let’s face it, everyone feels at least a little bit good about themselves when they fall in love. But the key to “easy love” lies in the consistency. That over time, you feel better and better about who you are.

When love’s easy, you don’t need constant reassurance about how you look, who you are or the future of the relationship. Most of the time, even when you’re in sweat pants and your skin is a mess from wearing a mask, you don’t even think about it. You like the person you are when you’re with your partner. Which means you like yourself more when you’re not.

Safety is the antidote to insecurity, in every way. Maybe you feel anxious and scared sometimes but your partner is not the cause of it — ever. You feel safe to reveal the full unabashed, unedited, weirdness of who you truly are. You trust them with your most vulnerable self. And they can trust you.

Here’s a massive clue to contentment within a relationship. All couples disagree. Some say they don’t but I feel like they’re a little repressed. Conflict can be healthy but you’re in trouble when every little niggle between you blows into a storm, turns into a cold, stony silence or ends with a slam of the door. In an ideal world, disagreements open your mind to your partner’s perspective; they can help you move forward in healthy ways. Easy relationships are about being able to disagree, apologise when necessary, and move on smoothly. If you can do that, it’s a big win.

You can talk to your partner for hours and you can also not-talk happily — but it’s from choice rather than boredom or — er — dislike. You don’t dread the thought of a six-hour car trip together. You don’t try to avoid couple time. There’s no awkwardness, you just feel relaxed and content.

Code for a relaxed, content vibe between you. You are not tiptoeing around your partner’s moods or hiding behind a curtain waiting for the next bomb to drop. The success of your evenings together does not depend on what mood your partner’s in or what kind of day they’ve had at work. You know who’s coming through the door because they can manage their emotions and, if they’re feeling stressed, they take the easy road — they tell you.

You encourage each other to see friends and have interests beyond your relationship. You want your partner to have a life beyond you — and you feel happy, not stressed and paranoid, when they do.

Because you should.