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Recognize the Three Conversations
1. What Happened Conversation: Focuses on what actually occurred, often involving disagreements about facts and interpretations.
2. Feelings Conversation: Addresses the emotions involved, which are often hidden but critical to understanding the full picture.
3.Identity Conversation: Concerns how the situation affects your self-image, self-esteem, and personal identity
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Shift to a Learning Stance
- Approach the conversation with curiosity and a desire to understand the other person’s perspective.
- Avoid assuming you have all the facts or that your interpretation is the only correct one.
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Explore Each Other's Stories
- Understand that each person has their own story or perspective on the situation.
- Share your perspective and invite the other person to share theirs.
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Express Feelings Appropriately
- Acknowledge and articulate your own emotions without blame.
- Create a safe space for the other person to express their feelings as well.
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Reframe Blame to Contribution
- Move away from assigning blame and instead focus on how each person may have contributed to the situation.
- Understanding contributions can lead to solutions and prevent defensiveness.
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Map the Contribution System
- Identify how both parties' actions, decisions, and behaviors contributed to the current situation.
- Look at patterns and dynamics rather than isolated incidents.
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Disentangle Intent from Impact
- Recognize that the impact of actions can differ from the intent behind them.
- Discuss both the intent and the impact to clarify misunderstandings.
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Acknowledge the Other Person's Feelings and Needs
- Show empathy and validate the other person’s feelings.
- Address underlying needs and concerns to find common ground.
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Prepare for the Conversation
- Reflect on your own feelings and contributions before entering the conversation.
- Consider the best time and setting for a productive discussion.
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Maintain an Open Dialogue
- Keep the lines of communication open even after the initial conversation.
- Be willing to revisit the discussion as needed to ensure a lasting resolution.
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CURATOR'S NOTE
It's is a comprehensive guide on navigating challenging conversations. Here are the key takeaways in pointers:
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