12 Tips for Handling Difficult Conversations

Reflect on your attitude toward the situation and the person involved, as it will predetermine your reaction and interpretations. It pays to approach such a conversation with the right mindset, one of inquiry.

Be open to hear others first before reaching closure in your mind. Even if the evidence is so clear that there is no reason to beat around the bush. A good leader remains open and seeks a greater truth in any situation.

A leader has to understand and manage the emotions in a discussion striving to respect and preserve people’s dignity. This is important to avoid escalation of negative emotions.

In some cases, you may have to respond to a person's tears. Some strategies for that include acknowledging the tears, offering the person a tissue to provide an opportunity to gather their thoughts, and recognizing that the tears communicate a problem to be addressed.

Don't rush to fill the occasional silences with words. Pauses in the conversation allows us to hear what was said and lets the message sink in.

A pause also has a calming effect and can help us connect better. Talking too much or thinking while you're speaking can be perceived as steamrolling or overbearing.

Leaders with high emotional intelligence are mindful to limit collateral damage to relationships. Bridges between people are hard to build but easy to break.

Think about how the conversation can fix the situation, without erecting an irreparable wall between you and the person.

Ensure that your objective is fair and that you are using a consistent approach. Nothing erodes a relationship faster than perceived inequality.

Distant leaders are more trustworthy because people don't have to second-guess their stand on issues such as culture, corporate values and acceptable behaviors.

Conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Managing conflict effectively is a vital leadership skill. 

Have a few, proven phrases to use in crucial spots.

The best way to handle thwarting ploys, such as stonewalling, sarcasm and accusing is to address the ploy openly and sincerely. Disarm the ploy by labeling the observed behavior.

Calling people into your office shifts the balance of power too much on your side. Simple body language, such as leaning forward toward the person rather than back on your chair, can signal positive intentions.

Consider holding the meeting in a neutral place such as a meeting room where you can sit adjacent to each other without the desk as a barrier.

The best way to start is with a direct approach. Tell them you would like to talk  and the subject.

Being upfront is the authentic and respectful approach. Ensure your voice tone signals discussion and not inquisition, exploration and not punishment.

Pick up two or three good books on the topic for your corporate library and encourage leaders in your organization to develop this important skill.