Do Compliments Make You Cringe? Here’s Why.
Curated from: hbr.org
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Receiving a compliment
Many people squirm in their seats when someone's compliment catches them off guard.
A study of more than 400 people showed that 70% associated receiving a compliment with feelings of embarrassment or discomfort.
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Why we feel discomfort when receiving praise
We most often feel uncomfortable if compliments catch us by surprise. When we're surprised, we move through the following sequence:
- Stage 1: We momentarily freeze. Rising dopamine levels may cause the heart to start racing and palms sweating. This intense emotional experience can feel uncomfortable.
- Stage 2: We find an explanation for what is happening.
- Stage 3: We shift the new information so that it fits our existing schema about ourselves. This means we may try to deflect the compliment or shut it down.
- Stage 4: We share our experience.
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How to trigger joy instead of anxiety when we receive praise
- When you receive a compliment from someone, understand that it is **their** experience of the situation, not yours. Simply accept their perspective. Start by saying "thank you."
- Reframe your experience. Think of your vulnerability not as a weakness but as openness. See it as an opportunity to connect with someone else. "Wow, that is such a different perspective."
Nobody is able to change their first response to compliments overnight. It takes time and practice.
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Slow down conditioned responses
Learning to take a compliment well starts with self-awareness.
Get curious about your learned behaviours and how they impact your response to a compliment.
- In your culture or faith, were you taught just to say thank you, praise God, or divert the compliment with your head down?
- How abundant or scarce was praise in your childhood?
- Did your family have unspoken rules around praise?
- Did you hear statements like" It's not that big a deal" or "Don't let it get to your head?"
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