The Courage to Be Disliked Summary

If you think that your past determines your present, you end up with determinism; your future has already been decided by your past. In "Adlerian psychology", we don’t think about past causes, but rather about present goals. Your past doesn’t determine your present, but rather it is the meaning that you attribute to your past.

You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not to. You probably think it’s easier to leave things as they are. If you stay like this, you can respond to events as they occur, and you can guess the results.

Courage is the solution.

Accept yourself now, and regardless of the outcome, have the courage to step forward.

We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to past experiences. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences. We instead make out of them whatever suits our purposes.

Learn to sperate the tasks.

1. Do not care what people think of you. Thinking about you is their task. Your task is to be what you are. Do not act according to people. Wear what you want. eat what you want, go where you want.
2. Do not interrupt in others' tasks. All problems you have are because of not seperating the tasks. Telling others what to eat, where to go, when to sleep, what to do is none of your jobs.

You may have the desire to be known, to be famous right? Suppose you clean up the road daily, and no one even sees you, no one praises you. What do you do? You stop? So didn't you make your task to rest because of others. That's the problem. If no one stops me, I will do the wrong thing. If no one praises me, I will stop doing the right thing. Now take a deep dive. This life is yours. The control should be on you. The control is on others. What kinda life is that?

This Desire For Recognition makes you unfree.

What is freedom?

Freedom is the courage to be disliked by others.

Oh that person just stared you because you were wearing a weird T-shirt, So what? That person dislikes you because you just did what he doesn't like but you do, so what? Oh, no one is praising you for what you are doing is good, so what so what so what?

 You like that T-shirt, you like doing that thing, you know that is good for the society, that matters.

You were not born here to make everyone please.

This life is yours. If you have Desire for Recognition, then, sadly, you do not have the courage to accept freedom.

• We live in a world where people are so afraid of being disliked that They would rather change their whole personality than accept the fact that there are people who dislike them. 
• Just by this deep-rooted desire to be liked by everyone Sometimes we even choose a career we do not want and we choose to hang out with people we barely could stand. And for what?
• Even then, there are people who dislike you and there are people who dislike me.

It is true that nobody wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: What should one do to not be disliked by anyone?

There is only one answer: It is to constantly gauge other people’s feelings, while swearing loyalty to all of them. If there are ten people then you have to swear loyalty to all of them.

When you do that, disapproval by someone is inevitable. You’re nothing but a politician who has fallen into populism, you have no stand but to please other people's needs.

The real Freedom is being disliked by other people. It is proof that you’re being your authentic self

Some people deal with dislike or disapproval in a very different way they would start a fight or an argument.

This implies that you’re a tyrant and won't tolerate any opposing force, this is not a solution either. The most ideal way is to be okay with it, Just Have the courage to be disliked.

"The issue is not about how the world is, but about how you are"...

With this touchy line introduction helps us to understand that this book is all about Adlerian Psychology. We all know that All problems are interpersonal problems.

There is always a cause before an effect, so there is always a psychological issue behind each and every action of ours. That means Who we are now (the effect) is determined by occurances in the past (the causes). So let's deep dive.

We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining

We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences.

Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live

People are not controlled by emotion. They are not controlled by the past

People are not driven by past causes, but more toward goals that they themselves set.

You should arrive at answers on your own, and not rely upon what you get from someone else. Answers from others are nothing more than stopgap measures ; they are of no value.

Our past doesn't define us - we have the power to shape our future based on our experiences. We create our own destiny by interpreting our experiences in a way that serves our purpose.

You can change any time. You just choose not to.

Key Concepts:

• Self-determination🚀
• Interpreting experiences✅
• Not bound by the past❌

We often employ anger to dominate others with a strong voice and assert our opinions. In this way, anger becomes just a method to achieve our objectives. 

Those with short tempers often overlook that there are more effective communication tools available that don't rely on anger. They choose to use anger as a tool in order to achieve the objective of making the other person submit to them.

If someone insults you, think about their hidden agenda. When you get angry because of someone's words or actions, they are challenging you to a power struggle.

Do not engage in a power struggle. The belief that "I'm right" leads to thinking that the other person is wrong, and it becomes a competition to win. ❌

Admitting mistakes, apologizing, and stepping away from power struggles are not signs of defeat.🤝✅

Develop the confidence and resilience to live lives on your own terms.

The Courage to Be Disliked is a self-help book written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga that aims to help readers develop the confidence and resilience to live their lives on their own terms. The book is based on the philosophical ideas of Alfred Adler, a pioneering psychotherapist who believed that humans are driven by a desire to feel significant and that this desire shapes their behavior and personality.

This part of the book introduces the philosophical ideas of Alfred Adler and provides an overview of his approach to psychology and self-improvement.

This part of the book explores the importance of self-acceptance and the idea that we are all worthy of love and respect, regardless of what others may think of us. It covers topics such as the dangers of seeking approval from others and the value of embracing our unique qualities.

his part of the book focuses on the importance of developing the courage to be disliked, or the ability to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs, even in the face of criticism or rejection. It provides practical advice and strategies for cultivating this type of courage and resilience.

True freedom comes from accepting oneself as one is, without seeking validation or approval from others. Kishimi and Koga's exploration of Adlerian psychology highlights the importance of embracing personal responsibility and agency in shaping one's own life.

Our choices shape our lives. They give us the power to create our own paths and define our destinies. By taking control of our decisions and actions, we can break free from society's expectations and explore our true potential.

Key Points:

• We are in control of our own lives
• Our choices have the power to shape our future
• Take ownership of your decisions
• Don't let external expectations limit you
• Explore your true potential

Embrace Your Power of Choice ✨

● Seeking recognition and approval can prevent us from being true to ourselves. ● Kishimi and Koga's teachings warn of the dangers of constantly seeking validation from others.

Key Concepts:

• Authenticity
• Self-assurance
• Inner confidence
• Pursuing our true desires
• Validation
• Approval

• The Courage to Be Disliked is a transformative dialogue between a philosopher and a young man seeking answers about life, happiness, and personal fulfilment.
• The book is deeply rooted in the principles of Alfred Adler's psychology, offering a refreshing perspective on how to live a life free from the burdens of past experiences and societal expectations.

• The book highlights that our past doesn't have to hold us back. Adlerian psychology talked about in the book, says that we can make our way no matter what happened in the past.
• This differs from Freudian psychology, which often examines the past to explain present behaviour. People who see things this way are more likely to take responsibility for their actions and realize they can change their lives at any time.

This post illuminates the path to finding personal freedom by shedding the heavy weight of others' expectations. "The Courage to Be Disliked" teaches us that our worth and life choices should not be dictated by the fear of judgment or the desire for external validation.

The courage to embrace our true selves, despite potential disapproval or misunderstanding, leads to genuine freedom. Adlerian psychology suggests that when we stop measuring our success through the eyes of others and start pursuing what truly matters to us, we unlock a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Overcoming the fear of rejection is a pivotal theme in "The Courage to Be Disliked." This post delves into how the fear of being judged or rejected can trap us in a comfort zone, stifling growth and authenticity. The book argues that facing this fear is essential for personal development.

By adopting an Adlerian perspective, we learn that rejection is not a reflection of our worth but a natural part of human interactions and diversity. Embracing this can empower us to take risks, express our true selves, and form more genuine connections.

Contribution to the community is a key to happiness and fulfillment, according to Adlerian psychology. This post explores how moving beyond self-centered goals to focus on the welfare of others enriches our sense of purpose and belonging.

"The Courage to Be Disliked" emphasizes that our happiness is intertwined with our contributions to society. The explanation covers the psychological benefits of altruism, such as increased well-being and a deeper connection to the community.

We are not determined by the experiences we've had, but rather, the meaning we give to them. Instead of thinking about 'past causes', think about 'present goals'.

We get angry and show aggression to make a point. We make a point to possibly win an argument, which in turn is a means to establish supremacy over the person on the receiving end.