What we desire, we may not really enjoy. The more you deprive people of something they want, the more they'll desire it, but if they do eventually get it, they'll value it less.
The concept of desire and enjoyment is receiving support from modern neuroscience. The two processes involve different circuits in the brain; dopamine is better understood as a desire-chemical and can be triggered in the near-total absence of pleasure.

Desire  is separate from enjoyment

Being aware of the distinction between desire and enjoyment can be empowering. Next time you feel the urge to check your phone or eat a meal rich in sugar and fat, you may remember that you might not enjoy it as much as you predict. 
Desire needs to be understood as a not-useful guide to an enjoyable life.

Don't follow after desire

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<img alt="Illustration of ice-cream and three faces, two licking lips and one scowling" src="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/88c83d3581f5451e53e283bc5a56a5b82d8ec597/0_18_1453_873/master/1453.jpg?width=300&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=db01012cebea485940983f44c68dc30e" width="700" height="421">
</picture><figcaption dir="auto"> ‘The ancient idea that what we desire isn’t necessarily what we enjoy has received support from modern neuroscience.’ Illustration: Michele Marconi/The Guardian</figcaption></figure>As anyone who counts a three-year-old among their acquaintances will know, there’s a fiery purity to the will of a small child that’s difficult to oppose. Once my son has figured out that there’s ice-cream in the freezer, and decided he wants some for dessert, my role is equivalent to that of the ineffectual UN diplomat attempting to persuade a major nation-state to stockpile fewer weapons: good luck with that. Yet frequently, on receiving the ice‑cream, he’ll decide to let it melt before consuming it – then forget about it completely. He wants ice cream, monomaniacally, with a force his little frame almost can’t contain. But he doesn’t like it so very much that some other absorbing activity can’t banish it from his mind.I only clearly grasped this distinction – and realised how it applies to me, too – when I encountered the findings of a study of coffee drinkers reported <a href="https://digest.bps.org.uk/2020/06/22/heavy-coffee-drinkers-want-coffee-a-lot-more-than-they-actually-like-it/" title="" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">on the Research Digest blog</a>. Using various psychological tests, researchers showed that “heavy” drinkers (those consuming three or more cups per day) had a much greater desire for coffee than those who consumed less of it, or none. But they took roughly the same, far lower level of pleasure as light drinkers when it actually came to drinking it. More serious addictions – to alcohol, or hard drugs – are characterised by a similar <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/spotlight/issue-69" title="" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">split between wanting and liking</a>: you want the substance more and more, but like it less and less. And <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20424032/" title="" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">it’s been demonstrated</a> that if you deprive people of a prize they want, they’ll desire it more; yet if they do then eventually acquire it, they’ll value it less.The ancient idea that what we desire isn’t necessarily what we enjoy has received support from modern neuroscience, which indicates that the two processes involve <a href="https://www.1843magazine.com/content/features/wanting-versus-liking" title="" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">distinct circuits</a> in the brain; dopamine, the so-called “pleasure chemical”, is probably better understood as a desire chemical, which can be triggered in huge quantities in the near-total absence of pleasure. (The mismatch is clearest, for me, with social media: seconds after succumbing to the desire to log on to Twitter, I realise, once again, that I won’t be having any fun there.)This makes evolutionary sense, too. From your genes’ point of view, it’s helpful that things like sex, or eating a meal rich in sugar and fat, should be pleasurable – but what’s really crucial is that they’re alluring. It’s much more important that you should want them, than that you enjoy them once they arrive.<img src="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/c4280399a9bbb6376c0dcf69d92e5762593f851a/0_19_1453_872/master/1453.jpg?width=460&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=8be342a26b34d4517052f3d5b62f5b86" width="130" height="78">Just bearing this distinction in mind, as you trundle through the day, can be surprisingly empowering: there’s at least a chance you’ll remember, next time you’re gripped by the urge to check your phone, or have a second cocktail, or say something mean, that you might not enjoy it as much as you predict. It’s not that desire needs to be squelched, as some more joyless interpretations of Buddhism or stoicism might have it. It just needs to be understood as a not-useful guide to an enjoyable life. Wisely or not, I’ve also found myself surrendering to the three-year-old’s demands (even) more often. That way, wants arise and move through him, like a passing storm, and soon enough we’re back to enjoying ourselves. It’s a lot easier than trying to fight the weather.<h2>Read this</h2>In <a href="https://guardianbookshop.com/how-pleasure-works-9780099548768.html" title="" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">How Pleasure Works</a> (2011) the psychologist Paul Bloom shows how even our strangest modern desires have their roots in our ancient survival needs.<h2>
 America faces an epic choice ...
 </h2>... in the coming months, and the results will define the country for a generation. These are perilous times. Over the last four years, much of what the Guardian holds dear has been threatened – democracy, civility, truth. The country is at a crossroads. The Supreme Court hangs in the balance – and with it, the future of abortion and voting rights, healthcare, climate policy and much more. Science is in a battle with conjecture and instinct to determine policy in the middle of a pandemic. At the same time, the US is reckoning with centuries of racial injustice – as the White House stokes division along racial lines. At a time like this, an independent news organization that fights for truth and holds power to account is not just optional. It is essential. Like many news organizations, the Guardian has been significantly impacted by the pandemic. We rely to an ever greater extent on our readers, both for the moral force to continue doing journalism at a time like this and for the financial strength to facilitate that reporting.We believe every one of us deserves equal access to fact-based news and analysis. We’ve decided to keep Guardian journalism free for all readers, regardless of where they live or what they can afford to pay. This is made possible thanks to the support we receive from readers across America in all 50 states.As our business model comes under even greater pressure, we’d love your help so that we can carry on our essential work. If you can, support the Guardian from as little as $1 – and it only takes a minute. Thank you.

Next time you have the urge to check your phone, or have a second cocktail, remember you might not enjoy it as much as you think

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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A s anyone who counts a three-year-old among their acquaintances will know, there’s a fiery purity to the will of a small child that’s difficult to oppose. Once my son has figured out that there’s ice-cream in the freezer, and decided he wants some for dessert, my role is equivalent to that of the ineffectual UN diplomat attempting to persuade a major nation-state to stockpile fewer weapons: good luck with that. Yet frequently, on receiving the ice‑cream, he’ll decide to let it melt before consuming it – then forget about it completely. He wants ice cream, monomaniacally, with a force his little frame almost can’t contain. But he doesn’t like it so very much that some other absorbing activity can’t banish it from his mind.

I only clearly grasped this distinction – and realised how it applies to me, too – when I encountered the findings of a study of coffee drinkers reported <a href="https://digest.bps.org.uk/2020/06/22/heavy-coffee-drinkers-want-coffee-a-lot-more-than-they-actually-like-it/">on the Research Digest blog </a>. Using various psychological tests, researchers showed that “heavy” drinkers (those consuming three or more cups per day) had a much greater desire for coffee than those who consumed less of it, or none. But they took roughly the same, far lower level of pleasure as light drinkers when it actually came to drinking it. More serious addictions – to alcohol, or hard drugs – are characterised by a similar <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/spotlight/issue-69">split between wanting and liking </a>: you want the substance more and more, but like it less and less. And <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20424032/">it’s been demonstrated </a>that if you deprive people of a prize they want, they’ll desire it more; yet if they do then eventually acquire it, they’ll value it less.

The ancient idea that what we desire isn’t necessarily what we enjoy has received support from modern neuroscience, which indicates that the two processes involve <a href="https://www.1843magazine.com/content/features/wanting-versus-liking">distinct circuits </a>in the brain; dopamine, the so-called “pleasure chemical”, is probably better understood as a desire chemical, which can be triggered in huge quantities in the near-total absence of pleasure. (The mismatch is clearest, for me, with social media: seconds after succumbing to the desire to log on to Twitter, I realise, once again, that I won’t be having any fun there.)

This makes evolutionary sense, too. From your genes’ point of view, it’s helpful that things like sex, or eating a meal rich in sugar and fat, should be pleasurable – but what’s really crucial is that they’re alluring. It’s much more important that you should want them, than that you enjoy them once they arrive.

Just bearing this distinction in mind, as you trundle through the day, can be surprisingly empowering: there’s at least a chance you’ll remember, next time you’re gripped by the urge to check your phone, or have a second cocktail, or say something mean, that you might not enjoy it as much as you predict. It’s not that desire needs to be squelched, as some more joyless interpretations of Buddhism or stoicism might have it. It just needs to be understood as a not-useful guide to an enjoyable life. Wisely or not, I’ve also found myself surrendering to the three-year-old’s demands (even) more often. That way, wants arise and move through him, like a passing storm, and soon enough we’re back to enjoying ourselves. It’s a lot easier than trying to fight the weather.

In <a href="https://guardianbookshop.com/how-pleasure-works-9780099548768.html">How Pleasure Works </a>(2011) the psychologist Paul Bloom shows how even our strangest modern desires have their roots in our ancient survival needs.

... in the coming months, and the results will define the country for a generation. These are perilous times. Over the last four years, much of what the Guardian holds dear has been threatened – democracy, civility, truth.

The country is at a crossroads. The Supreme Court hangs in the balance – and with it, the future of abortion and voting rights, healthcare, climate policy and much more. Science is in a battle with conjecture and instinct to determine policy in the middle of a pandemic. At the same time, the US is reckoning with centuries of racial injustice – as the White House stokes division along racial lines. At a time like this, an independent news organization that fights for truth and holds power to account is not just optional. It is essential.

Like many news organizations, the Guardian has been significantly impacted by the pandemic. We rely to an ever greater extent on our readers, both for the moral force to continue doing journalism at a time like this and for the financial strength to facilitate that reporting.

We believe every one of us deserves equal access to fact-based news and analysis. We’ve decided to keep Guardian journalism free for all readers, regardless of where they live or what they can afford to pay. This is made possible thanks to the support we receive from readers across America in all 50 states.

As our business model comes under even greater pressure, we’d love your help so that we can carry on our essential work. If you can, support the Guardian from as little as $1 – and it only takes a minute. Thank you.

Do you want it – or do you need it? Here's how you know

Desire is separate from enjoyment

Don't follow after desire

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