The past is never dead. It is not even past.

<ol><li>Comfort with the full range of emotions. Life comes with lots of emotions. In order to live their best version of themselves, people with high EQ accept whatever emotions come up. </li><li>Open-hearted awareness. We can't heal what we don't acknowledge. Avoidance only works short-term, but leaving thoughts and problems unsolved will harm you exponentially long-term. </li><li>Ways to soothe and settle unpleasant emotions. Individuals with high EQ experience disturbing emotions, however, they don't have their mind clouded by them. They have ways to lift their mood without getting locked in endless battles.</li></ol>

Emotional Intelligence Key Components

Reconsolidation means the brain can maintain, strengthen and modify painful memories (already stored in the long-term memory) and their related emotions if we bring all aspects of the memory into full awareness. This principle is utilized by nearly all of the effective treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder.For example, if someone tells his/her story to a respectful and compassionate witness, the compassion and respect emotions will replace the shame one, previously stuck in the painful memory.

The Healing Principle

When we experience intense, excessive emotions without knowing their exact source, they most probably come from disturbing unsettled memories. An innocent remark taken as criticism can be triggered by a memory of being shamed by a critical parent in childhood.Assuming one recalls a recent memory, the steps for this strategy are: <ul><li>Comforting awareness: "This is a moment of suffering"</li><li>Acknowledging that everyone suffers: "Suffering is a part of life"</li><li>Soothing and settling the memory and emotions: "I may give myself the compassion I need"</li></ul>

The Floatback Strategy for Disturbing Events

Detailed instructions for the Floatback Strategy can be helpful, but if at any point this strategy, or any other self-managed strategy, becomes overwhelming, the strategy is put aside. Overwhelming reactions to the past may signal the need to enlist the aid of a skilled trauma therapist, who can teach many other ways to process troubling memories from childhood. The good news is that if one way is not effective, there are many other effective strategies to try so that one becomes confident in coping with difficult emotions. One need not suffer for decades without relief.

Caution and Hope

<h3>Key points</h3><UL><LI>The hidden wounds from adverse childhood experiences often fuel emotional overreactions in the present. </LI><LI>Emotional intelligence soothes and settles both present overreactions and the underlying disturbances from childhood that still “run our show." </LI><LI>If one strategy is not effective, there are many others that can help people become confident in coping with difficult emotions. </LI></UL><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/adverse-childhood-experiences" title="Psychology Today looks at Adverse childhood experiences" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">Adverse childhood experiences</a> (ACEs) often leave hidden wounds that negatively affect adults if unhealed. <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/emotional-intelligence" title="Psychology Today looks at Emotional intelligence" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">Emotional intelligence</a> greatly facilitates the healing process.<img alt="Source: Motortion/iStock Photos" height="384" src="https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/sites/default/files/styles/image-article_inline_full_caption/public/field_blog_entry_images/2022-05/motortion.istockphoto-1088258178-612x612_0.jpg?itok=8j9ris6_" title="Source: Motortion/iStock Photos" width="684"><div>Source: Motortion/iStock Photos</div><h3>What Is Emotional Intelligence?</h3>Emotional <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/intelligence" title="Psychology Today looks at intelligence" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">intelligence</a> (EQ) includes three key components:1. Comfort with the full range of emotions. All emotions are part of life. Individuals with EQ accept and are on friendly terms with whatever emotions come up—thinking, as <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/mindfulness" title="Psychology Today looks at mindfulness" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">mindfulness</a> teaches, “Whatever I feel is OK—let me feel it.”<div dir="ltr">
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 </div>2. Open-hearted awareness. We can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. Avoidance takes a great amount of energy and leaves disturbing emotions and memories unchanged.3. Ways to soothe and settle unpleasant emotions. Individuals with EQ do experience disturbing emotions. However, they tend to get down less often, are less upset by unpleasant emotions, and have ways to lift their mood without getting locked in endless, exhausting battles against disturbing emotions and memories.<h3>The Healing Principle</h3>Reconsolidation means the brain can change painful memories and their related emotions if we bring all aspects of the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/memory" title="Psychology Today looks at memory" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">memory</a> into full awareness. This principle is utilized by nearly all of the effective treatments for post-<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/trauma" title="Psychology Today looks at traumatic" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">traumatic</a> <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/stress" title="Psychology Today looks at stress" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">stress</a> disorder. For example, if one tells one’s story to a respectful, compassionate witness, now respect and compassion begin to replace the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/embarrassment" title="Psychology Today looks at shame" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">shame</a> that is stuck in the painful memory. If one learns to calm stress arousal as one recounts a difficult experience, then calmness begins to replace dysregulated stress arousal.<h3>The Floatback Strategy for Disturbing Events</h3>Most of us have experienced recent situations that elicited intense, excessive emotions and we (or others near us) wonder, “Where in the world did that come from?” Usually, it comes from disturbing memories from the past that are not settled. For example, an innocent remark is taken as criticism and we blow up in <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anger" title="Psychology Today looks at anger" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">anger</a>. The remark triggered a <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/child-development" title="Psychology Today looks at childhood" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">childhood</a> memory of being shamed by a critical parent.The floatback strategy, developed by William Zangwill and Cindy Browning (1999) and popularized by EMDR originator Dr. Francine Shapiro (2012), is one way to soothe and settle the disturbing memories and emotions from both the recent event and the distant childhood event that drives the intense reactions in the present. <div dir="ltr">
 article continues after advertisement
 </div>Utilizing the principle of reconsolidation, a person recalls the various aspects of a recent upsetting event. Without judgment and with kind curiosity, the individual notices:<UL><LI>What was sensed externally—what was seen and heard (such as angry or critical vocal tones, the scowling or disgusted facial expression of the offending person, the individual's posture and outward appearance), tactile sensations, and so forth. </LI><LI>Visceral sensations—locating what was experienced in the body and where, such as a racing heart, gut queasiness, or tightness in the throat or chest. </LI><LI>Emotions—such as anger, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/fear" title="Psychology Today looks at fear" hreflang="en" dir="ltr">fear</a>, or shame. </LI><LI>Thoughts—such as “This is awful; I can’t handle this.”</LI></UL>The individual then settles and soothes the recent memory and associated reactions. Self-compassion (Neff 2011) is one effective way, where one repeats silently or aloud:<UL><LI>“This is a moment of suffering” [comforting awareness].</LI><LI>“Suffering is a part of life” [accepting even unpleasant emotions; acknowledging that everyone suffers—you are not alone].</LI><LI>“May I bring compassion to this moment; may I give myself the compassion I need” [soothing and settling the memory and emotions; weaving loving kindness into what was before only disturbance]. </LI></UL>Taking their time, individuals bring compassion especially to the parts of the body that hold the disturbance, such as the gut, the chest, the throat, or head. Then they track what’s going on—perhaps noticing subtle shifts in breathing, heart rate, tension, emotions, images, or thoughts.Then individuals float back to the earliest time they can recall that elicited similar reactions and soothe and settle that memory in a similar way. <div dir="ltr">
 article continues after advertisement
 </div>A similar floatback strategy starts by identifying a disturbing thought that the individual would like to change, and then traces back to the earliest time when that thought was first experienced. Both the recent and distant experiences are soothed and settled, and the disturbing thought is replaced.<h3 dir="ltr">
 <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/babies/202203/parenting-caregiver-aces-and-the-ongoing-pandemic" rel="bookmark" dir="ltr">Parenting, Caregiver ACEs, and the Ongoing Pandemic</a>
 </h3>After doing the floatback strategy, individuals often report feeling more whole—more connected to themselves, their bodies, and their emotions—as compassion replaces the troubling emotions and sensations associated with the disturbing experiences. With practice, they become more skilled at responding to suffering in a kinder way.<h3>Caution and Hope</h3>Detailed instructions for the floatback strategy can be helpful (Schiraldi, 2021). If at any point this strategy, or any other self-managed strategy, becomes overwhelming, the strategy is put aside. Overwhelming reactions to the past may signal the need to enlist the aid of a skilled trauma therapist, who can teach many other ways to process troubling memories from childhood. The good news is that if one way is not effective, there are many other effective strategies to try so that one becomes confident in coping with difficult emotions. One need not suffer for decades without relief. <div dir="ltr">
 article continues after advertisement
 </div>To find a therapist, please visit the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists" dir="ltr">Psychology Today Therapy Directory</a>. ReferencesSchiraldi, G. R. (2021). The Adverse Childhood Experiences Recovery Workbook. Oakland, CA: New HarbingeBrewing, C. (1999). Floatback and float forward: Techniques for linking past, present and future. EMDRIA Newsletter 4: 12-13. Shapiro, F. (2012). Getting past your past: Take control of your life with self-help techniques from EMDR therapy. New York: Rodale.Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. New York: William Morrow. <div data-hide-large-count-items="true"><button type="button" data-show-large-count-items="true" dir="ltr">
 
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I strongly believe in mental healing through science and specialized therapists, not only motivational talks. 

“The past is never gone. It is not even past.” –William Faulkner

<ul><li>The hidden wounds from adverse childhood experiences often fuel emotional overreactions in the present. </li><li>Emotional intelligence soothes and settles both present overreactions and the underlying disturbances from childhood that still “run our show." </li><li>If one strategy is not effective, there are many others that can help people become confident in coping with difficult emotions. </li> </ul>

<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/adverse-childhood-experiences">Adverse childhood experiences </a>(ACEs) often leave hidden wounds that negatively affect adults if unhealed. <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/emotional-intelligence">Emotional intelligence </a>greatly facilitates the healing process.

Emotional <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/intelligence">intelligence </a>(EQ) includes three key components:

1. Comfort with the full range of emotions. All emotions are part of life. Individuals with EQ accept and are on friendly terms with whatever emotions come up—thinking, as <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/mindfulness">mindfulness </a>teaches, “Whatever I feel is OK—let me feel it.”

2. Open-hearted awareness. We can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. Avoidance takes a great amount of energy and leaves disturbing emotions and memories unchanged.

3. Ways to soothe and settle unpleasant emotions. Individuals with EQ do experience disturbing emotions. However, they tend to get down less often, are less upset by unpleasant emotions, and have ways to lift their mood without getting locked in endless, exhausting battles against disturbing emotions and memories.

Reconsolidation means the brain can change painful memories and their related emotions if we bring all aspects of the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/memory">memory </a>into full awareness. This principle is utilized by nearly all of the effective treatments for post-<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/trauma">traumatic </a><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/stress">stress </a>disorder. For example, if one tells one’s story to a respectful, compassionate witness, now respect and compassion begin to replace the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/embarrassment">shame </a>that is stuck in the painful memory. If one learns to calm stress arousal as one recounts a difficult experience, then calmness begins to replace dysregulated stress arousal.

Most of us have experienced recent situations that elicited intense, excessive emotions and we (or others near us) wonder, “Where in the world did that come from?” Usually, it comes from disturbing memories from the past that are not settled. For example, an innocent remark is taken as criticism and we blow up in <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anger">anger </a>. The remark triggered a <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/child-development">childhood </a>memory of being shamed by a critical parent.

The floatback strategy, developed by William Zangwill and Cindy Browning (1999) and popularized by EMDR originator Dr. Francine Shapiro (2012), is one way to soothe and settle the disturbing memories and emotions from both the recent event and the distant childhood event that drives the intense reactions in the present.

Utilizing the principle of reconsolidation, a person recalls the various aspects of a recent upsetting event. Without judgment and with kind curiosity, the individual notices:

<ul><li>What was sensed externally—what was seen and heard (such as angry or critical vocal tones, the scowling or disgusted facial expression of the offending person, the individual's posture and outward appearance), tactile sensations, and so forth. </li><li>Visceral sensations—locating what was experienced in the body and where, such as a racing heart, gut queasiness, or tightness in the throat or chest. </li><li>Emotions—such as anger, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/fear">fear </a>, or shame. </li><li>Thoughts—such as “This is awful; I can’t handle this.” </li> </ul>

The individual then settles and soothes the recent memory and associated reactions. Self-compassion (Neff 2011) is one effective way, where one repeats silently or aloud:

<ul><li>“This is a moment of suffering” [comforting awareness]. </li><li>“Suffering is a part of life” [accepting even unpleasant emotions; acknowledging that everyone suffers—you are not alone]. </li><li>“May I bring compassion to this moment; may I give myself the compassion I need” [soothing and settling the memory and emotions; weaving loving kindness into what was before only disturbance]. </li> </ul>

Taking their time, individuals bring compassion especially to the parts of the body that hold the disturbance, such as the gut, the chest, the throat, or head. Then they track what’s going on—perhaps noticing subtle shifts in breathing, heart rate, tension, emotions, images, or thoughts.

Then individuals float back to the earliest time they can recall that elicited similar reactions and soothe and settle that memory in a similar way.

A similar floatback strategy starts by identifying a disturbing thought that the individual would like to change, and then traces back to the earliest time when that thought was first experienced. Both the recent and distant experiences are soothed and settled, and the disturbing thought is replaced.

Parenting, Caregiver ACEs, and the Ongoing Pandemic

After doing the floatback strategy, individuals often report feeling more whole—more connected to themselves, their bodies, and their emotions—as compassion replaces the troubling emotions and sensations associated with the disturbing experiences. With practice, they become more skilled at responding to suffering in a kinder way.

Detailed instructions for the floatback strategy can be helpful (Schiraldi, 2021). If at any point this strategy, or any other self-managed strategy, becomes overwhelming, the strategy is put aside. Overwhelming reactions to the past may signal the need to enlist the aid of a skilled trauma therapist, who can teach many other ways to process troubling memories from childhood. The good news is that if one way is not effective, there are many other effective strategies to try so that one becomes confident in coping with difficult emotions. One need not suffer for decades without relief.

To find a therapist, please visit the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists">Psychology Today Therapy Directory </a>.

Schiraldi, G. R. (2021). The Adverse Childhood Experiences Recovery Workbook . Oakland, CA: New Harbinge

Brewing, C. (1999). Floatback and float forward: Techniques for linking past, present and future. EMDRIA Newsletter 4 : 12-13.

Shapiro, F. (2012). Getting past your past: Take control of your life with self-help techniques from EMDR therapy . New York: Rodale.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. New York: William Morrow.

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Emotional Intelligence and Healing Hidden Wounds

WILLIAM FAULKNER

Emotional Intelligence Key Components

The Healing Principle

The Floatback Strategy for Disturbing Events

Caution and Hope

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Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Emotional Intelligence and Healing Hidden Wounds

WILLIAM FAULKNER

Emotional Intelligence Key Components

The Healing Principle

The Floatback Strategy for Disturbing Events

Caution and Hope

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART): Description, Benefits, Effectiveness - The Human Condition

Bilateral Stimulation: Definition, Methods, Benefits, and Effectiveness - The Human Condition

How too much mindfulness can spike anxiety

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career