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Why Playing the Blame Game in Your Relationship Doesn’t Work - Mindful

https://www.mindful.org/why-playing-the-blame-game-in-your-relationship-doesnt-work/

mindful.org

Why Playing the Blame Game in Your Relationship Doesn’t Work - Mindful
It can be difficult to resist the urge to blame. Nate Klemp and Kaley Klemp offer ways to shift from blame to accountability when emotions are running high.

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The Blame Game

The Blame Game

Whenever something doesn't go as we planned it, we often look for something or someone to put the blame. It's our primal instinct and it's a habit that can make us difficult to deal with.

There are many reasons as to why we "play" the blame game. It could either be because it's easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility or because it's an excellent defense mechanism.

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How to stop blaming your partner when things go wrong

There are two ways to change this habit:

  1. Keep in mind that what your partner does is not personal (so don't take it that way) and more often than not, things just don't go according to plan.
  2. Instead of pushing blame towards your partner, make it an opportunity to let them take accountability by communicating your raw emotional experience. This sounds like "I felt ...., when you did... ."

The key is to notice this instinct and then shift blame by remembering the steps above.

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When everything makes you cry

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Types Of People Who Blame

  • People who can always find something else to blame.
  • People who blame themselves for everything, even when they’ve had nothing to do with an unfortunate outcome.
  • People who blam...

Why People Blame Themselves

This isn’t just false modesty or fishing for reassurance; some people do believe that they cause every bad thing all or most of the time.

Blaming yourself when something goes wrong might, relates to a general tendency to make internal attributions for failure in which you see yourself as inept, foolish, or irresponsible. That tendency might motivate you to attribute your successes to external factors, such as fate, chance or luck, as well. 

Blame And Consequence

Theoretically, anyone who intentionally practices an immoral act is culpable regardless of the consequences. But in most cases, people sign up for what is called “moral luck”.

Moral luck is the belief that you should hold someone to blame only if the action causes harm to others, not for their intent, and according to it, those whose actions bring harm are more culpable.

Manage your feelings when in a relationship

Anger and frustration can result in great harm when expressed. When you experience these feelings towards your partner, try to calm down before starting a quarrel, which would only just injure your...

A balanced relationship is a happy relationship

As you most probably know, making sure there is balance at every level in your relationship will only strengthen your connection with your better half. Therefore, take all the necessary steps to ensure that whenever one of you has a bad day, the other one is there to cheer him or her up.

Efficient communication within a relationship

Whenever you feel like asking something to your partner, try saying it in a polite and affectionate way, avoiding reproaches while making sure that you set the direction of your relationship up for success.