Kind Words, Weird Feels: The Psychology of Compliments

Research suggests this struggle is particularly pronounced for women, who are often socialized to be modest and to focus outwardly on others. Compliments, then, can feel like spotlights exposing imagined imperfections. Layer on the pressure of perfectionism that women often feel, and even a well-meaning “You’re amazing!” can feel like a reminder of our perceived shortcomings.

Accepting compliments isn’t just about boosting our ego—it’s about fostering connection. Compliments are small acts of kindness that say, “I see you. I value you.” By brushing them off, we unintentionally dismiss the giver’s thoughtfulness and vulnerability.

Moreover, learning to accept praise can help us rewrite those internal scripts of self-doubt. When we practice embracing positive feedback, we affirm not only our worth but also the relationships that give life its richness.

If compliments make you squirm, remember you’re not alone—but there’s good news: You can train yourself to accept them with grace. Here are three practical strategies:

1. Say “Thank You” and Pause
2. Resist the Deflection Trap
3. Reflect and Let It Sink In

The simplest way to respond to a compliment is with genuine gratitude. A heartfelt “thank you” shows you value the kind words without deflecting or diminishing them. Resist the urge to explain or downplay—just let the compliment land.

Example:

Compliment: “You did an amazing job on this project.”

Response: “Thank you! That means a lot to me.”

It’s tempting to redirect a compliment with phrases like, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “It was really a team effort.” While these responses may feel modest, they can unintentionally diminish the compliment and make the giver feel dismissed. Instead, try owning your contribution.

Example:

Compliment: “Your presentation was so relevant.”

Deflection: “Oh, I just got lucky with the timing of the topic.”

Better Response: “Thank you! I’m glad you found it valuable.”

Compliments often feel fleeting, but you can make them last. Take time to reflect on kind words, letting them settle in your mind. Writing compliments down can help, too—a “compliment journal” can remind you of your strengths on tougher days.

Example:

Compliment: “Your advice really helped me.”

Reflection: Later, remind yourself, “My perspective made a difference.”

One way to shift our mindset is to view compliments as gifts. When someone offers kind words, they’re sharing their positive experience of us. Accepting a compliment graciously is like saying, “Thank you for this gift—I’ll treasure it.” This reframing can help us stop seeing compliments as judgments about our worth and start seeing them as bridges of connection.

The next time someone offers you a kind word, try to embrace it—not just for your own benefit, but for the connection it creates. Compliments remind us that our actions and presence have meaning to others.

Accepting kindness may feel awkward, even unnatural at times, but it’s an opportunity for growth. When we let compliments sink in, we’re not just acknowledging our own value—we’re also honoring the person who offered them. In doing so, we create space for deeper connection, greater joy, and more confidence —not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us.