort, that just wants pleasure and comfort, that doesn’t want things to be difficult.

The Movie Inside Our Minds

<ul><li>Gratitude is a great antidote to resistance that we can practice each day, including when our Childish Mind eventually starts to rebel against doing the habit.</li><li> Take mistakes in stride, and take the long view that what really matters is not whether you mess up for a day or two, but what you do over weeks and months and years.</li></ul>

Taming The Childish Mind

<ul><li>Consider writing a short journal entry about your reflections, to solidify your learning.</li><li>Treat habit formation as a learning process, as a way to learn about yourself, your mind, mindfulness, resistance and more.</li><li>Gradually the habit becomes your new normal and you can expand a bit more, pushing your comfort zone a little at a time”.</li></ul>Question: “What does the resistance feel like? Is there a way to accept the thing you’re resisting, accept the discomfort, relax into it, and find gratitude for it? What is good about the discomfort?”

Understanding How Habits Are Formed

A key habit skill is learning to flow around the disruptions and just keep going.Notice feelings of discomfort and uncertainty, and stay with them. Get to know them. Get intimate with these feelings.When we experience groundlessness — a feeling of not being anchored, not certain, things not going our way, a feeling of loss — our minds don’t normally like it.One of the most difficult tasks we can give to our Childish Mind is letting go of what it really wants, and accepting life as it is, seeing that it’s already enough

Going With The Flow

<ul><li>A good practice is to not attach to the outcome. Have a good intention for the habit, but don’t worry too much about how it will turn out because you can’t control that”.</li><li> Tell yourself that when you slip and fall, it’s just another lesson that will teach you to be better at change.</li><li>Mistakes means you’re pushing into new ground and exploring something interesting — if you weren’t, you wouldn’t make mistakes.</li><li>See every mistake as an opportunity to learn, a thing that you can get better at, the feedback that’s so crucial for improvement.</li></ul>

Overcoming The Burden Of Making Mistakes

<ul><li>Form new, positive habits at least three times before taking on a quit”.</li><li>The first thing you need to do before you attempt to quit a habit is track it for three days and try to write down every trigger for the habit.</li><li>Each bad habit meets some kind of need, or you wouldn’t be doing the habit.</li><li>For each trigger and need, write down a positive replacement habit that will meet the same need.</li></ul>

Positive Habits Vs Bad Habits

Watch an urge gently, without judgment or wishing the feeling weren’t there. Treat it like a friend, kindly. And see that this feeling is impermanent, just arises but will pass, like a cloud. This is the whole meditation: just watch with curiosity and kindness, not attaching to the feeling or needing to act on it.Tell yourself you can do this, you’re strong, you got this. And be realistic in that things won’t go as planned, but those are learning opportunities. In the long run, you’re going to make it, because you’re worth it.

Handling The Urge

The real question isn’t whether you’ll mess up, but what you’ll do if you do mess up

<ul><li>Pick one new, easy habit you can do once a day</li><li>Don’t start right away</li><li>Create a vow</li><li>Create a space</li><li>Set a trigger & a reminder</li><li>Start with a Minimum Viable Habit</li><li>Focus on enjoying the habit</li><li>Practice mindfulness</li><li>Watch your Mind Movie</li><li>Reflect and journal</li><li>A daily practice</li><li>Increase gradually</li></ul>

How to Create a New Habit

<ul><li>Don’t attempt a quit until several successful new habit changes</li><li>Track your habit</li><li>List your triggers</li><li>List your needs</li><li>Come up with replacement habits</li><li>Use techniques you’ve learned</li><li>Gradual change vs. cold turkey</li><li>Learn to recognize urges as they arise</li><li>Form the right mindset</li><li>When you fail, get back on track and don’t let it derail you</li></ul>

How to Quit a Bad Habit

A guide to overcoming the mind's resistance to change, with a method for forming habits, increasing mindfulness, and dealing with life struggles.

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

habits

Habits

books

Books

Leo Babauta

Essential Zen Habits

Follow these 7 tips to increase your energy and live a happier, healthier, more productive life:And a bonus at the end!

How To Live A Happy Life

according to the 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a balanced diet high in fruits and vegetables, lean protein, low-fat dairy and whole grains is what you need for optimal energy. After all, you really are what you eat to some extent. Consume a variety of foods from all the food groups to get a range of nutrients to energize you throughout the day.

1.Eat Nourishing Food

Getting more sleep seems to be a healthy habit many people need to improve on.Prioritizing sleep is one of the best things you can do to set yourself up for a successful, energized day.

2. Sleep seven to eight hours a night.

Maximize the amount of time that you spend with people you enjoy being around. Connecting with others who radiate positivity and have similar interests will excite and energize you.

3. Keep company with good people.

The news is an important way to stay connected to what's happening in the world. It can be educational, entertaining and even uplifting. Unfortunately, the news too frequently is bombarded with stories of suffering. These stories can skew your view of the world and cause you to focus on your worst fears instead of recognizing the good that surrounds you. You can't avoid these stories altogether, but try to minimize your exposure when you can, especially during trying times.

4. Avoid news overdose.

Exercise relieves stress and tension, strengthens muscles and boosts endurance, which helps your body to work more efficiently during other physical tasks or activities.

5. Get regular exercise.

What do you feel passionate about? Do you have a special talent that you'd like to practice more often or share with others? Do something you enjoy every day, even if it's something as simple as cooking a healthy meal or listening to your favorite song. Putting effort into the things that matter most to you will help you utilize and reserve your energy in ways that will bring out the best in you.

6. Do something meaningful each day.

Maintaining a compassionate mindset is another way to conserve energy. One example of practicing this way of thinking is called kind attention. For example, try to make eye contact with a stranger and smile, while thinking "I wish you well." This positive act can, instead, keep you from judging that person. Judging others can cause us to place judgment on ourselves, and that type of negative internal dialogue can be exhausting.

7. Think good thoughts for others.

Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. Happiness comes from choosing to be happy with whatever you do, strengthening your closest relationships and taking care of yourself physically, financially and emotionally.

Bonus! The Secret Of Happiness Revealed By Harvard Study

Happiness depends upon ourselves!

7 ways to live a happy life! Try to follow it! Small drops make a big ocean! 

How to live a happy life? 7!

Beautiful is better than ugly.

Explicit is better than implicit.

Simple is better than complex.

Complex is better than complicated.

Complex is better than complicated.

Flat is better than nested.

Sparse is better than dense.

Readability counts.

Special cases aren't special enough to break the rules.

Special cases aren't special enough to break the rules.

Although practicality beats purity.

Although practicality beats purity.

Errors should never pass silently.

Errors should never pass silently.

Unless explicitly silenced.

In the face of ambiguity, refuse the temptation to guess.

In the face of ambiguity, refuse the temptation to guess.

There should be one-- and preferably only one --obvious way to do it.

There should be one-- and preferably only one --obvious way to do it.

Although that way may not be obvious at first unless you're Dutch.

Although that way may not be obvious at first unless you're Dutch.

Now is better than never.

Although never is often better than *right* now.

Although never is often better than *right* now.

If the implementation is hard to explain, it's a bad idea.

If the implementation is hard to explain, it's a bad idea.

If the implementation is easy to explain, it may be a good idea.

If the implementation is easy to explain, it may be a good idea.

Namespaces are one honking great idea -- let's do more of those!

Namespaces are one honking great idea -- let's do more of those!

'for Guido to fill in'ORit's an opportunity for people to provide their own addition.https://stackoverflow.com/questions/4504487/the-zen-of-python-distils-the-guiding-principles-for-python-into-20-aphorisms-bu#24814971

20th principle

Long time Pythoneer Tim Peters succinctly channels the BDFL’s guiding principles for Python’s design into 20 aphorisms, only 19 of which have been written down.https://peps.python.org/pep-0020/

import this

philosophy

Philosophy

computerscience

Computer Science

product

Product & Design

The Zen of Python, by Tim Peters

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">There are three things that give life meaning: a project, a significant relationship and a redemptive view of suffering.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If we want true satisfaction in life, we have to rise above the pettiness of our own desires and do what is required of us.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Clarity comes with action.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Discovering your calling is not a destination. It’s more about the trip, the adventure. About the trains, you choose to jump in or not.</li></ul>

Key Takeaways From The Book

We are tempted to blame ourselves for not knowing exactly what we were “programmed” to do in life for a living. It seems that we pass through all the key moments, decisive ones, without paying enough attention to where we fit best.To which field we belong. And we wake up one day asking ourselves:“What do I like the most doing in this life?”At first sight, this question may seem simple. Easy. But the answer is a long-term key to our future’s door.

The Art Of Work: The Premise

We are blaming ourselves for not having already born with a clear calling in our minds.Is the calling just a natural fact that appears suddenly?You don’t ‘just know’ what your calling is. You must listen for clues along the way, discovering what your life can tell you. Awareness comes with practice.

Preparation Of Your Journey

Opportunities to learn and grow are available, if we’re willing to look in the right places and humbly accept what we find.Discovering your calling is not an epiphany but a series of intentional decisions.

Action

To find out which is your calling it takes time. Usually the entire time of your life.Your calling is not a job. It is your entire life.  We look at seven stages to finding your life’s work that serves as a model to us.

The Calling: 7 Stages

Awareness is a sense that something more is possible. Our job is to realize that life is more than what beats the eye and there are clear hints along the path of discovering our true self.It is not an easy road, we have to be willing to step out of the box and see the bigger picture and start acting.

Stage 1: Awareness

In the past, apprenticeship meant working with a mentor for several years and learning the skills from a mentor. Nowadays that situation is completely different and the individual is left by himself to find his calling.Accidental apprenticeships are everywhere you look. You may find it in different stages from your life, and they can help you find your calling, simply by serving as a model, or by giving you an advice at the right place and at the right moment.

Stage 2: Apprenticeship

Practice is significant in our journey because it can teach you what you are and are not meant to do.By practicing you will find what you want to do in life. If you failed at something, it means that you were not meant for that type of activity.

Stage 3: Practice

The journey continues with discovery.“Any great discovery especially that of your life’s work is never a single moment. In fact, epiphany is an evolutionary process; it happens in stages.”In order to discover our vocation, we need to keep in mind that it may take longer than we first assumed. But that does not mean that it will not happen. So be sure to take the hints that life presents and seize every opportunity as if you will not come across it twice.

Stage 4: Discovery

A profession is seen as the result of different tries that we achieve after a long and strenuous practice. It can be considered a form of mastery.True mastery is about greatness, about doing something that pushes the limitations of what others think is possible or even sensible.

Stage 5: Profession

True mastery means greatness and breaking the limitations boundaries of what others think is possible or even sensible.It is relatively easier to attain mastery in something you like doing.

Stage 7: Mastery

What lies at the end of the road is a prize that money can’t buy and a legacy the world won’t forget.These views on work and life itself are quite practical in our daily lives.You have found your own calling if it’s something really familiar to you, you are very good at it, and other people recognize this in you.

Stage 6: Legacy

It's easy to practice when the activity brings joy to us.

A calling is what you have when you look back at your life and make sense of what it’s been trying to teach you all along.

The basic idea of a portfolio life is that instead of thinking of your work as a monolithic activity, what if you chose to see it as the complex group of interests, passions, and activities it is?

A deep dive into what work is and what is should be.

On his thirtieth birthday, Jeff Goins quit his job and began his pursuit of becoming a full-time writer. While certainly that was a milestone day, it was still less significant than the ones that lead to that memorable moment. The journey he took leading up to that daring decision involved twists, turns, and surprises he never expected. In the end, he found his life’s purpose, his calling; and in The Art of Work, he wants to share his journey with you and help you, too, discover your life’s work, along with the invaluable treasure that comes with doing so.As writer, keynote speaker, and award-winning blogger Jeff Goins explains, our search for discovering the task we were born to do begins with passion but does not end there. Only when our interests connect with the needs of the world do we begin living for a larger purpose. Those who experience this intersection experience something exceptional and enviable. Though it is rare, as Jeff discovered along the journey he shares in this one-of-a-kind book, such a life is attainable by anyone brave enough to try. Through personal experience, compelling case studies, and current research on the mysteries of motivation and talent, Jeff shows readers how to find the vocation they were meant for and what to expect during the long, arduous journey to discovering and pursuing it.

career

Career

A USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, AND PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY BESTSELLER!The path to your life's work is difficult and risky, even scary, which is why few finish the journey. This book will help you discover your life’s work to live a life that matters with passion and purpose. It’s about the task you were born to do, your true life’s work.Bestselling author and entrepreneur Jeff Goins explains how the search begins with passion but does not end there. Only when our interests connect with the needs of the world do we begin living for a larger purpose. Those who experience this intersection experience something exceptional and enviable.Though it is rare, such a life is attainable by anyone brave enough to try.Through personal experience, compelling case studies, and current research on the mysteries of motivation and talent, Jeff shows you how to find their vocation and what to expect along the way.In The Art of Work, you’ll learn:<ul><li>The seven stages of calling to discover your life’s work</li><li>How accidental apprenticeships differ from mentoring and why taking action is key</li><li>How believing The Myth of the Leap can prevent you from achieving your dreams</li><li>To live The Portfolio Life and how it can lead to your greatest satisfaction and best work</li></ul>Our hearts crave connection to a meaningful calling. The Art of Work illuminates the proven path for anyone who wants to embrace that calling and build a body of work they can be proud of.

Jeff Goins

The Art of Work

There are many incidents in your life when you expected so much and received an empty box labelled 'HAHA 🤣🤣'. So you are not alone. The Community "EXPECTATORS" is a Non-existing community where people expects too much from life but gets very little. In this stash, I would like to discuss about some ideas on how you maximize your positive outcome. Since these are based on my Life Experience, these could match with your expectations about this Stash, or could not.

Expectations Kills Possibility

You can understand it by calling is another Basic law of Nature. But I thing it is not that simple. What I found is: We know that there are 6 possibilities if I roll a dice. It is finite because a dice can't have more than 6 faces. Now we live in a single universe of multiverse. Thus, there can be infinite possibilities.  So (If you believe in multiverse theory) your another version in another universe has the same expectation and unfortunately his expectation becomes a reality. So whose fault is this? Nature? No. Your? No. It's just a matter of turn. Sometimes you win, sometimes other yous.

How this works?

Well it is 'The Energy Game'. When you expects something, your subconscious mind spread the energy waves and try to make the environment more favorable. You will not believe me at first. But what I found is, the more you try this, the more powerful wave your subconscious mind will produce. You have to keep this practice until you get the result (+ve Result). So you have to expect positive. That's why they say "Always Positive". How will I do this regularly? Tell your inner you to keep this practice carry on. You will have no longer to do it by yourself. But it takes a Hard-Kick-Start at first.

How will it works for me?

This could be a bit tricky for your mind. Because our mind expects what we feed it. A child expects a lot from you when he give you smartphone to install a good decent game from Play Store which he just watched on a YouTube gaming Channel. Thus he expects positive. Thus, it is more likely that he will play the game.This will lead him to keep this practice. In his teenage, he will develop a strong powerful Wave Producing System. And these are the people who are always positive.The reverse Case:You can now easily imagine the other side.He believes that only his Hard work will make him successful

A Case of a Child

Sometime you may have observed that your reverse expectation gave you a positive result. And that is true sometimes. Because you can't be the same all the times. You have to change. A student laptop will not be used for reading articles all the time. A student watches movies sometimes. This is change, and it is necessary for our existence. So when I have to expect negative? When you think that your positivity is failing. And that is a sign of change. Another answer can be : It depends on your situation. If you have practiced positivity many times, your subconscious mind will tell you.

If positive fails, try Negative.

There may be situations when you can't expect anything from life. Like entrance exam result. You passed or you failed. What happened in background? Your previous actions are responsible for now. What you have done previously will be summarized now. If you really did Hard work, you are more likely to pass. Else, you know. This is Why Karama Counts. So please try to be kind and problem solver for all. Not only this will give you inner peace but maximize your positive results also.

Positive Karama = Positive Result

First thing that only you can maximize or minimize your results. If you are polity and honest to your friends, they will support you. You will not have to expect from them. Do hard work instead of shortcut. Smart work will do sometimes. Because hard work has no alternatives. To pass an exam, you have to study(smart or hard, depends on you).Learn some Psychological methods to win other's mind. This can work if you facing Shape-shifters in your life.And MEDITATE. Meditate to become a foreteller. You can use your skills for what you should expect from life.

What else I can do?

I fully agree that expectations hurts when they kills the possibilities. So I will not expect anything from anyone. You can't. Because your mind was fed in a way of expectations. You can force yourself now to not expect , but all you will get is PAIN. So instead of losing hope, try something new. Try to believe people. Try to expects positive. It will be hard and painful for a while, but it can save you from lifetime pain. Because NOTHING IS PERMANENT. Bad-days are days, not years.

Yeah! Expectations hurts

Expectations Kills Possibilities

Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad.

Good Times + - Bad Times

The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but.

Its Not What It Seems

‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’

The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.

Does Rejection Hurt?

The ability to detect ostracism is hardwired in us – it doesn’t matter if you’re being ignored by a group or a person you can’t stand, the pain still registers.The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance.

Iced Out

Paul Schrodt, PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants.Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is ‘tremendously’ damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that’s healthy and meaningful.

The Loudness Of Silence

‘It’s the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship. And it does tremendous damage.’

It doesn’t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the damage to the relationship is the same. It’s the pattern itself that’s the problem, not the specific partner. The silent treatment should not be confused with taking time to cool down after heated or difficult exchange. Williams suggests that instead of reverting to the silent treatment, try ‘I can’t talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later.’

Try This Instead

The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally.

communication

Communication

The Surprising Truth About The Silent Treatment

Emotional things happen at work every day. When faced with overbearing bosses, annoying colleagues, or comments that derail us, it’s not always easy to maintain our calm and composure. But showing poise in the face of difficult situations is an important skill to develop your executive presence. Should you find yourself suddenly set off at work, try one or more of these strategies to regain your calm.

Triggered At Work

When you’re in fight-or-flight mode, your breathing becomes irregular, fast, short, and shallow. Regulating it can be your first line of defense. Lengthen your exhales and focus on breathing from your belly. Inhale for a count of four and exhale for a count of eight. This slows down your heartbeat, stabilizes your blood pressure, and encourages full oxygen exchange, which is critical to the brain’s ability to function.

Take Deep Breaths

Emotional things happen at work every day. When faced with overbearing bosses, annoying colleagues, or comments that derail us, it’s not always easy to maintain our calm and composure. But showing poise in the face of difficult situations is an important skill to develop your executive presence. Should you find yourself suddenly set off at work, try one or more of these strategies to regain your calm Take deep breaths: When you’re in fight-or-flight mode, your breathing becomes irregular, fast, short, and shallow. Regulating it can be your first line of defense. Lengthen your exhales and focus on breathing from your belly. Inhale for a count of four and exhale for a count of eight. This slows down your heartbeat, stabilizes your blood pressure, and encourages full oxygen exchange, which is critical to the brain’s ability to function. Distract yourself: Do something to take the attention away from your strong emotion temporarily. Focus on another sensation in your body, such as the feeling of your weight pressing into your seat, wiggling each toe individually, or lightly rubbing your fingertips together to see if you can feel the ridges of your fingerprints. Use your words: Research shows that putting your feelings into words, or emotional labelling, can quickly reduce their grip on you and lessen your physiological distress. When you feel that emotional rush in a meeting, ask yourself, “What are two or three words that describe how I feel right now?” Don’t forget to process your feelings: After the moment has passed, and when you have more time, process your feelings more fully alone or with someone you trust to determine the relative costs and benefits of expressing them. This will help you decide whether to share them more widely — either with your manager or with the person who triggered you.

How to Quickly Calm Down When You Get Triggered at Work

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It's time to
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