One has to redirect a heated conversation onto safer ground. Remind your co-workers up front of where they align and the best-case scenario that could result from a difficult conversation. Let them come on the same wavelength by finding common ground.

It’s a tactful way to remind each person of their shared purpose when the conversation gets hard.

Here’s  the dynamic that two business partners, and many other professionals, get stuck in:

“Basically, one person says, ‘Go on the attack,’ and the other person says, ‘Wait, wait, wait. Let’s think it through. Let’s strategize. Let’s see what is feasible to do.’ And then one will tell the other, ’You’re way too impulsive.’ And the other one says, ‘You’re way too slow and way too passive,’”

Once you can see your pattern, you can learn to observe when it’s happening and try to understand what your colleague is actually trying to say behind their hurt feelings.