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Your Romantic Ideals Don’t Predict Who Your Future Partner Will Be
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Research On Our Partner Preferences
Our own partner preferences may not be fully understood by us.
- An organic study on peoples dating and partner choice indicated that one’s preferences, ideals and priorities towards their partners are a poor predictor of their eventual long-term partner.
- Another study that used surveys and statistical modelling to find connections in the personalities, romantic attractions and the quality of relationship found out that the preferences of the partners correlated with their own, as most people looked for similarities. The data set that computed the final long term choice found that partners with similar traits and personality dimensions do not ‘flock’ together for long.
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Real Life Vs Dream Life
People may not be communicating well about what they want in their partners or may have a lack of awareness, or even a myopic view of their life. Experiencing it for themselves is a better bet to find out what works.
The dreamy idols that make up our early stages of attractions, especially at a young age, do not translate into someone one can spend the entire life with, where mundane activities like picking up groceries and taking care of the kids take precedence over being handsome or inspiring.
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Responding To Urgency
Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know&n...
Dealing Constructively With Control
Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally.
Parenting Each Other
As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available.
Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked.
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Unresolved conflicts
The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.
Being honest
The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.
It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.
Being willing to end it
Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture.
Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
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Relationship Apocalypse
The Four Horsemen of The Relationship Apocalypse:
- Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
- Defensiveness: res...
Building "Love Maps"
It means getting to know your partner really well, including his/her internal psychological world.
Ask questions, deep and personal ones. Get past“When will you be there?” or “Don’t forget to pick up milk.”
Show Admiration
Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner.
Masters see their partners as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are.