Getting turned down or away is discouraging no matter how many years you’ve invested in your professional journey.But even though it stings at first, rejection may actually make you tougher in the long run. The key to achieving your career ambitions comes down to one question: How many times are you willing to pick yourself up after falling down?

Rejection sucks. Always has, always will

In fact, some of the most successful household names have been turned away, more than once. Stephen King, the man who wrote the book on writing saw 30 rejections from publishers for his novel Carrie — the same work that launched his career and spawned an iconic horror movie.

It’s comforting to know that setbacks are common

“One of the most critical skills that can help someone cope with rejection is resilience — or the ability to quickly recover from challenges. Luckily, resilience is not just a static attribute but a learned, lifelong skill that can be honed, just like a muscle that can be strengthened and grown over time.”

<ol><li>G: Ground yourself in the situation.</li><li>R: Recognize what you can control.</li><li>O: Organize your resources.</li><li>W: Work with your community for support.</li></ol>

The GROW method to cope with rejection

<img src="https://hbr.org/resources/images/article_assets/2021/08/A_Aug21_11_450742343.jpg" width="630" height="354"><div class="caption" dir="ltr">
				HBR Staff/Getty Images/Ralf Hiemisch
		</div><div more-caption="more" close-caption="close" dir="ltr">
		Summary.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
		The key to achieving your career ambitions comes down to one question: How many times are you willing to pick yourself up after falling down?

The rate at which you achieve your goals is always going to be a combination of volume, probability, timing, luck, and...<button dir="ltr">more</button>
	</div><img src="https://hbr.org/resources/images/article_assets/2020/10/Ascend_Logo_2020_2x.png" alt="Ascend logo" width="105" height="25">Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend <a href="https://hbr.org/insight-center/ascend" dir="ltr">here</a>.Rejection sucks. Always has, always will.Getting turned down or away is deflating and discouraging no matter how many years you’ve invested in your professional journey.But even though it stings at first, rejection may actually make you tougher in the long run. The key to achieving your career ambitions comes down to one question: How many times are you willing to pick yourself up after falling down?I’ve been writing stories since I was in 5th grade, and for most of my life, I was too shy to share them. I neither attended a prestigious university nor did I have fancy literary ties. I feared my writing was not good enough to meet the standards. Then, three years ago, something changed. In 2018, my 20s were finally behind me, and it became easier to let go of what others thought about me and my work. Rejection, I told myself, was not personal. It was a part of the journey.This is perhaps the toughest hurdle to overcome for most people, but once you let go of your ego, you free yourself to take risks.I spent the next several months cold pitching my stories and ideas to newspapers and magazine editors. I was rejected a lot. But eventually one editor at a regional publication tossed a bone my way. My first piece had been accepted … for no money, but at the time, it was a compromise I was willing to make.In the years following, I continued shopping my stories around, one by one, building up my portfolio and credibility. Now, my work has found its way into more than 50 newspapers, magazines, and websites around the world. And guess what? I still get rejected on a daily basis.There’s no scientific formula or methodology behind reaching success as a writer, or any career, really. The rate at which you achieve your goals is always going to be a combination of volume, probability, timing, luck, and resilience.In fact, some of the most successful household names have been turned away, more than once. Stephen King, the man who wrote the book on writing (literally, it’s called On Writing) <a href="https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/53235/how-stephen-kings-wife-saved-carrie-and-launched-his-career" dir="ltr">saw 30 rejections</a> from publishers for his novel Carrie —&nbsp; the same work that launched his career and spawned an iconic horror movie. And speaking of books-turned-movies, Kathryn Stockett’s The Help received twice as many rejections from agents, totaling 60.“If you ask my husband my best trait, he’ll smile and say, ‘She never gives up,’” Stockett <a href="https://www.susangabriel.com/writers-and-writing/kathryn-stockett/" dir="ltr">writes</a> in her essay,&nbsp;Don’t Give Up, Just Lie. “But if you ask him my worst trait, he’ll get a funny tic in his cheek, narrow his eyes and hiss, ‘She. Never. Gives. Up’ … What if I had given up at 15? Or 40? Or even 60?”Even legends like <a href="https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/91169/16-famous-authors-and-their-rejections" dir="ltr">Sylvia Plath, Kurt Vonnegut</a>, and&nbsp;<a href="https://apnews.com/article/entertainment-science-us-news-a85ac210de58448797735d7d5b04779c" dir="ltr">Toni Morrison</a> have faced rejection.I’ve turned to these stories a lot this year. I spent the first half of 2021 writing a book proposal for a memoir about my life. Although I feel confident about it, I’m working to mentally prepare myself in case it faces rejection from editors. A “pass” will sting, of course, but it won’t mean my life story isn’t worthy.It’s comforting to know that setbacks are common. While most of us will never achieve the heights of Plath, Vonnegut, or Morrison, that doesn’t mean rejection should sway us from pursuing our ambitions. It means that we need to develop a certain level of resilience in the face of challenges.I spoke to Dr. Stuart Lustig, National Medical Executive for Behavioral Health at Cigna, to learn how others stay motivated during lulls and setbacks.“For many people, rejection can have an enormous impact on their self-esteem, career performance, and potentially even their mental health,” Lustig told me. “One of the most critical skills that can help someone cope with rejection is resilience — or the ability to quickly recover from challenges. Luckily, resilience is not just a static attribute but <a href="https://hbr.org/2021/01/the-secret-to-building-resilience" dir="ltr">a learned, lifelong skill that can be honed</a>, just like a muscle that can be strengthened and grown over time.”Easier said than done, just like pushing myself to visit the gym each week.Lustig offered a mental exercise, aptly titled G.R.O.W., to help me put his advice to practice.Here’s how it works. First, think of a challenge you are currently facing — something that you have found consistently difficult to overcome. In my case, a personal essay I wrote and began pitching over a year ago is continuously being rejected by editors. Next, use the below acronym to work through it.<h2>G: Ground yourself in the situation.</h2>So far, my essay has not found a home. I know this is not personal (the rejection, that is), but it’s still frustrating. I remind myself that this happens often. I check my ego. Who’s to say I’m so special that everything I write deserves to be published? I remind myself that I’ve only been writing professionally for a little more than three years and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far.<h2>R: Recognize what you can control.</h2>I know I can control my patience and trust the process. I can also choose to be grateful for the constructive criticism offered to me, as opposed to letting it crush my confidence. I can choose to grow instead of dwell and to control my own narrative without compromising it.<h2>O: Organize your resources.</h2>If no editors want this essay in its current form, I have the option to go back and re-strategize how I’m telling my story or presenting it. I also have access to friends and fellow writers who are willing to review my work and provide me with honest feedback.<h2>W: Work with your community for support.</h2>I turn to my wife and family for my sense of community. I recall the wisdom of my father-in-law Jim, who, when I’m feeling blue, says: “Throw enough crap against the wall and something’s got to stick, Raj. But first, throw.”Lustig’s advice reminded me of what I’ve known for some time: Rejection doesn’t mean that my stories don’t deserve to be told — it’s information, and right now, that information tells me that I have to keep punching or go back to the drawing board. Most importantly, it reminds me to never let myself become dependent on the approval of others.If you walk away remembering one thing, let it be this: Nobody will believe in you with the same commitment and vigor as you believe in yourself.<UL><LI><author-avatar data-url="" data-author-name="Raj Tawney" data-js-target="author-avatar">
					RT
				</author-avatar><div dir="ltr">
					
						<a href="https://hbr.org/search?term=raj%20tawney&amp;search_type=search-all" dir="ltr">Raj Tawney</a> is a <a href="https://rajtawney.com/" dir="ltr">freelance writer in New York</a>. He’s currently working on a memoir about his multiracial American identity.
					
		</div></LI></UL>

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Personal Development

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Reading & Writing

Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend <a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/insight-center/ascend">here </a>.

Rejection sucks. Always has, always will.

Getting turned down or away is deflating and discouraging no matter how many years you’ve invested in your professional journey.

But even though it stings at first, rejection may actually make you tougher in the long run. The key to achieving your career ambitions comes down to one question: How many times are you willing to pick yourself up after falling down?

I’ve been writing stories since I was in 5th grade, and for most of my life, I was too shy to share them. I neither attended a prestigious university nor did I have fancy literary ties. I feared my writing was not good enough to meet the standards. Then, three years ago, something changed. In 2018, my 20s were finally behind me, and it became easier to let go of what others thought about me and my work. Rejection, I told myself, was not personal. It was a part of the journey.

This is perhaps the toughest hurdle to overcome for most people, but once you let go of your ego, you free yourself to take risks.

I spent the next several months cold pitching my stories and ideas to newspapers and magazine editors. I was rejected a lot. But eventually one editor at a regional publication tossed a bone my way. My first piece had been accepted … for no money, but at the time, it was a compromise I was willing to make.

In the years following, I continued shopping my stories around, one by one, building up my portfolio and credibility. Now, my work has found its way into more than 50 newspapers, magazines, and websites around the world. And guess what? I still get rejected on a daily basis.

There’s no scientific formula or methodology behind reaching success as a writer, or any career, really. The rate at which you achieve your goals is always going to be a combination of volume, probability, timing, luck, and resilience.

In fact, some of the most successful household names have been turned away, more than once. Stephen King, the man who wrote the book on writing (literally, it’s called On Writing ) <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/53235/how-stephen-kings-wife-saved-carrie-and-launched-his-career">saw 30 rejections </a>from publishers for his novel Carrie —  the same work that launched his career and spawned an iconic horror movie. And speaking of books-turned-movies, Kathryn Stockett’s The Help received twice as many rejections from agents, totaling 60.

“If you ask my husband my best trait, he’ll smile and say, ‘She never gives up,’” Stockett <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.susangabriel.com/writers-and-writing/kathryn-stockett/">writes </a>in her essay, Don’t Give Up, Just Lie . “But if you ask him my worst trait, he’ll get a funny tic in his cheek, narrow his eyes and hiss, ‘She. Never. Gives. Up’ … What if I had given up at 15? Or 40? Or even 60?”

Even legends like <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/91169/16-famous-authors-and-their-rejections">Sylvia Plath, Kurt Vonnegut </a>, and <a dir="ltr" href="https://apnews.com/article/entertainment-science-us-news-a85ac210de58448797735d7d5b04779c">Toni Morrison </a>have faced rejection.

I’ve turned to these stories a lot this year. I spent the first half of 2021 writing a book proposal for a memoir about my life. Although I feel confident about it, I’m working to mentally prepare myself in case it faces rejection from editors. A “pass” will sting, of course, but it won’t mean my life story isn’t worthy.

It’s comforting to know that setbacks are common. While most of us will never achieve the heights of Plath, Vonnegut, or Morrison, that doesn’t mean rejection should sway us from pursuing our ambitions. It means that we need to develop a certain level of resilience in the face of challenges.

I spoke to Dr. Stuart Lustig, National Medical Executive for Behavioral Health at Cigna, to learn how others stay motivated during lulls and setbacks.

“For many people, rejection can have an enormous impact on their self-esteem, career performance, and potentially even their mental health,” Lustig told me. “One of the most critical skills that can help someone cope with rejection is resilience — or the ability to quickly recover from challenges. Luckily, resilience is not just a static attribute but <a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/2021/01/the-secret-to-building-resilience">a learned, lifelong skill that can be honed </a>, just like a muscle that can be strengthened and grown over time.”

Easier said than done, just like pushing myself to visit the gym each week.

Lustig offered a mental exercise, aptly titled G.R.O.W., to help me put his advice to practice.

Here’s how it works. First, think of a challenge you are currently facing — something that you have found consistently difficult to overcome. In my case, a personal essay I wrote and began pitching over a year ago is continuously being rejected by editors. Next, use the below acronym to work through it.

So far, my essay has not found a home. I know this is not personal (the rejection, that is), but it’s still frustrating. I remind myself that this happens often. I check my ego. Who’s to say I’m so special that everything I write deserves to be published? I remind myself that I’ve only been writing professionally for a little more than three years and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far.

I know I can control my patience and trust the process. I can also choose to be grateful for the constructive criticism offered to me, as opposed to letting it crush my confidence. I can choose to grow instead of dwell and to control my own narrative without compromising it.

If no editors want this essay in its current form, I have the option to go back and re-strategize how I’m telling my story or presenting it. I also have access to friends and fellow writers who are willing to review my work and provide me with honest feedback.

I turn to my wife and family for my sense of community. I recall the wisdom of my father-in-law Jim, who, when I’m feeling blue, says: “Throw enough crap against the wall and something’s got to stick, Raj. But first, throw.”

Lustig’s advice reminded me of what I’ve known for some time: Rejection doesn’t mean that my stories don’t deserve to be told — it’s information, and right now, that information tells me that I have to keep punching or go back to the drawing board. Most importantly, it reminds me to never let myself become dependent on the approval of others.

If you walk away remembering one thing, let it be this: Nobody will believe in you with the same commitment and vigor as you believe in yourself.

<ul><li><author-avatar data-author-name="Raj Tawney" data-js-target="author-avatar" data-url="">RT </author-avatar><div dir="ltr"><a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/search?term=raj%20tawney&amp;search_type=search-all">Raj Tawney </a>is a <a dir="ltr" href="https://rajtawney.com/">freelance writer in New York </a>. He’s currently working on a memoir about his multiracial American identity. </div> </li> </ul>

Everyone Gets Rejected — Here’s How to Move On

Rejection sucks. Always has, always will

It’s comforting to know that setbacks are common

DR. STUART LUSTIG

The GROW method to cope with rejection

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