ONE SIMPLE HABIT to improve any relationship ❤️

There are three ways to respond to a bid for connection: turning towards, turning away, or turning against.

For example, if someone says, “Look at those flowers,” turning towards would be responding with, “Wow, they’re beautiful!”

Turning away might look like not commenting at all or giving a half-hearted response.

Turning against, on the other hand, involves rejecting the bid with a negative or dismissive remark.

These reactions deeply affect the quality and strength of a relationship.

Studies have shown that couples who turn towards each other’s bids for connection most of the time have stronger, more lasting relationships.

For instance, couples who stayed married were found to turn towards each other’s bids 86% of the time, while those who divorced only did so 33% of the time.

This highlights that responsiveness nurtures relationships, while dismissiveness can harm them. Paying attention to these small moments can make a big difference in keeping a relationship healthy.

Interestingly, turning away from bids can be more harmful than turning against them. It feeds into social isolation and sends a subtle yet harmful message of indifference, which can make someone feel unseen and undervalued.

Often, missed bids aren’t due to a lack of care but rather distraction or preoccupation. Recognizing and responding to bids is key to avoiding this silent killer of relationships and ensuring that both partners feel valued and connected.

One helpful practice is to label bids for connection when they happen.

For example, if it seems like a bid is being ignored or rejected, simply saying, “Hey, I’m making a bid for connection,” can bring attention to it.

This simple act can snap the other person out of their distraction and remind them of the opportunity to connect. It’s a small but powerful way to stay engaged and strengthen the relationship.

When someone shares something personal, like saying, “I’ve had a tough day,” it’s easy to respond with a superficial comment like, “Oh, that sucks, I’m sorry.”

But taking the conversation a bit deeper, like asking, “I’m sorry you had a bad day. What happened?” can make a significant difference.

This kind of deeper engagement helps strengthen the connection and shows genuine care and interest.

Sometimes, it’s not possible to immediately turn towards a bid for connection. However, acknowledging the bid and asking to discuss it later is still a positive response.

For example, saying, “I’m busy right now, can we talk in a few minutes?” shows that the bid is recognized and that the person is valued, even if the conversation needs to be postponed.

It’s about being mindful and ensuring that the other person feels seen and heard.

No one catches every bid for connection, and that’s okay. What matters is consistently making an effort.

The secret to strong, healthy relationships isn’t in grand gestures but in mastering the art of these tiny moments.

It’s the small, often overlooked ways that people turn towards each other that truly make a difference. Being mindful of these opportunities to connect can help maintain and strengthen relationships over time.