How to Be More Curious When Meeting New People

When it comes to meeting new people, consider curiosity to be your secret weapon. Especially for those more formulaic, more introverted, or more methodical in your interactions, curiosity is the holy grail of rapport-building techniques.

But curiosity is not always innate. It’s a skill which can be practiced. It can be broken down into certain techniques. Use these in conversations and admire the delight you bring to a new person.

• Excitement is curiosity’s very close cousin. Your excitement shows intrigue. It shows enthusiasm for the other person.
• To show excitement with your words, use positive language. Say words like, “wow,” or “amazing.”
• Use phrases like, “that’s incredible” or “no way, that’s awesome.”
• And most importantly, say these with a smile on your face.

• There is no denying the connecting power of body language. When it comes to curiosity, there are certain techniques which demonstrate a desire to learn more.
• First, practice leaning in closer. Move slightly nearer to the edge of your seat. Shift your body forward, especially your upper body.
• Nod your head emphatically and rhythmically. Notice the parts of their story when you should nod in agreement quickly or the times when slow spaced out nods are necessary.
• Practice a tilt of the head as well when puzzled.

As a curious person, you want to use a blend of open and closed-ended questions. But, open-ended questions are where the additional curiosity really comes in. They create the opportunity to use positive language and curious body language to further express your interest.

Try to ask more questions starting with why or how as opposed to what, where or when.

The natural flow of conversation will 99% of the time result in the other person asking you a question. Don’t panic! There’s no need to answer a question with a question. You don’t have to dismiss their question altogether in an effort to solely be curious about them and reveal nothing about yourself.

Instead, include them in your responses.

By weaving them into your responses, you allow for them to jump in and expand on what you’re saying. You’re talking about them after all! This technique takes a lot of active listening and practice, so be patient with it.

It’s always best to be prepared. When interacting with new people, you’ll hit conversational lulls. There will be times when you genuinely do not feel curious. That’s okay. When in doubt, use your go-to phrases.

“Tell me more.”

“Go on.”

“I’d be interested in learning more about that.”

“What’s that like?”

• Even if we don’t intend to be, if we’re not curious then we’re coming from a place of judgment. We are inferring that we already know or lack the interest in learning more.
• If you’re not curious, you miss the big picture. And this can have negative consequences.
• Ask more questions. Use positive language. Show curiosity with your body.
• The more curious you can be with someone, the more likely you’ll have more conversations in the future.