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You find yourself thinking:
1. Depressive envy
When someone you know does better than you, it often feels like you are a loser, a failure, or inferior. You think that their success reflects your failure.
2. Hostile envy
Because the other person’s success has resulted in your feeling that you can’t stand it, you may want them to fail.
3. Benign envy
Benign envy leads us to pay attention to what the other person is doing because we often think we can learn something.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
We tend to envy people with whom we compare ourselves. Your social comparison group is the group by which you measure yourself. We envy achievements that we think are possibilities for us but we don’t feel confident in achieving them.
We are more likely to envy someone when we think that their advantage is not deserved, since our envy often carries with it the sense of injustice.
Just because you have negative thoughts doesn’t mean you have to believe them. The advantage of cognitive therapy is coming up with more helpful, more adaptive, and more realistic ways of thinking. Look at the table above and see if any of the negative automatic thoughts are familiar to you. Then look at the rational and adaptive thoughts that can help you move past your envy.
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