The Courage to Be Disliked Summary

If you think that your past determines your present, you end up with determinism; your future has already been decided by your past. In "Adlerian psychology", we don’t think about past causes, but rather about present goals. Your past doesn’t determine your present, but rather it is the meaning that you attribute to your past.

You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not to. You probably think it’s easier to leave things as they are. If you stay like this, you can respond to events as they occur, and you can guess the results.

Courage is the solution.

Accept yourself now, and regardless of the outcome, have the courage to step forward.

We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to past experiences. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences. We instead make out of them whatever suits our purposes.

Learn to sperate the tasks.

1. Do not care what people think of you. Thinking about you is their task. Your task is to be what you are. Do not act according to people. Wear what you want. eat what you want, go where you want.
2. Do not interrupt in others' tasks. All problems you have are because of not seperating the tasks. Telling others what to eat, where to go, when to sleep, what to do is none of your jobs.

You may have the desire to be known, to be famous right? Suppose you clean up the road daily, and no one even sees you, no one praises you. What do you do? You stop? So didn't you make your task to rest because of others. That's the problem. If no one stops me, I will do the wrong thing. If no one praises me, I will stop doing the right thing. Now take a deep dive. This life is yours. The control should be on you. The control is on others. What kinda life is that?

This Desire For Recognition makes you unfree.

What is freedom?

Freedom is the courage to be disliked by others.

Oh that person just stared you because you were wearing a weird T-shirt, So what? That person dislikes you because you just did what he doesn't like but you do, so what? Oh, no one is praising you for what you are doing is good, so what so what so what?

 You like that T-shirt, you like doing that thing, you know that is good for the society, that matters.

You were not born here to make everyone please.

This life is yours. If you have Desire for Recognition, then, sadly, you do not have the courage to accept freedom.

• We live in a world where people are so afraid of being disliked that They would rather change their whole personality than accept the fact that there are people who dislike them. 
• Just by this deep-rooted desire to be liked by everyone Sometimes we even choose a career we do not want and we choose to hang out with people we barely could stand. And for what?
• Even then, there are people who dislike you and there are people who dislike me.

It is true that nobody wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: What should one do to not be disliked by anyone?

There is only one answer: It is to constantly gauge other people’s feelings, while swearing loyalty to all of them. If there are ten people then you have to swear loyalty to all of them.

When you do that, disapproval by someone is inevitable. You’re nothing but a politician who has fallen into populism, you have no stand but to please other people's needs.

The real Freedom is being disliked by other people. It is proof that you’re being your authentic self

Some people deal with dislike or disapproval in a very different way they would start a fight or an argument.

This implies that you’re a tyrant and won't tolerate any opposing force, this is not a solution either. The most ideal way is to be okay with it, Just Have the courage to be disliked.

Develop the confidence and resilience to live lives on your own terms.

The Courage to Be Disliked is a self-help book written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga that aims to help readers develop the confidence and resilience to live their lives on their own terms. The book is based on the philosophical ideas of Alfred Adler, a pioneering psychotherapist who believed that humans are driven by a desire to feel significant and that this desire shapes their behavior and personality.

This part of the book introduces the philosophical ideas of Alfred Adler and provides an overview of his approach to psychology and self-improvement.

This part of the book explores the importance of self-acceptance and the idea that we are all worthy of love and respect, regardless of what others may think of us. It covers topics such as the dangers of seeking approval from others and the value of embracing our unique qualities.

his part of the book focuses on the importance of developing the courage to be disliked, or the ability to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs, even in the face of criticism or rejection. It provides practical advice and strategies for cultivating this type of courage and resilience.

True freedom comes from accepting oneself as one is, without seeking validation or approval from others. Kishimi and Koga's exploration of Adlerian psychology highlights the importance of embracing personal responsibility and agency in shaping one's own life.

Our choices shape our lives. They give us the power to create our own paths and define our destinies. By taking control of our decisions and actions, we can break free from society's expectations and explore our true potential.

Key Points:

• We are in control of our own lives
• Our choices have the power to shape our future
• Take ownership of your decisions
• Don't let external expectations limit you
• Explore your true potential

Embrace Your Power of Choice ✨

● Seeking recognition and approval can prevent us from being true to ourselves. ● Kishimi and Koga's teachings warn of the dangers of constantly seeking validation from others.

Key Concepts:

• Authenticity
• Self-assurance
• Inner confidence
• Pursuing our true desires
• Validation
• Approval

This post illuminates the path to finding personal freedom by shedding the heavy weight of others' expectations. "The Courage to Be Disliked" teaches us that our worth and life choices should not be dictated by the fear of judgment or the desire for external validation.

The courage to embrace our true selves, despite potential disapproval or misunderstanding, leads to genuine freedom. Adlerian psychology suggests that when we stop measuring our success through the eyes of others and start pursuing what truly matters to us, we unlock a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Overcoming the fear of rejection is a pivotal theme in "The Courage to Be Disliked." This post delves into how the fear of being judged or rejected can trap us in a comfort zone, stifling growth and authenticity. The book argues that facing this fear is essential for personal development.

By adopting an Adlerian perspective, we learn that rejection is not a reflection of our worth but a natural part of human interactions and diversity. Embracing this can empower us to take risks, express our true selves, and form more genuine connections.

Contribution to the community is a key to happiness and fulfillment, according to Adlerian psychology. This post explores how moving beyond self-centered goals to focus on the welfare of others enriches our sense of purpose and belonging.

"The Courage to Be Disliked" emphasizes that our happiness is intertwined with our contributions to society. The explanation covers the psychological benefits of altruism, such as increased well-being and a deeper connection to the community.

We are not determined by the experiences we've had, but rather, the meaning we give to them. Instead of thinking about 'past causes', think about 'present goals'.

We get angry and show aggression to make a point. We make a point to possibly win an argument, which in turn is a means to establish supremacy over the person on the receiving end.

Do you feel that a certain trauma is holding you back from feeling happy at this point of life?

The concept of causality, in which a certain cause will lead to a certain effect or action, is the school of etiology. Whereas Adlerian psyschology follows the school of teleology, in which a certain purpose or goal will lead to certain actions.

Following the concept of teleology then raises the question, "why did you choose to be unhappy?" - the choice might have been made unconsciously at any point of time - maybe due to childhood trauma.

Lifestyle can be defined as the tendencies of thoughts and actions in life. We can choose to change or to not change our lifestyle.

If we're unhappy at this point in life, we most likely have the desire to change.

But we believe that we can't change. What's holding us back? Excuses. We subconsciously create excuses that it's impossible to change because we lack of courage to change.

In short, the decision to change tests courage. We have that courage when we accept what we are born with and make use of that equipment to be happy.

14 points that I got from the book that will boost your confidence

It's simple mind your own business and focus on you

Whenever something happens or any person does anything good or bad you should not judge them in a instinct first find out the reason why.

• The world that seems complicated and mysterious, is not so if you change the lens with which you see the world.
• People can change, people can find happiness and that is what requires courage, a lot of awareness , a lot of human understanding.
• Adler - Austrian physicist - gave Adlerian psychology - he devoted his life researching humans and their latent capabilities - his ideas 100 years ahead of time.
• Aetiology - study of cause and effect - the world in which we live in usually - because of something in past, we are facing XYZ issues. Teleology - study of purpose of something than its cause.

• We fabricate negative emotions and attribute them to past trauma or phenomenon. We determine our own present lives by what meaning we give to past experiences.
• People fabricate anger in order to fulfil the goal of something. Like you intentionally get angry so that you get the privilege to shout at someone. Anger is a tool taken out when needed.
• If you continue to stay in aetiology, you will be bound by the past and never be able to find happiness.
• Awareness begins by knowing oneself. The most important thing is not what one is born with but what makes use of that equipment. 

• People are unable to change because change is scary to them. It is easier to stay put in the comfort zone than to seek uncertainty by trying out new things. Basically people lack the courage to choose a new and better lifestyle to get over their past complaints. They lack courage to change their lifestyle and be happy. Period.
• Living in the here and now determines your life. Forget trauma and all your emotional baggage in the past.