Envy is a universal emotion that we’ve all experienced at some time or another. It isn’t easy to transform envy into learning. A problem occurs when it starts to take you over and predominates your emotional state.

Those who succumb to it and cause damage to others often end up losing their way in life and becoming a wanderer. This is the trap of envy. It hurts those who feel it. Sufferers have a basic problem: they look at themselves through another.  As a matter of fact, we can learn a lot from envy.

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Transform Your Envy into Learning

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It’s directly related to a lack of self-esteem and autonomy. It’s also connected with a lack of empathy. Those who envy aren’t evil, but they’re people who’ve failed to make healthy assessments of themselves. They’re unable to transform their envy because they possess strong doubts about their identity.

The envious person can’t understand the difference between “I” and the “other”. The other is reflected in them as if it were a reflection of themselves. In effect, the “other” constitutes the other side of the mirror.

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They feel linked to the other being, in many cases without even being conscious of the fact. If you ask them about the other, they’ll speak badly of them.

Deep down, they’ve developed a strong identification with the person they envy. They feel that the other person has something that they shouldn’t have, is something that they shouldn’t be, or does something that they shouldn’t do. This happens because they see in the other an image that reproaches them for what they aren’t, what they don’t have, or what they don’t do.

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They feel linked to the other being, in many cases without even being conscious of the fact. If you ask them about the other, they’ll speak badly of them.

Deep down, they’ve developed a strong identification with the person they envy. They feel that the other person has something that they shouldn’t have, is something that they shouldn’t be, or does something that they shouldn’t do. This happens because they see in the other an image that reproaches them for what they aren’t, what they don’t have, or what they don’t do.

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Envy-inspired behaviors are more likely in contexts that make empathy difficult, such as where there’s competition. In addition, it’s often the source of prejudice. Envious people might say, “he’s not supposed to be so successful; I’ve worked far harder than he has, so I should’ve been promoted by now, not him “. These kinds of thoughts lead them to despise what the other does.

In these cases, they should probably be asking themselves if they really have all the relevant facts in order to claim that the other person doesn’t deserve what they have .

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For example, do they know exactly how much the person they’re so envious of had to fight to obtain what they have? Or what barriers they’ve had to overcome? Are they capable of constructively identifying the values that have produced the differences between the two of them that prove so annoying for them? Do they know what the other person had to give up to get where they are now?

An emotionally controlled envy could actually be motivating for them and allow them to grow. The difference isn’t made by emotion, but by emotional intelligence.

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A tricky step with envy is acknowledging that you feel it. It’s easily confused with other more known emotions, such as joy or anger. If you don’t recognize it, it’ll be much more difficult for you to work with it.

When you feel envious, you possess an undeveloped potential. You should reflect on this fact. Ask yourself why you haven’t managed to be or do what you envy in another.

Another line of reflection is oriented towards empathy . If you feel envious, you should try and identify the reasons why the person you envy got something you wanted for yourself.

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