<ul><li>A mentor is someone who knows more than you or has vast experiences from which you can learn. </li><li>Many people wait to formally confer the title "mentor" before they begin a relationship.</li></ul>In reality, this connection doesn't require a purity test to confirm the mentor/mentee arrangement. Advisory relationships work best when they happen naturally, and fail when forced. Forget the labels and absorb wisdom from brilliant people in whatever form it comes.

Self Improvement

" Mentor " is not a relationship category

Too many people end up disappointed when they realize their mentor has limits. Even the strongest relationships have boundaries. But just because a mentor doesn't want to take on risk, or circumnavigate the ninth circle of hell with you, doesn't invalidate the relationship.

Your mentor is not your ride-or-die

A mentor should have knowledge to share, advice on certain experiences, personal stories relevant to yours, or ways of thinking that can influence your decision-making and problem-solving. But rarely will a mentor be your confidante, emotional support system, knowledge base, brainstorm partner, and guidance counselor all at once. "It is important for the mentee to prioritize discussing tactical and tangible issues the mentor can help solve."

Your mentor cannot address all aspects of life

Unless your mentor is a supervisor or someone senior in your organization, the expectation that he/she will make introductions and open doors is a romantic, but misguided, one. Instead, mentors prefer empowering their mentees to carve out their own opportunities.

Creating opportunities for you is not your mentor's job

You are not worthy of mentorship just because you decide so. Mentorship is a two-way street, and a mentor wants to grow with her mentee. A mentor needs to gain something from the interaction, whether it's a vicarious experience of exciting new projects.A great mentor won't be interested in allocating time and energy to a protégé who doesn't promise a fun ride ahead.

A mentor will not deliver for you until you prove worthy

<figure><img src="https://i.insider.com/5e8b6f1bd5873a5b0860afbd?width=700" srcset="https://i.insider.com/5e8b6f1bd5873a5b0860afbd?width=320&amp;format=jpeg&amp;auto=webp 320w, https://i.insider.com/5e8b6f1bd5873a5b0860afbd?width=480&amp;format=jpeg&amp;auto=webp 480w, https://i.insider.com/5e8b6f1bd5873a5b0860afbd?width=640&amp;format=jpeg&amp;auto=webp 640w, https://i.insider.com/5e8b6f1bd5873a5b0860afbd?width=960&amp;format=jpeg&amp;auto=webp 960w, https://i.insider.com/5e8b6f1bd5873a5b0860afbd?width=1260&amp;format=jpeg&amp;auto=webp 1260w, https://i.insider.com/5e8b6f1bd5873a5b0860afbd?width=1920&amp;format=jpeg&amp;auto=webp 1920w" alt="networking business woman event meeting" width="763" height="508"><figcaption dir="auto">Let go of the "ride-or-die" mentor mentality and learn to find your own opportunities. </figcaption></figure><UL><LI>Finding the right mentor can feel like an impossible task, but Marina Glazman, a two-time founder and entrepreneur, says you might be looking for the wrong things.</LI><LI>The "ride-or-die" mentor is a romanticized version of what a mentorship relationship should be — in reality, they can't be your emotional support system as you navigate life.</LI><LI>Instead, she recommends directly approaching your mentor with tangible issues they can actually help to solve, and using their guidance to pave your own opportunities.&nbsp;</LI></UL>Finding a mentor, and building a successful relationship with them, can be frustrating for people searching for someone to provide guidance, offer wisdom, open doors, and course-correct them when they veer off track.This frustration is compounded by the common, but off-kilter expectations of finding a "<a href="https://www.mitchalbom.com/books/tuesdays-with-morrie/" rel="noopener nofollow" data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="20" dir="ltr">Tuesdays with Morrie</a>"-style relationship. But the romanticized ride-or-die mentor model is not always reality. My entrepreneurial years have seen me through a range of mentorship relationships; some great and some disappointing. One thing I've learned is that the first step to successful mentorship is checking your own expectations.<figure><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' viewBox='0 0 1 1'%3E%3C/svg%3E" alt="Marina Glazman_Profile Pic_Headshot" width="267" height="267"><figcaption dir="auto">Marina Glazman. </figcaption></figure>As a two-time founder, I've now been on&nbsp;both&nbsp;sides of the mentor/mentee dynamic, and have found that a handful of common misconceptions often guide would-be mentees in their search for a guru. When you stop looking for what you&nbsp;think&nbsp;a mentor should look like, however, you're more likely to find what you need.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">1.&nbsp;"Mentor" is not a relationship category</h1>A mentor is someone who knows more than you or has vast experiences from which you can learn. Many people wait to formally confer the title "mentor" before they begin a relationship.In reality, this connection doesn't require a purity test to confirm the mentor/mentee arrangement. Advisory relationships work best when they happen naturally, and fail when forced. Forget the labels and absorb wisdom from brilliant people in whatever form it comes.<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/karina-castagna-8615461/" rel="noopener nofollow" data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="40" dir="ltr">Karina Castagna</a>, an executive at Amgen, a Board President of the Healthcare Women's Association and Board member at Ventura County Food Share, has mentored dozens of women. She says the mentees who benefit most aren't as concerned about "defining" the relationship — which puts pressure on the mentor.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">2.&nbsp;Your mentor is not your ride-or-die</h1>Too many people end up disappointed when they realize their mentor has limits. A long-time mentor of mine encouraged me for years to start a business, saying he'd love to help if I ever did. When I launched my company in 2015, I asked him to serve as an advisor and/or investor, and he (graciously and promptly) excused himself from both scenarios.Even the strongest relationships have boundaries. But just because a mentor doesn't want to take on risk, or circumnavigate the ninth circle of hell with you, doesn't invalidate the relationship. Mine shared valuable advice and insight into the world of prestigious MBA programs and companies that I would not have had access to on my own. They're still rooting for you — just, from the stands.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">3.&nbsp;Your mentor cannot address all aspects of life</h1>A mentor should have knowledge to share, advice on certain experiences, personal stories relevant to yours, or ways of thinking that can influence your decision-making and problem-solving. But rarely will a mentor be your confidante, emotional support system, knowledge base, brainstorm partner, and guidance counselor all at once. For the relationship to be a success, you need to choose one.Castagna says that building a personal friendship can enrich a mentorship dynamic. But, she clarified, "It is important for the mentee to prioritize discussing tactical and tangible issues the mentor can help solve. Inviting their mentor to a birthday party may feel less daunting to some people than making a professional ask, but I prefer the direct approach as it allows me to create the most value for my mentees."<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">4.&nbsp;Creating opportunities for you is not your mentor's job</h1>Unless your mentor is a supervisor or someone senior in your organization, the expectation that she will make introductions and open doors is a romantic, but misguided, one. Instead, mentors prefer empowering their mentees to carve out their own opportunities.Stephanie Gay, a vice president at change management, learning, and development firm <a href="https://www.intellezyconsulting.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="80" dir="ltr">Intellezy</a>, recalls a consulting mentee who requested an introduction to an industry executive. Gay knew her mentee did not yet have the confidence to impress this exec in the 30 seconds she'd be given."Instead of making an introduction right away for a single shot that probably wouldn't go well, I instructed my mentee on effective outreach, positioning her strengths in emails, and finding common ground with a target contact so that she could get herself in the door," she said. "She mastered these skills and lined up a half-dozen meetings for herself — way more than any mentor could have done for her."Occasionally, a mentor will provide access to their contacts, but in the meantime, take their guidance and try learning to fish. Chances are, as soon as you learn and don't need the intro anymore, that's when it might just be forthcoming.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">5.&nbsp;A mentor will not deliver for you until you prove worthy</h1>You are not worthy of mentorship just because you decide so. Mentorship is a two-way street, and a mentor wants to grow with her mentee. A mentor needs to gain something from the interaction, whether it's a vicarious experience of exciting new projects, the fulfillment of developing a new leader, or the gratification of redeploying knowledge and experience in a new way.A great mentor won't be interested in allocating time and energy to a protégé who doesn't promise a fun ride ahead. As Sheryl Sandberg&nbsp;<a href="https://leanin.org/tips/mentorship" rel="noopener nofollow" data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="100" dir="ltr">suggested</a>: "Shift your thinking from 'if I get a mentor, I will excel' to 'if I excel, I will get a mentor.'"Marina Glazman is a 2x entrepreneur, and the founder/CEO of Suitely — a startup named to IAB's 250 Most Disruptive Consumer Businesses for 2020. She also chairs the LA chapter of Wharton Alumnae Founders and Funders. Marina writes about organizational strategy, teams, and culture. Connect via Twitter @marinaglazman or at <a href="https://go.shztrk.com/r/e/BNwoAHNj6nZInk7Wr?r=http://www.glazzie.com" data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="100" dir="ltr">www.glazzie.com</a>

You should approach them with tangible issues they can help solve, but don't rely on them to make decisions for you.

My published ideas

<ul><li>Finding the right mentor can feel like an impossible task, but Marina Glazman, a two-time founder and entrepreneur, says you might be looking for the wrong things. </li><li>The "ride-or-die" mentor is a romanticized version of what a mentorship relationship should be — in reality, they can't be your emotional support system as you navigate life. </li><li>Instead, she recommends directly approaching your mentor with tangible issues they can actually help to solve, and using their guidance to pave your own opportunities.  </li> </ul>

Finding a mentor, and building a successful relationship with them, can be frustrating for people searching for someone to provide guidance, offer wisdom, open doors, and course-correct them when they veer off track.

This frustration is compounded by the common, but off-kilter expectations of finding a "<a data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="20" dir="ltr" href="https://www.mitchalbom.com/books/tuesdays-with-morrie/" rel="noopener nofollow">Tuesdays with Morrie </a>"-style relationship. But the romanticized ride-or-die mentor model is not always reality. My entrepreneurial years have seen me through a range of mentorship relationships; some great and some disappointing. One thing I've learned is that the first step to successful mentorship is checking your own expectations.

As a two-time founder, I've now been on both  sides of the mentor/mentee dynamic, and have found that a handful of common misconceptions often guide would-be mentees in their search for a guru. When you stop looking for what you think  a mentor should look like, however, you're more likely to find what you need.

1.  "Mentor" is not a relationship category

A mentor is someone who knows more than you or has vast experiences from which you can learn. Many people wait to formally confer the title "mentor" before they begin a relationship.

In reality, this connection doesn't require a purity test to confirm the mentor/mentee arrangement. Advisory relationships work best when they happen naturally, and fail when forced. Forget the labels and absorb wisdom from brilliant people in whatever form it comes.

<a data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="40" dir="ltr" href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/karina-castagna-8615461/" rel="noopener nofollow">Karina Castagna </a>, an executive at Amgen, a Board President of the Healthcare Women's Association and Board member at Ventura County Food Share, has mentored dozens of women. She says the mentees who benefit most aren't as concerned about "defining" the relationship — which puts pressure on the mentor.

2.    Your mentor is not your ride-or-die

Too many people end up disappointed when they realize their mentor has limits. A long-time mentor of mine encouraged me for years to start a business, saying he'd love to help if I ever did. When I launched my company in 2015, I asked him to serve as an advisor and/or investor, and he (graciously and promptly) excused himself from both scenarios.

Even the strongest relationships have boundaries. But just because a mentor doesn't want to take on risk, or circumnavigate the ninth circle of hell with you, doesn't invalidate the relationship. Mine shared valuable advice and insight into the world of prestigious MBA programs and companies that I would not have had access to on my own. They're still rooting for you — just, from the stands.

3.    Your mentor cannot address all aspects of life

A mentor should have knowledge to share, advice on certain experiences, personal stories relevant to yours, or ways of thinking that can influence your decision-making and problem-solving. But rarely will a mentor be your confidante, emotional support system, knowledge base, brainstorm partner, and guidance counselor all at once. For the relationship to be a success, you need to choose one.

Castagna says that building a personal friendship can enrich a mentorship dynamic. But, she clarified, "It is important for the mentee to prioritize discussing tactical and tangible issues the mentor can help solve. Inviting their mentor to a birthday party may feel less daunting to some people than making a professional ask, but I prefer the direct approach as it allows me to create the most value for my mentees."

4.    Creating opportunities for you is not your mentor's job

Unless your mentor is a supervisor or someone senior in your organization, the expectation that she will make introductions and open doors is a romantic, but misguided, one. Instead, mentors prefer empowering their mentees to carve out their own opportunities.

Stephanie Gay, a vice president at change management, learning, and development firm <a data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="80" dir="ltr" href="https://www.intellezyconsulting.com/" rel="noopener nofollow">Intellezy </a>, recalls a consulting mentee who requested an introduction to an industry executive. Gay knew her mentee did not yet have the confidence to impress this exec in the 30 seconds she'd be given.

"Instead of making an introduction right away for a single shot that probably wouldn't go well, I instructed my mentee on effective outreach, positioning her strengths in emails, and finding common ground with a target contact so that she could get herself in the door," she said. "She mastered these skills and lined up a half-dozen meetings for herself — way more than any mentor could have done for her."

Occasionally, a mentor will provide access to their contacts, but in the meantime, take their guidance and try learning to fish. Chances are, as soon as you learn and don't need the intro anymore, that's when it might just be forthcoming.

5.    A mentor will not deliver for you until you prove worthy

You are not worthy of mentorship just because you decide so. Mentorship is a two-way street, and a mentor wants to grow with her mentee. A mentor needs to gain something from the interaction, whether it's a vicarious experience of exciting new projects, the fulfillment of developing a new leader, or the gratification of redeploying knowledge and experience in a new way.

A great mentor won't be interested in allocating time and energy to a protégé who doesn't promise a fun ride ahead. As Sheryl Sandberg <a data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="100" dir="ltr" href="https://leanin.org/tips/mentorship" rel="noopener nofollow">suggested </a>: "Shift your thinking from 'if I get a mentor, I will excel' to 'if I excel, I will get a mentor.'"

Marina Glazman is a 2x entrepreneur, and the founder/CEO of Suitely — a startup named to IAB's 250 Most Disruptive Consumer Businesses for 2020. She also chairs the LA chapter of Wharton Alumnae Founders and Funders. Marina writes about organizational strategy, teams, and culture. Connect via Twitter @marinaglazman or at <a data-analytics-module="body_link" data-analytics-post-depth="100" dir="ltr" href="https://go.shztrk.com/r/e/BNwoAHNj6nZInk7Wr?r=http://www.glazzie.com">www.glazzie.com </a>

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

5 things you should stop expecting from your professional mentor

" Mentor " is not a relationship category

Your mentor is not your ride-or-die

Your mentor cannot address all aspects of life

Creating opportunities for you is not your mentor's job

A mentor will not deliver for you until you prove worthy

IDEAS ABOUT

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Is your mentor a good match? Ask yourself these 3 questions

Are you mentorable?

How to mentor and support other women - and help them succeed

It's time to

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A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

5 things you should stop expecting from your professional mentor

" Mentor " is not a relationship category

Your mentor is not your ride-or-die

Your mentor cannot address all aspects of life

Creating opportunities for you is not your mentor's job

A mentor will not deliver for you until you prove worthy

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

Is your mentor a good match? Ask yourself these 3 questions

Are you mentorable?

How to mentor and support other women - and help them succeed

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career