<p>Men find it hard to find and maintain friendship as they get older. They are usually advised to get together with other guys or call them and have a chat. And they are told that is the way to maintain strong friendships. But this strategy doesn't seem to work.</p>

How to make friends as a man

<p>Women build relationships, face to face. That is through conversation or talking.</p>

Why it‘s easier for women

<p>For men, friendships are build shoulder to shoulder.</p><p>They do that by engaging in activities together like sports, etc.</p>

How men build friendships

<p>The secret to making friends for men is to arrange engaging activities with other guys you like, over the traditional coffee dates or meeting up for a chat format.</p><p>Getting together with other guys alone is not enough but what you do together matters most. </p>

What‘s the secret

<p>It is crucial that you make these activities a priority and take the responsibility of arranging these get-togethers.</p>

Responsibility is key

<p dir="ltr">
<span itemprop="author" itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person" dir="ltr">
<span itemprop="name" dir="ltr">AoM Team</span>
</span> •
<span itemprop="datePublished" dir="ltr">April 21, 2021</span>

</p><header dir="ltr">
<h1 itemprop="headline" dir="ltr">Podcast #702: One Man’s Impossible Quest — To Make Friends in Adulthood</h1>
</header><p>Several years ago, there was a tweet that went viral which said that of Jesus’ many miracles, perhaps his greatest, was having 12 close friends in his 30s.
</p><p>As people say, it’s funny, because&nbsp;it’s true.
</p><p dir="ltr">When my guest today came&nbsp;face-to-face with the anemic state of his own friendships, he set out to try to do the miraculous himself, and make&nbsp;friends in middle-age. His name is Billy Baker and he’s a journalist&nbsp;and the author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1982111089/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=1982111089&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=stucosuccess&amp;linkId=FSXA3GZUT5SFDAZ4" data-amzn-asin="1982111089" dir="ltr"><em dir="ltr">We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends</em></a>. Billy and I begin our conversation with the problem of male loneliness&nbsp;in the modern age, and how it befell him in his own life. We then discuss how men and women do friendships differently, the way men do theirs shoulder to shoulder, what this means for what male friendships need to be built around, and why they require what he calls “velvet hooks.” Billy shares how he started his project, which experimented with different ways to recover and create connections, by rekindling his old friendships, but why that ultimately didn’t scratch the friendship itch for him. Billy then describes what did: a kind of casual fraternity for middle-aged men he started, and how it was inspired by something called the “men’s shed” movement in Australia and its philosophy that men need “somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to talk to.” We end our conversation with Billy’s takeaways for making friends in adulthood, including the need for embracing intentionality and social risk.
</p><p dir="ltr"><em dir="ltr">If reading this in an email, click the title of the post to listen to the show.</em>
</p><div dir="ltr"><h3 dir="ltr">Show Highlights</h3>
</div><UL><LI>Why are men so susceptible to loneliness?</LI><LI>What are the health consequences of loneliness?</LI><LI>Face to face versus shoulder to shoulder&nbsp;</LI><LI>What are “velvet hooks”?</LI><LI>Why re-kindling past friendships didn’t fully scratch the friendship itch&nbsp;</LI><LI>Why the Men’s Shed Movement inspired Billy to make some actual friends&nbsp;</LI><LI>How COVID managed to strengthen friendships&nbsp;</LI><LI>The pressure of trying to be friends with both halves of a couple&nbsp;</LI><LI>What’s the actionable takeaway here for guys?</LI></UL><div dir="ltr">
<h3 dir="ltr">Resources/Articles/People Mentioned in Podcast</h3>
</div><img src="https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2021/04/81rDHgt2jnL.jpg" alt="" width="357" height="550" srcset="https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2021/04/81rDHgt2jnL.jpg 357w, https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2021/04/81rDHgt2jnL-320x493.jpg 320w"><div dir="ltr">
<h3 dir="ltr">Connect With Billy</h3>
</div><div dir="ltr"><h3 dir="ltr">Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)</h3>
</div><img src="https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2020/02/listen-apple-podcasts.jpg" alt="Apple podcasts." width="300" height="77"><img src="https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2020/02/overcast-1.png" alt="Overcast." width="300" height="79"><img src="https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2020/02/spotify.png" alt="Spotify." width="300" height="109"><img src="https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2020/02/listen-on-stitcher.png" alt="Stitcher." width="300" height="110"><img src="https://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2020/02/listen-google-podcasts.png" alt="Google podcasts." width="300" height="76"><div dir="ltr">
<h3 dir="ltr">Podcast Sponsors</h3>
</div><div dir="ltr"><h3 dir="ltr">Read the Transcript</h3>
</div><p>Coming soon!
</p>

Several years ago, there was a tweet which said that of Jesus' many miracles, perhaps his greatest, was having 12 close friends in his 30s.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

<p><span><span>AoM Team </span> </span>• <span>April 21, 2021 </span> </p>

Podcast #702: One Man’s Impossible Quest — To Make Friends in Adulthood

<p>Several years ago, there was a tweet that went viral which said that of Jesus’ many miracles, perhaps his greatest, was having 12 close friends in his 30s. </p>

<p>As people say, it’s funny, because it’s true. </p>

<p>When my guest today came face-to-face with the anemic state of his own friendships, he set out to try to do the miraculous himself, and make friends in middle-age. His name is Billy Baker and he’s a journalist and the author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1982111089/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1982111089&linkCode=as2&tag=stucosuccess&linkId=FSXA3GZUT5SFDAZ4"><em>We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends </em> </a>. Billy and I begin our conversation with the problem of male loneliness in the modern age, and how it befell him in his own life. We then discuss how men and women do friendships differently, the way men do theirs shoulder to shoulder, what this means for what male friendships need to be built around, and why they require what he calls “velvet hooks.” Billy shares how he started his project, which experimented with different ways to recover and create connections, by rekindling his old friendships, but why that ultimately didn’t scratch the friendship itch for him. Billy then describes what did: a kind of casual fraternity for middle-aged men he started, and how it was inspired by something called the “men’s shed” movement in Australia and its philosophy that men need “somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to talk to.” We end our conversation with Billy’s takeaways for making friends in adulthood, including the need for embracing intentionality and social risk. </p>

<p><em>If reading this in an email, click the title of the post to listen to the show. </em> </p>

<ul><li>Why are men so susceptible to loneliness? </li><li>What are the health consequences of loneliness? </li><li>Face to face versus shoulder to shoulder  </li><li>What are “velvet hooks”? </li><li>Why re-kindling past friendships didn’t fully scratch the friendship itch  </li><li>Why the Men’s Shed Movement inspired Billy to make some actual friends  </li><li>How COVID managed to strengthen friendships  </li><li>The pressure of trying to be friends with both halves of a couple  </li><li>What’s the actionable takeaway here for guys? </li> </ul>

Resources/Articles/People Mentioned in Podcast

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

Podcast #702: One Man's Impossible Quest — To Make Friends in Adulthood

How to make friends as a man

Why it‘s easier for women

How men build friendships

What‘s the secret

Responsibility is key

CURATED BY

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