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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
For most of recorded history, people got married for logical pragmatic sorts of reasons.
Since around 1750, we have been living in an era in the history of love that we can call Romanticism where the marriage of reason was replaced with the marriage of feeling.
Love now unfolds against a cultural backdrop that subtly guides us as to where we should place our emotional emphases, what to value, how to approach conflicts, what to get excited about, when to tolerate, and what we can be legitimately incensed by.
It's normative points include:
Love is not just found in romantic love directed at one person.
Love includes the depth of close friendships, the sense of belonging in a community, the intensity of an artistic practice or a connection to our work.
In history, marriage was a pragmatic institution. A sense of identity was more embedded in community, and not solely in marriage.
The shift to individualism and choice has meant that we feel the need to find our identity in an all-encompassing romantic partnership. We are asking from one person what once an entire village used to provide.
Recognising that one person can't be your everything can help you find a broader definition of love.
Sharing your experiences with others is an essential ingredient to feeling connected.
This conncection doesn't have to come in the form of a partner or having friends around you all the time. Rather, it is the quality of your close relationships that has an impact on your well being.
Fiction is where we learn about love, about having a crush on someone; about the magical moment that one’s eyes meet another’s across a room and how that leads to happily ever after.
But, love isn’t an indescribable feeling – it’s a skill – and one that we have to work on.
The Ancient Greeks had a good understanding of input vs. output in a long-term relationship. Their view was that people in relationships should alter between teacher and student, student and teacher, in an ongoing pursuit of becoming the best versions of ourselves.
Thinking we’re easy to live with is an easy mistake to make.
We’re all broken in some way. We lack self-awareness about the many ways in which we are uniquely mad. Alain de Botton believes we should be swapping instruction manuals on the first date.