9 Tips For Adult Children Of Alcoholic Parents Who Want To Help | BetterHelp

ACoAs may be quick to make choices or react to a situation without considering the consequences or legitimately thinking through other options. 

You may have experienced repeated inconsistent behavior as a child of an alcoholic, which can often lead you to have trouble following through with your commitments at work and in personal relationships. ACoAs often over-commit because they may feel a need to care for everyone around them. 

ACoAs generally don’t deal well with change. Rather than taking the time to identify and process the emotions elicited by a shift in circumstances, many display extreme overactions that serve no purpose.

After growing up with an alcoholic, many adults feel different from others with a healthier upbringing. They tend to isolate themselves because they may have trouble functioning with others or be upset when they don’t receive special treatment and allowances for dysfunctional behavior. 

Difficulties establishing and maintaining positive interactions with others often pose many challenges in romantic relationships for ACoAs. They may stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships or experience extreme emotional ups and downs with their partner.

ACoAs may have trouble identifying and accepting the role their own choices play in their various situations and the current state of their lives and relationships. They frequently blame others for the consequences they face and also show difficulties in acknowledging their mistakes.

Many adult children of alcoholics are unfamiliar with the socially acceptable reaction to situations because that behavior typically wasn’t modeled for them as children. Their instinctual response may be to lie, omit, or exaggerate, even when the truth isn’t problematic and would be an acceptable answer.

ACoAs are often heavily judgmental of themselves and the people around them. This behavior can make it hard to feel content in their lives and relationships.

The opinions of other people may carry significant weight with ACoAs. They often desire and actively seek the approval of others and have a tough time accepting criticism, to the point of villainizing the other person or ending the conversation altogether.

Despite first-hand evidence of the harm alcohol and substance use can do to the user and their loved ones, ACoAs are predisposed to develop their own troubles. Researchers credit this to a potential combination of genetics, a history of environments with heavy substance use problems, starting young, or lacking practical coping skills to manage stress.

Several mental health conditions have been shared among ACoAs. Mental health professionals often recommend cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help overcome lingering harmful mental and emotional habits and patterns.

• PTSD
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Emotional Dysregulation
• Substance Use Disorder
• Alcohol Use Disorder

You may have felt powerless to help your parent with their addiction as a child and want to support them now, or perhaps they developed an alcohol use disorder later in life. Knowing how to approach a parent about addiction can be challenging, but mental health experts offer tips to outline some potential routes.