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What Guilt-tripping Is
Guilt-tripping is an indirect approach to communication. Even when youâve done nothing wrong, the other person might imply the situation is somehow your fault. They make their unhappiness clear and leave it to you to find a way of fixing the problem.
If you feel guilty about their suffering, youâre more likely to do what you can to help. Intentional or not, guilt-tripping prevents healthy communication and conflict resolution, and often provokes feelings of resentment and frustration.
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What Guilt-tripping Looks Like
Someone trying to guilt-trip you may:
- point out their own efforts to make you feel as if youâve fallen short;
- ignore your efforts to talk about the problem;
- give you the silent treatment;
- deny their irritation, though their actions tell you otherwise;
- show no interest in doing anything to improve the situation themselves;
- use body language to communicate their displeasure by sighing or slamming objects down;
- make sarcastic or passive-aggressive remarks about the situation.
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Listen Empathically
Someone feeling hurt might use guilt trips when they donât know any other way to deal with their emotional turmoil. Itâs tough to listen if someone wonât admit thereâs a problem, but get the discussion started by pointing out their behavior. Then give them space to express their feelings.
âIâm sorry I canât make it tonight. Trying to make me feel guilty wonât change my decision. I understand itâs upsetting. Do you feel like talking about that some more?â
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Ask Questions
Someone might resort to guilt when they donât know how to advocate for themselves in more direct ways.
If you notice signs suggestive of guilt-tripping, use open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves directly:
- âYou seem upset. Whatâs going on?â
- âIt seems like youâre frustrated with that assignment. How can I help?â
- âIâd love to help, if I can. What would you like me to do?â
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When to Get Help
- someone tries to guilt you into doing things after you say no;
- the behavior forms a pattern;
- they make no effort to change;
- they try to control your behavior in other ways;
- you feel as if you canât do anything right
- you notice put-downs, gaslighting, or other emotional abuse.
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