Prince Rahul's Key Ideas from Captivate
by Vanessa Van Edwards

• As humans, we are constantly looking for winners. Winner: n. Victor; a person likely to be successful.
• Winners typically take up as much space as physically possible.
• Bottom Line: Stand like a winner. Look like a winner. Interact like a winner.

• Your typical “hello,” “hi,” and “hey” get terrible reply rates in direct messages. “Howdy,” “hola,” and even “yo” rank better. The best greetings, “how’s it going” and “what’s up,” ask a question—even if they are slangy and informal, they do the trick. They ignite some kind of spark.
• Unique questions, unexpected stories, and uncommon occurrences keep us alert in conversation. In other words, being different wakes people up.

• “People are attracted to others who are similar to themselves.” 
• Without realizing it, we are constantly searching for reasons to think, feel, or say, “Me too!” 
• Don’t fall into the “Not me!” trap; instead, find a way to say “Me too!”
• Find and follow threads of similarity to be more socially attractive.
• Every time you offer help, support, and advice, you create a deeper bond with someone and a permanent similarity.

There were five different ways people tended to express love,

1. Words of Affirmation: People with this love language express their care through spoken or written word—love letters, texts, and verbal expressions of love.

2. Gifts: People with this love language express their care through small gifts or tokens of appreciation—jewelry, candy, or flowers.

3. Physical Touch: People with this love language express their care through touch—hugs, cuddles, pats on the back, loving embraces.

4. Acts of Service: People with this love language express their care by doing things for others—cooking their spouse dinner, running errands, or crafting something for them.

5. Quality Time: People with this love language express their care with their time. They want to simply be in the presence of the people they care about.

• To get people motivated, give them ownership.
• Humans are purpose-driven creatures. We want to believe there are reasons behind everything we do. Before leaders can inspire action, they have to get emotional buy-in.
• Always use the word “because” when asking for something. “Because” implies purpose. Whether you are pitching yourself, trying to get a date, or convincing a friend to choose your favorite restaurant for dinner, you always want to have your why at the ready.

• Secrets are about releasing a vulnerability. When we share them—even with strangers—we get relief. We feel less alone.
• The secrets act as a catalyst for turning strangers into fast friends.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for advice, share a vulnerability, or admit a weakness—they bond you to people.
• Mistakes humanize us. We all make mistakes, and we like people who are like us.
• The Ben Franklin Effect: When someone does a kindness for you, they are more likely to like you. 

Asking for advice softly admits a vulnerability. When you ask for advice, you are admitting a gap in knowledge or a need for help in an authentic, non-scary way. Asking for advice gets people talking. Remember how much people like to talk about themselves?

• As humans, we so desperately want to be known. We want to feel like people get us, like we have someone on our side, like a group wants to have us as a member. Making people feel this way is called attunement—and it is one of the most underutilized social skills.
• Attunement turn people on by making them feel wanted, liked, and known. We are often so wrapped up in our own thoughts, schedules, and agendas that we forget to tune into other people’s feelings, needs, and values.

• The most likable students also liked the most other people.
• We are more inclined to enjoy being with people who visibly enjoy being with us.
• In social psychology, this is called the reciprocity effect. We also feel the need to give back the kind of treatment we receive. So if someone smiles at us, we smile back. If someone asks us questions, we feel the need to ask questions back. If someone shares a vulnerability, we feel the need to share a vulnerability back.