The Impact of Assertiveness

When we act assertively, we don’t withhold our opinions or minimize our feelings; instead, we make a conscious decision to share them in a way that is conducive to peace and harmony. We strive to express our needs clearly without making the other person “lose” so we can “win.” When we feel stressed, frustrated, or angry, it’s natural to want to react, blame, and make the other person suffer. On some level, we hope that, through punishment, we will teach the other person a “lesson” that will be strong enough that they will never again do what they did that hurt us.

However, aggression is a poor motivator. Attempting to control another person might seem like a win-lose scenario, but it is ultimately a lose-lose. It doesn’t work. It is through influence, not aggression or control, that we arrive at win-win solutions. This kind of mindful behavior promotes peace, harmony, and unity; it supports integrity and justice.

Lack of assertive behavior refers to difficulty or hesitation in expressing one's opinions, needs, or desires in a clear, confident, and respectful manner. People who struggle with assertiveness might find themselves avoiding conflicts, going along with others' wishes even when they disagree, or having difficulty standing up for themselves. They may also experience criticism, anxiety, and passivity. In extreme cases, they may be like “emotional doormats” and may completely lose sight of what they want in life.

Some of the few reasons why individuals might exhibit a lack of assertive behavior include low self-esteem, fear of conflict, desire for approval, lack of communication skills, cultural influences, anxiety, past negative experiences, and limited self-awareness.

To some degree, we all need to influence others, which makes assertiveness a key communication skill for everyone. When we practice assertiveness, we strive to establish healthy boundaries and take personal responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and actions. But, as with many important things in life, it can be hard to move from theory to practice. Learning assertiveness skills is the key.

Assertiveness is empowering. It manifests itself in healthy communication and behavior. It aligns our position with the person we aspire to be. When we employ assertiveness elegantly, we give power not only to ourselves but also to the people we interact with, and this promotes a win-win environment. We dramatically enhance our well-being, increase value, and influence others to gain positive results.