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If you don’t know how someone feels, let them know that you haven’t been there before, but you’ll try to put yourself in their shoes to help as best you can.
Also, don’t be afraid to let them know you don’t have anything to say. You can still be an ear, take some time to think about it, and then share your thoughts later.
It can feel gratifying to figure out what seems like the answer and then deliver it in a sermon.
It can come off as superiority. Instead, try, “I don’t have all the answers, but I’d love to help you figure out what’s right for you.” Whenever you’ve talked for a few minutes, bring it back to them. “What are your thoughts about that?”
Your friend doesn’t just want tips to switch careers; she wants support in making a scary but positive change.
It doesn’t matter so much that you have all the answers. More often than not, people know what’s right for them; they just want to feel validated and supported.
Even if you’ve been there before, you can’t guarantee any specific outcome. Your friend could approach her boss exactly like you did for a raise and end up being demoted—at which point she might blame you.
Keep expectations realistic by focusing on possibilities within the realm of uncertainty. Weigh the possible outcomes, both positive and negative.
When you make the proactive decision to find answers for yourself, you feel both empowered and confident in your ability to make the right decision.
You can help your friend feel that way by pointing him in the direction of a few books that will help him help himself. Start by saying, “I came across something that might help put things in perspective…”
Be there with kindness instead of words. This is a good approach if you’ve already offered advice on the problem, and realize not much you say will help.
Leave a hand-written “thinking of you” card in that person’s mailbox or mail them a package with some sweet treats and light reads.
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This underscores the importance of starting on the right foot. If you upset the person you’re trying to help, they’ll wall themselves off.
It's important to use empath...
To get someone to act on your advice, it’s going to mean giving up at least some of the credit for it.
When the person receiving your advice feels like they had a hand in creating it—with guidance from you, the expert, of course—they’re far more likely to act on it.
In this case, you’re showing your work because it instills trust, and trust is critical for acceptance.
When you show you work, the person you’re advising doesn’t have to take your recommendations on blind faith. They can see exactly how you got to your advice and buy into it along the way.
It happens when one rushes to provide advice, which is most likely to be discarded or ignored, even if the person was asked for it.
Even with good intentions, providing advice isn’...
When someone mentions a problem, it most likely isn’t the core problem but only an outward symptom.
Even if by some miracle one is able to find out the real problem, it does not mean that the advice doled out will be useful or will be implemented.
Most people are ignorant of their ignorance and live in a self-created bubble of superficial knowledge, which they believe is the only true knowledge there is, due to a cognitive bias known as the Dunning-Kruger effect.
A piece of straightforward advice doled out to be followed to the tee, is often due to lack of knowledge, rather than because of it.
The former makes people feel better with themselves and that you are more grateful when compared to the latter.
If you have to remind someone that they owe you one, chances are they don’t feel as if they do. Reminding them that they owe you a favor both makes the other person feel as if you’re trying to control them and it makes the other person feel as if you’re keeping a scorecard, and that’s fundamentally bad for relationships.