Someone feeling hurt might use guilt trips when they don’t know any other way to deal with their emotional turmoil. It’s tough to listen if someone won’t admit there’s a problem, but get the discussion started by pointing out their behavior. Then give them space to express their feelings.

“I’m sorry I can’t make it tonight. Trying to make me feel guilty won’t change my decision. I understand it’s upsetting. Do you feel like talking about that some more?”

Someone might resort to guilt when they don’t know how to advocate for themselves in more direct ways.

If you notice signs suggestive of guilt-tripping, use open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves directly:

• “You seem upset. What’s going on?”
• “It seems like you’re frustrated with that assignment. How can I help?”
• “I’d love to help, if I can. What would you like me to do?”

• someone tries to guilt you into doing things after you say no;
• the behavior forms a pattern;
• they make no effort to change;
• they try to control your behavior in other ways;
• you feel as if you can’t do anything right
• you notice put-downs, gaslighting, or other emotional abuse.