An Adult's Guide to Social Skills, for Those Who Were Never Taught

Emotional intelligence (or E.I.) is your ability to be aware of your own emotions, to recognize emotions in others and use that information to guide your behavior.

When you develop your own E.I., you can understand and improve your social interactions.

• Self-awareness: Do you get anxious in loud environments? Self-awareness is knowing these things about yourself.
• Self-regulation deals with your ability to manage your own emotions. 
• Motivation: You know how to motivate yourself and create or continue projects because you choose to.
• Empathy: It means recognizing the emotions of others.
• Socialization: It is your ability to navigate social situations, including conveying your ideas to co-workers or dealing with a conflict in a relationship.

Our own fears keep us from confronting others. We fear that we'll lose something, hurt someone we care about, or that it will accomplish nothing.

• Recognize that fear in yourself and identify the real issues that led to the conflict.
• When you are able to discuss the issue, instead of firing accusations, describe your behavior using "I" statements: "I feel hurt that .............................."

Group conversations are loud and can seem chaotic. Don't get frustrated. Go with the flow of the conversation and look for opportunities to jump in.

When you say something, speak loudly and with confidence. Keep your stories short or frame a complaint as a story.

The most important aspect of developing a new friendship is to show up.

• Decide that you're going to make friends and then put yourself in situations where you can find friends. Take a class or join a club.
• Make a point to follow up if you found someone you want as a friend. 

Most of us are willing to talk to a stranger. Few are eager to make the first move.

If the person seems open to a conversation and is not busy, start by saying hello or opening with a compliment. After that, you can keep the conversation flowing by offering an observation or insight and follow it up with a question.