The Courage to Be Disliked Summary 2023 - Deepstash

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The Courage to Be Disliked Summary

About The Courage to Be Disliked Book

A single book can change your life. Already an enormous bestseller in Asia, with more than 3 million copies sold, The Courage to be Disliked demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefited from its wisdom. Now that The Courage to be Disliked has been published for the first time in English, so can you

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The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga

You can change any time. You just choose not to.

If you think that your past determines your present, you end up with determinism; your future has already been decided by your past. In "Adlerian psychology", we don’t think about past causes, but rather about present goals. Your past doesn’t determine your present, but rather it is the meaning that you attribute to your past.

You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not to. You probably think it’s easier to leave things as they are. If you stay like this, you can respond to events as they occur, and you can guess the results.

Courage is the solution.

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You fabricate emotions.

Accept yourself now, and regardless of the outcome, have the courage to step forward.

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You use trauma as an excuse.

We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to past experiences. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences. We instead make out of them whatever suits our purposes.

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Learn to not care

Learn to sperate the tasks.

  1. Do not care what people think of you. Thinking about you is their task. Your task is to be what you are. Do not act according to people. Wear what you want. eat what you want, go where you want.
  2. Do not interrupt in others' tasks. All problems you have are because of not seperating the tasks. Telling others what to eat, where to go, when to sleep, what to do is none of your jobs.

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Deny the Desire For Recognition

You may have the desire to be known, to be famous right? Suppose you clean up the road daily, and no one even sees you, no one praises you. What do you do? You stop? So didn't you make your task to rest because of others. That's the problem. If no one stops me, I will do the wrong thing. If no one praises me, I will stop doing the right thing. Now take a deep dive. This life is yours. The control should be on you. The control is on others. What kinda life is that?

This Desire For Recognition makes you unfree.

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Choose freedom

What is freedom?

Freedom is the courage to be disliked by others.

Oh that person just stared you because you were wearing a weird T-shirt, So what? That person dislikes you because you just did what he doesn't like but you do, so what? Oh, no one is praising you for what you are doing is good, so what so what so what?

 You like that T-shirt, you like doing that thing, you know that is good for the society, that matters.

You were not born here to make everyone please.

This life is yours. If you have Desire for Recognition, then, sadly, you do not have the courage to accept freedom.

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Because These ideas changed my whole perspective of life and I started making efforts towards my goals. This book answered a lot of my questions which several adults failed to answer correctly.

The Courage to be Disliked

The Courage to be Disliked

  • We live in a world where people are so afraid of being disliked that They would rather change their whole personality than accept the fact that there are people who dislike them. 
  • Just by this deep-rooted desire to be liked by everyone Sometimes we even choose a career we do not want and we choose to hang out with people we barely could stand. And for what?
  • Even then, there are people who dislike you and there are people who dislike me.

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What is Real Freedom?

What is Real Freedom?

It is true that nobody wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: What should one do to not be disliked by anyone?

There is only one answer: It is to constantly gauge other people’s feelings, while swearing loyalty to all of them. If there are ten people then you have to swear loyalty to all of them.

When you do that, disapproval by someone is inevitable. You’re nothing but a politician who has fallen into populism, you have no stand but to please other people's needs.

The real Freedom is being disliked by other people. It is proof that you’re being your authentic self

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So What you should do if someone dislikes you?

So What you should do if someone dislikes you?

Some people deal with dislike or disapproval in a very different way they would start a fight or an argument.

This implies that you’re a tyrant and won't tolerate any opposing force, this is not a solution either. The most ideal way is to be okay with it, Just Have the courage to be disliked.

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The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

Develop the confidence and resilience to live lives on your own terms.

The Courage to Be Disliked is a self-help book written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga that aims to help readers develop the confidence and resilience to live their lives on their own terms. The book is based on the philosophical ideas of Alfred Adler, a pioneering psychotherapist who believed that humans are driven by a desire to feel significant and that this desire shapes their behavior and personality.

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Part 1: Introduction to Adler's Philosophy

Part 1: Introduction to Adler's Philosophy

This part of the book introduces the philosophical ideas of Alfred Adler and provides an overview of his approach to psychology and self-improvement.

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Part 2: The Importance of Self-Acceptance

Part 2: The Importance of Self-Acceptance

This part of the book explores the importance of self-acceptance and the idea that we are all worthy of love and respect, regardless of what others may think of us. It covers topics such as the dangers of seeking approval from others and the value of embracing our unique qualities.

his part of the book focuses on the importance of developing the courage to be disliked, or the ability to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs, even in the face of criticism or rejection. It provides practical advice and strategies for cultivating this type of courage and resilience.

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Why Should You Read This Book ?

Why Should You Read This Book ?

"The issue is not about how the world is, but about how you are"...

With this touchy line introduction helps us to understand that this book is all about Adlerian Psychology. We all know that All problems are interpersonal problems.

There is always a cause before an effect, so there is always a psychological issue behind each and every action of ours. That means Who we are now (the effect) is determined by occurances in the past (the causes). So let's deep dive.

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Trauma does not exist.

We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining

We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences.

Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live

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Live without being controlled by past

People are not controlled by emotion. They are not controlled by the past

People are not driven by past causes, but more toward goals that they themselves set.

You should arrive at answers on your own, and not rely upon what you get from someone else. Answers from others are nothing more than stopgap measures ; they are of no value.

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"The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is a thought-provoking exploration of the principles of Adlerian psychology and the pursuit of personal freedom and happiness. Here are ten amazing and unique lessons from the book: https://amzn.to/3VtloRG

Freedom Lies in Acceptance

Freedom Lies in Acceptance

True freedom comes from accepting oneself as one is, without seeking validation or approval from others. Kishimi and Koga's exploration of Adlerian psychology highlights the importance of embracing personal responsibility and agency in shaping one's own life.

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The Power of Choice

The Power of Choice

Our choices shape our lives. They give us the power to create our own paths and define our destinies. By taking control of our decisions and actions, we can break free from society's expectations and explore our true potential.

Key Points:

  • We are in control of our own lives
  • Our choices have the power to shape our future
  • Take ownership of your decisions
  • Don't let external expectations limit you
  • Explore your true potential

Embrace Your Power of Choice ✨

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Overcoming the Need for Recognition

Overcoming the Need for Recognition

● Seeking recognition and approval can prevent us from being true to ourselves. ● Kishimi and Koga's teachings warn of the dangers of constantly seeking validation from others.

Key Concepts:

  • Authenticity
  • Self-assurance
  • Inner confidence
  • Pursuing our true desires
  • Validation
  • Approval

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It's not always easy to go against the crowd, but I believe that pursuing what you truly love, without worrying about the opinions of others, is the right approach at times

Finding Freedom: The Journey Beyond Others' Expectations

Finding Freedom: The Journey Beyond Others' Expectations

This post illuminates the path to finding personal freedom by shedding the heavy weight of others' expectations. "The Courage to Be Disliked" teaches us that our worth and life choices should not be dictated by the fear of judgment or the desire for external validation.

The courage to embrace our true selves, despite potential disapproval or misunderstanding, leads to genuine freedom. Adlerian psychology suggests that when we stop measuring our success through the eyes of others and start pursuing what truly matters to us, we unlock a more authentic and fulfilling life.

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Courage Over Comfort: Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

Courage Over Comfort: Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

Overcoming the fear of rejection is a pivotal theme in "The Courage to Be Disliked." This post delves into how the fear of being judged or rejected can trap us in a comfort zone, stifling growth and authenticity. The book argues that facing this fear is essential for personal development.

By adopting an Adlerian perspective, we learn that rejection is not a reflection of our worth but a natural part of human interactions and diversity. Embracing this can empower us to take risks, express our true selves, and form more genuine connections.

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Beyond the Self: The Transformative Power of Contribution

Beyond the Self: The Transformative Power of Contribution

Contribution to the community is a key to happiness and fulfillment, according to Adlerian psychology. This post explores how moving beyond self-centered goals to focus on the welfare of others enriches our sense of purpose and belonging.

"The Courage to Be Disliked" emphasizes that our happiness is intertwined with our contributions to society. The explanation covers the psychological benefits of altruism, such as increased well-being and a deeper connection to the community.

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A lot of time and effort is spent on unnecessary things, which are futile. The mantra for happiness is really simple, and this book, with the help of a dialogue, gives it to the reader.

We are free to choose the meaning of our experiences

We are free to choose the meaning of our experiences

We are not determined by the experiences we've had, but rather, the meaning we give to them. Instead of thinking about 'past causes', think about 'present goals'.

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Our emotions are mere tools to justify our intended actions

Our emotions are mere tools to justify our intended actions

We get angry and show aggression to make a point. We make a point to possibly win an argument, which in turn is a means to establish supremacy over the person on the receiving end.

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ICHIRO KISHIMI AND FUMITAKE KOGA

It is only in social contexts that a person becomes an individual

ICHIRO KISHIMI AND FUMITAKE KOGA

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No experience is in itself a cause of success or failure. We did not suffer from the shock of our experiences - the so called trauma - but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining

ALFRED ADLER

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The Choice to be Unhappy

Do you feel that a certain trauma is holding you back from feeling happy at this point of life?

The concept of causality, in which a certain cause will lead to a certain effect or action, is the school of etiology. Whereas Adlerian psyschology follows the school of teleology, in which a certain purpose or goal will lead to certain actions.

Following the concept of teleology then raises the question, "why did you choose to be unhappy?" - the choice might have been made unconsciously at any point of time - maybe due to childhood trauma.

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The Decision to Change Tests Courage

Lifestyle can be defined as the tendencies of thoughts and actions in life. We can choose to change or to not change our lifestyle.

If we're unhappy at this point in life, we most likely have the desire to change.

But we believe that we can't change. What's holding us back? Excuses. We subconsciously create excuses that it's impossible to change because we lack of courage to change.

In short, the decision to change tests courage. We have that courage when we accept what we are born with and make use of that equipment to be happy.

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I read this book and it was extremely helpful for me and it really boosted my confidence and mind and I have tried to share some points from the book but I suggest you to read the book it is excellent in many ways

Courage To Be Disliked

Courage To Be Disliked

14 points that I got from the book that will boost your confidence

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Never Interfere On other Person's Task

Never Interfere On other Person's Task

It's simple mind your own business and focus on you

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There Is Always A Reason Of Some Actions

There Is Always A Reason Of Some Actions

Whenever something happens or any person does anything good or bad you should not judge them in a instinct first find out the reason why.

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