The Art of Saying No

Aggressiveness is often an impulse. An aggressive person responds in a hostile or inconsiderate manner and often regrets doing so later. 

By contrast, assertiveness is planned, thoughtful, and considerate. An assertive person communicates his or her position with clarity while taking the other person’s feelings into account. 

The aggressive individual is loud, opinionated, and self-absorbed. The assertive individual understands how to express his or her point of view with grace.

We have a limited number of hours to play with each day. That means every time we say yes to someone, we’re saying no to someone or something else. And every time we say no, we free ourselves to spend that time and attention on another person or interest.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. The problem is, if you’re constantly saying yes to other people, putting their priorities ahead of your own, you won’t have the time or energy to care for yourself. And you’ll slowly become irritated, cynical, and miserable.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks for people-pleasers to overcome is feeling responsible for others’ feelings. They fear that saying no will disappoint and anger requestors. This fear prompts them to regularly put others’ priorities ahead of their own.

People pleasers often prioritize others’ needs ahead of their own because they feel their time, interests, opinions, and goals are worthless. I know this from experience. It’s how I used to think. This is a self-image problem.

When you give in to temptations, you become a slave to your impulses. The resulting short-term gratification often comes at the expense of long-term fulfilment. 

When you resist temptations with declarative statements that begin with “I don’t…” you become the architect of a life built upon healthy intentions.