YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! How to listen using skills therapists use

There's a tricky sweet spot to find because not enough eye contact can be invalidating (think of a time you were telling a story and no one was listening), but TOO much eye contact can be overwhelming and can create shame.

From Geldard et al., 2016: Basic Personal Counselling: A training manual for counsellors

In therapy, therapists use a skill called paraphrasing to condense a story into a sentence (like a blurb for a book) for a few reasons:

- To better help the client reflect

- To help organise thoughts

- To show the client they have been heard

- To allow the client to correct any misunderstandings

But good paraphrasing is never just regurgitating what you've heard using the same words, it's finding the underlying issue and using your own words. This helps the person not only feel heard, but understood.

From Geldard et al., 2016: Basic Personal Counselling: A training manual for counsellors

The science shows that non-verbal behaviours can connect therapists and clients and build a close relationship as well as decrease malpractice complaints. This shows the importance of active listening with the body.

"Trunk lean" can also be used to show interest and make people feel engaged. Trunk lean is moving your body forward, not sitting back.

From Dowell & Berman, 2013: Therapists Non-verbal Behaviour and Perceptions of Empathy, Alliance, and Treatment Credibility