Based on Radical Candor, you have to start by caring personally:<ul><li>You need to know someone on a personal level, know their dreams, fears, and struggles, as well as what matters to them in life.</li></ul>Knowing what drives a person and their goals give you what you need to address them in a way that will strike a chord. Whatever you’re about to share needs to resonate and align with their personal core values.

Start with caring personally

Easier said than done, but once you do it, you’ll never go back to being a word-mincing mush mouth again.<ul><li>It’s truth time. And it’s starting to feel good.</li><li>There are plenty of reasons to put off the hard talk or telling someone you care about that it’s time to face the music.</li></ul>When you reframe what you’re doing as giving someone the benefit of knowing the truth, rather than calling someone out, it might take the sting out for both parties.

Tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

None of this candor stuff works unless you’re telling the truth. That’s job one. Since the truth can be a bitter pill, we tend to embellish it a little bit, and before you know it, it bears little resemblance to the actual truth.<ul><li>That doesn’t mean that you should zing your words with a poisonous arrow, but rather, make sure they are factual, don’t exaggerate to make a point and be kind about it.</li><li>Being honest when you’re sharing will be appreciated. Sometimes it may take a bit of time, but in the long run, your friend or colleague will see it as the caring act that it was intended to be.</li></ul>

Tell the truth

Compliment sandwiches don’t really work because everyone knows what’s coming after the first bit of praise. However, there is something to be said for finding the good and highlighting it.<ul><li>Compliment, hammer, then reframe the compliment. Ugh.</li><li>It’s important to note is that there is always something good you can point out, even if it’s just the effort or intent. Just because something doesn’t work out or was a flop doesn’t mean everything about it was a fail.</li><li>Find the good and recognize it.</li></ul>

Point out the good

<ol><li>What’s the reason for dropping this truth bomb? Is it to address their career growth, their health, their relationship? You need to be crystal clear & make sure it is at the heart of the conversation.</li><li>Why does it matter to them & why does it matter to you? If you’re telling a hard truth because you’re giving insight that will help them advance in their career, that’s a great reason for them. </li><li>You should also address why it matters to you: In this case, the reason for your candor on your part may be that you’ve set a personal goal to be better at developing others instead of throwing in the tow<warningtag>el</warningtag></li></ol>

Clarify why

The bottom line is that once you begin the practice of being radically candid, it will become your new way to operate. That’s likely to be your nerves at play, so just hang in there and you’ll improve.The more you follow this practice, the more you build that muscle for yourself, but you may also be inspiring others to do the same so they can also become great, candid, communicators.Keep this in mind:<ul><li>It makes sense to address things directly and clearly.</li><li>It’s helpful and honest.</li><li>It’s the right thing to do.</li></ul>

Rinse and repeat (pay it forward)

<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">It can make you a better friend too.</h2><figure><img alt="" src="https://miro.medium.com/max/500/0*bes_kh-85hi" width="692" height="461"><figcaption class="js jt fg fe ff ju jv cg b ej ek bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">Photo by <a class="au jw" href="https://unsplash.com/@thecreative_exchange?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" dir="ltr">The Creative Exchange</a> on <a class="au jw" href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" dir="ltr">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>No one likes to have the hard talk.It’s character-building on steroids, but uncomfortable nonetheless.If you handle it right, it will make you the best leader in a company, and the best friend anyone could have.Tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.Easier said than done, but once you do it, you’ll never go back to being a word-mincing mush mouth again.It’s truth time. And it’s starting to feel good.There are plenty of reasons to put off the hard talk or telling someone you care about that it’s time to face the music.After all, it’s going to hurt them, and not many of us are standing in line to dole out painful retorts.The thing is, when you reframe what you’re doing as giving someone the benefit of knowing the truth, rather than calling someone out, it might take the sting out for both parties.<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Candor-Revised-Kick-Ass-Humanity/dp/B07XVQB7XV" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" dir="ltr">Radical Candor</a> by <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimm4/" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" dir="ltr">Kim Scott </a>has become one of the most useful books in my career.Kim tells a story about when she was a manager at Google, overseeing their AdWords division. She had to give a presentation, which she thought she had nailed. Yet after the talk, her boss Sheryl Sandberg pulled her aside. She praised her for how well the presentation was received, but then added, “You know, when you say ‘um’ every other word, you sound stupid.”Ouch.Kim said that it cured her, and while it stung, she appreciated Sheryl’s honesty and direct approach.While I don’t like the use of the word “stupid”, personally, I appreciate her candor. And that’s the point. Sometimes, you just have to tell it like it is to help someone do better next time.Maybe anything less wouldn’t have made an impact, we’ll never know.The point is, being radically candid is good for the giver and the receiver. If done right, both will grow from it and have developed a life skill that couldn’t have been learned by any amount of beating around the bush or living in a dream world.Here are a few guidelines to follow when you want to start living as someone who will tell people what they need to hear.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Start with caring personally</h2>The premise of everything in Radical Candor is that you have to start by caring personally. In other words, you need to know someone on a personal level, know their dreams, fears, and struggles, as well as what matters to them in life.Knowing what drives a person and their goals give you what you need to address them in a way that will strike a chord.You wouldn’t want to go into how staying later each night will help them be more organized for the next day if what they value most in their life is being able to go home at a given time so they can have dinner with their family at their kitchen table.It needs to matter to them. Whatever you’re about to share needs to resonate and align with their personal core values.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Tell the truth</h2>None of this candor stuff works unless you’re telling the truth. That’s job one. But since the truth can be a bitter pill, we tend to embellish it a little bit, and before you know it, it bears little resemblance to the actual truth.That doesn’t mean that you should zing your words with a poisonous arrow, but rather, make sure they are factual, don’t exaggerate to make a point, and above all, be kind about it.Being honest when you’re sharing will be appreciated. Sometimes it may take a bit of time, but in the long run, your friend or colleague will see it as the caring act that it was intended to be.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Point out the good</h2>Compliment sandwiches don’t really work because everyone knows what’s coming after the first bit of praise. However, there is something to be said for finding the good and highlighting it.It’s the order of things that sometimes convolutes the messaging because the person knows just when the hammer is about to drop. It’s palpable.Compliment, hammer, then reframe the compliment. Ugh.It’s important to note is that there is always something good you can point out, even if it’s just the effort or intent. Just because something doesn’t work out or was a flop doesn’t mean everything about it was a fail.Find the good and recognize it.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Clarify why</h2>What’s the reason for dropping this truth bomb? After all, that matters and you should know the answer. Is it to address their career growth, their health, their relationship? Whatever the reason is, you need to be crystal clear and make sure it is at the heart of the conversation.Why does it matter to them, but also, why does it matter to you?If you’re telling a hard truth because you’re giving insight that will help them advance in their career, that’s a great reason for them. But you should also address why it matters to you.In this case, the reason for your candor on your part may be that you’ve set a personal goal to be better at developing others instead of throwing in the towel.Just be mindful of your own why when doling out the cold, hard, truth. It can help make the conversation more human if you both have something to learn.<h2 data-selectable-paragraph="">Rinse and repeat (pay it forward)</h2>The bottom line is that once you begin the practice of being radically candid, it will become your new way to operate. It can feel a little clunky at first, almost robotic. That’s likely to be your nerves at play, so just hang in there and you’ll improve.The more you follow this practice, the more you build that muscle for yourself, but you may also be inspiring others to do the same so they can also become great, candid, communicators.It’s really a simple concept, just not always easy.Keep this in mind:It makes sense to address things directly and clearly.It’s helpful and honest.It’s the right thing to do.🎉 P.S. More midlife motivation on 🔥 🎧<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/badass-midlife/id1538336883" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" dir="ltr"> The Badass Midlife Podcast</a> 🎧 🔥🎉Hey, my friend! If you like reading stories like this and you’d like to support me, why not sign up for a <a href="https://maryliga.medium.com/membership" rel="noopener" dir="ltr">Medium membership</a>? It’s only $5 a month and you’ll be able to access all the other writers on Medium too! 🙌🏼I’ll earn a small part, but if you’d rather just stay updated when I write a new article, ✅ <a href="https://maryliga.medium.com/subscribe" rel="noopener" dir="ltr">sign up here for my free newsletter</a>.

No one likes to have the hard talk.
If you handle it right, it will make you the best leader in a company, and the best friend anyone could have.

If you handle it right, it will make you the best leader in a company, and the best friend anyone could have. Easier said than done, but once you do it, you’ll never go back to being a word-mincing…

Change your mind

No one likes to have the hard talk.

It’s character-building on steroids, but uncomfortable nonetheless.

If you handle it right, it will make you the best leader in a company, and the best friend anyone could have.

Tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

Easier said than done, but once you do it, you’ll never go back to being a word-mincing mush mouth again.

It’s truth time. And it’s starting to feel good.

There are plenty of reasons to put off the hard talk or telling someone you care about that it’s time to face the music.

After all, it’s going to hurt them, and not many of us are standing in line to dole out painful retorts.

The thing is, when you reframe what you’re doing as giving someone the benefit of knowing the truth , rather than calling someone out , it might take the sting out for both parties.

<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Candor-Revised-Kick-Ass-Humanity/dp/B07XVQB7XV">Radical Candor </a>by <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimm4/">Kim Scott </a>has become one of the most useful books in my career.

Kim tells a story about when she was a manager at Google, overseeing their AdWords division. She had to give a presentation, which she thought she had nailed. Yet after the talk, her boss Sheryl Sandberg pulled her aside. She praised her for how well the presentation was received, but then added, “You know, when you say ‘um’ every other word, you sound stupid.”

Kim said that it cured her, and while it stung, she appreciated Sheryl’s honesty and direct approach.

While I don’t like the use of the word “stupid”, personally, I appreciate her candor. And that’s the point. Sometimes, you just have to tell it like it is to help someone do better next time.

Maybe anything less wouldn’t have made an impact, we’ll never know.

The point is, being radically candid is good for the giver and the receiver. If done right, both will grow from it and have developed a life skill that couldn’t have been learned by any amount of beating around the bush or living in a dream world.

Here are a few guidelines to follow when you want to start living as someone who will tell people what they need to hear.

The premise of everything in Radical Candor is that you have to start by caring personally. In other words, you need to know someone on a personal level, know their dreams, fears, and struggles, as well as what matters to them in life.

Knowing what drives a person and their goals give you what you need to address them in a way that will strike a chord.

You wouldn’t want to go into how staying later each night will help them be more organized for the next day if what they value most in their life is being able to go home at a given time so they can have dinner with their family at their kitchen table.

It needs to matter to them. Whatever you’re about to share needs to resonate and align with their personal core values.

None of this candor stuff works unless you’re telling the truth. That’s job one. But since the truth can be a bitter pill, we tend to embellish it a little bit, and before you know it, it bears little resemblance to the actual truth.

That doesn’t mean that you should zing your words with a poisonous arrow, but rather, make sure they are factual, don’t exaggerate to make a point, and above all, be kind about it.

Being honest when you’re sharing will be appreciated. Sometimes it may take a bit of time, but in the long run, your friend or colleague will see it as the caring act that it was intended to be.

Compliment sandwiches don’t really work because everyone knows what’s coming after the first bit of praise. However, there is something to be said for finding the good and highlighting it.

It’s the order of things that sometimes convolutes the messaging because the person knows just when the hammer is about to drop. It’s palpable.

Compliment, hammer, then reframe the compliment. Ugh.

It’s important to note is that there is always something good you can point out, even if it’s just the effort or intent. Just because something doesn’t work out or was a flop doesn’t mean everything about it was a fail.

Find the good and recognize it.

What’s the reason for dropping this truth bomb? After all, that matters and you should know the answer. Is it to address their career growth, their health, their relationship? Whatever the reason is, you need to be crystal clear and make sure it is at the heart of the conversation.

Why does it matter to them, but also, why does it matter to you?

If you’re telling a hard truth because you’re giving insight that will help them advance in their career, that’s a great reason for them. But you should also address why it matters to you.

In this case, the reason for your candor on your part may be that you’ve set a personal goal to be better at developing others instead of throwing in the towel.

Just be mindful of your own why when doling out the cold, hard, truth. It can help make the conversation more human if you both have something to learn.

The bottom line is that once you begin the practice of being radically candid, it will become your new way to operate. It can feel a little clunky at first, almost robotic. That’s likely to be your nerves at play, so just hang in there and you’ll improve.

The more you follow this practice, the more you build that muscle for yourself, but you may also be inspiring others to do the same so they can also become great, candid, communicators.

It’s really a simple concept, just not always easy.

It makes sense to address things directly and clearly.

It’s helpful and honest.

It’s the right thing to do.

🎉 P.S. More midlife motivation on 🔥 🎧 <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/badass-midlife/id1538336883">The Badass Midlife Podcast </a>🎧 🔥

🎉Hey, my friend! If you like reading stories like this and you’d like to support me, why not sign up for a <a href="https://maryliga.medium.com/membership">Medium membership </a>? It’s only $5 a month and you’ll be able to access all the other writers on Medium too! 🙌🏼

I’ll earn a small part, but if you’d rather just stay updated when I write a new article, ✅ <a href="https://maryliga.medium.com/subscribe">sign up here for my free newsletter </a>.

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

The Best Way to Handle a Difficult Conversation At Work

Start with caring personally

Tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

Tell the truth

Point out the good

Clarify why

Rinse and repeat (pay it forward)

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work

Difficult customer conversation- How to handle them?

How to handle a lopsided friendship

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

The Best Way to Handle a Difficult Conversation At Work

Start with caring personally

Tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

Tell the truth

Point out the good

Clarify why

Rinse and repeat (pay it forward)

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work

Difficult customer conversation- How to handle them?

How to handle a lopsided friendship

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career